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hed2314.jpg Secret Service bodyguard breaks silence, My secret life with Jackie Kennedy, her public courage and private heartbreak (Examiner); Celebs find skeletons in family closets, Rihanna, Woody
Harrelson, Jack Nicholson, Kerry Washington, Hidden siblings, lying parents (Examiner); Meghan's new $20 million reality TV deal, Royals' nightmare, Harry helpless, inside big payday (Globe); Wynonna &
Reba TV catfight, Hollywood's bravest stars revealed, Harrison Ford death-defying rescue, Dolly Parton put life on line, Shannen Doherty against all odds, untold stories of grit & guts, more stories inside (Enquirer)

Dumb news from Kentucky:

Two Kentucky colleges were listed among the worst in the
nation.
[courtesy BrainSharper.com]

Thanksgiving recipes offered by Head Start and kindergart-
en pupils in Edmonson County:

"First, go hunt for the turkey and kill it.   Then you bring it in
the house and put some butter on it, and put some barbeque
on it and – done! Cook the turkey in the oven.   The oven is
about 30 degrees. Cook it for 6 minutes. Serves 80."

                                                                       – Benny Garner

"First, you have to go get the turkey. You shoot it and then you
bring it home to cook it.   You get it ready by cutting its feath-
ers off and then cleaning it. Cook the turkey in the oven at
20 degrees for about 3 hours. Serves 8."
                                                                       – Connally Esters

"Where do you get a turkey?   At Mom & Daddy's house. Be-
fore you cook it we have to play, watch TV, take a nap. Take
feathers off.   We cook the turkey at 2 degrees for 2 hours in
the microwave. When the turkey is done? Eat with Mommy
and Daddy and GIGI. I will sit at the table and eat the turkey
with? Mommy and Daddy and GIGI."
                                                                          –Weston Cruise

"Where do you get a turkey? Wal-Mart. Before you cook it, we
have to . . . Nothing.   We cook the turkey at 11 degrees for 2
minutes in the oven.   When the turkey is done?   Nothing.   I
will sit at the table and eat the turkey with?     Mommy, Dad-
dy, Raelee, Kinsley."
                                                                          – Rylee Cowles

"Where do you get a turkey? Kroger. Before you cook it, we
have to . . . Wash it, mash potatoes. We cook the turkey at
72 degrees for 60 hours in the oven. When the   turkey   is
done?   Put gravy on it, apple sauce and milk.    I will sit at
the table and eat the turkey with? Mommy, Dad & Baby."

                                                               – Keaghan Thornton
. . . and 159 others.
                                 [courtesy Edmonson News ("the Gimlet")]

zacharyt.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Zachary Troy Peyton, 26, Bardstown, DUI, moto vehcle assault; Peggy Sue Brumfeld, 65, New Haven, failure to
appear; Denzel Amante Lydian, 37, Bardstown, shoplifting; Megan Danielle Stein, 32, Bardstown, controlled substances; Nathaniel Francis Mosgrove, 28, Springfield, public drunk

Quotation of the week:

                            I am the youngest of three sisters and have always
                            had a rough relationship with my mom and sisters.
                            I don’t fit in. They are all about drama.

                            Recently I received a call from my dad, asking me
                            to visit.

                            I was so stressed out the night before that I didn't
                            sleep.   That morning I almost threw up from such
                            anxiety. I never know what I'll say that'll set them
                            off. I can’t ask them questions. Anything I do say
                            gets used against me.

                            I have tried to give them a taste of their own medi-
                            cine, but that only seems to increase the bullying.

                            I want them in my life because they are my parents
                            and sisters,    but I don't want to walk on egg shells
                            around them.

                            We have gone two years without talking before, and
                            recently we went over a year with no contact. Times
                            I didn’t have them in my life were amazing.   My re-
                            lationship with my husband flourished. I   was   not
                            stressed. My daughters did well because I was happy
                            enough to make sure they thrived. I don’t know how
                            to go about explaining this to them in a manner that
                            doesn’t set them off, but I just don’t want them in my
                            life.

                            Do I need to explain why,   or do I just flat-out go no
                            contact?

                            What do I tell my dad?   Do I block him too, even
                            though he's innocent?      But he's never defended me.
                            It’s always them against me.   And Dad just stays out
                            of it.
                                                                              Confused by Family
Dear Confusée:
                              Dump 'em all. Dad included. I never liked women
                            much, and my dad was an asshole.

Dumb news from Kentucky:

Quotation of the week:
                                       "I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude
                                         would come into my house after dark."
                                                                                                            – Dick Gregory

                           My father passed away several years ago, leaving his
                           house to my sister and me.   .Since she wanted to live
                           in the house we agreed that she would eventually buy
                           out my half (she couldn’t afford to do this at the time).

                           Now, eight years later, and she's still living there. If I
                           bring up the subject, I get a "deer in the headlights"
                           look and feel she will cry; so I let it drop.

                           Now that my husband and I want to retire, I will
                           need my half of the inheritance. What should I do?

                                                                    Ready for the Next Step
Dear Ready:
                         Hire a lawyer. You can force the sale of the property.
                       You and your sister and anyone else in the world can
                         bid on it

giggersha.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Jonathan Staker, 45, burglary, kidnaping; Shanae Gigger, 41, theft; Nicholas Carthome, 18, upside
down ears, burglary; Dianne Reilly, 52, controlled substance; Joshua Felix, 39, trespass; Melody Ramirez, 52, mobery; Ernesto Molina, 39, parole violation; Lindsey Jass, 32, mobery