UPDATE: October 2, 1998 -- To date, I have received 1,600+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries including, Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and the United States!
I have heard from 2 potential publishers! They have shown great interest in publishing my book. I am striving for the completion by late winter 1998.
ATTENTION - I AM LOOKING FOR "FIBRO-HAZE HUMOR STORIES" WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS FOR MY BOOK - SOME OF THESE WILL BE STORIES WHICH WILL - NOT- BE PUBLISHED ON MY INTERNET PAGES -
I WANT TO HAVE SOME "SURPRISE" HUMOR FOR THOSE WHO READ THE FIBRO-HAZE PAGES ON A REGULAR BASIS!! - PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR STORY, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO MENTION YOUR NAME, AS IN ALL OF MY "DISCLAIMERS", IT SPECIFIES THAT NAMES WILL NOT BE USED!! Thanks, and be well!!
I am working as diligently as possible due to my personal struggle with Fibromyalgia. I want to thank everyone for their support!
I plan to include some humorous stories in my book, and submission of your story serves as right to publish! These stories will be used for entertainment, including my own wacky stories!
IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR HUMOR TO BE PUBLISHED, THEN PLEASE DON'T SUBMIT IT~ ~ Names will never be mentioned.
I'll take the laughter any day!!!! ~Donna Heart
Imagine a 17 year old daughter only asking for a few simple items for Christmas, and #1 on the list was a soft, blue velux blanket. This lady was such a lucky mother!! She searched for months! She went into several stores more than once... but not a one was to be found! She looked more, even right up until Christmas, but still no blanket! Then the evening of opening the gifts ceremony was rapidly arriving. Her daughter's boyfriend was coming over at 6:00, so at 5:15 she rushed back out to a store, and as luck would have it, found one blue velux blanket (which, by the way, was very over priced)! The lady was so PROUD as she entered their home with the blue blanket tucked under her arm! Her 15 year old daughter greeted her at the door saying, "Mi mom, why did you buy another blue blanket?". The lady asked, "WHAT DO MEAN ANOTHER BLUE BLANKET?". The younger daughter reminded her of being asked to hide it in her closet months ago, so it would not be seen, by the 17 year old daughter! Well, it was not seen, nor remembered! But being creative, the lady wrapped the extra blanket, and was such a cool mom, because she gave her 17 year old daughter, and her boyfriend 'matching' blankets! (What a wonderful story!! I would have never been that clever!)
This lady was taking a poetry class, where she had to memorize 75 lines of poetry! (and she means WITH Fibro-Haze) She worked for 3 hours until becoming so frustrated she had to take a break! She had not been able to even get the first line memorized properly! She was so distressed, she decided to go downstairs to see what the rest of the family was doing. When she arrived downstairs she saw her daughter (a CFIDS Sufferer) had a migraine, her husband was on the sofa feeling bad with the flu, and her son, whom had recently had his wisdom teeth removed, was in severe pain. She just looked at everyone around her, and decided to sit in the middle of the floor to cry. Just as she was about to begin sobbing, she heard a strange noise coming from the hallway. So, she crawled to the corner, so she could look down the hallway! Not to be outdone, the family cat was throwing up! (I'm sure this wasn't funny then, but it is so great you can laugh at it now!! What a funny story! Murphy's Law, huh?)
This lady finished shopping for groceries, and asked that the young bag boy push her cart out to the car. She said as she heard the rattle of the cart behind her, immediately she lost her sense of direction. She pretended she knew where she was going, and was amazed that this young bag boy was still following her all over the parking lot! She said if she had not known her husband was out of town, she would have thought he came and moved the car, while she was in the store. She said the young lad did not even blink an eye, after 10 minutes of wandering around the parking lot. Then, when she finally found the car, he suggested she 'rest', and he would put the groceries in the back!(What a Great story!)
This lady tries to conserve energy and keep her power bill at a minimum. One way she accomplishes this is to hang her wet laundry on the clothes line outdoors. Afterwards, she places them in the dryer to fluff them just a bit, before putting them away. She went out one day and gathered her dry, clean laundry only to barely stop herself from turning on the 'water'. She had placed them back in the washing machine! (Ha!)
This lady sent me an e-mail because she cleaned her home, before she and her husband were scheduled to leave for their much deserved vacation... this is GOOD! But, while cleaning, she misplaced BOTH their payroll checks, and can't go on vacation until they are found... this is BAD! (Great story)
This lady said she and her husband were on their way to a shopping center one day. This particular day she was having trouble using words properly. The car in front of them, pulled sharply into the next lane, closely cutting off the car beside him. The driver's exchanged greetings, of sorts, then beeped their horns. The lady asked her husband if he heard that one car 'bark' at the other one?
This lady was frantic to get to her doctor's office on time for her appointment, but couldn't find her car keys. She ran all through the house, the bathroom, the kitchen, the laundry room, then back to the living room, ready to panic... suddenly realizing they were in her hand!
This lady has had Fibromyalgia for over 7 years and, as you know, short term memory loss is a problem. When her grandson (4 yr.) is visiting, he has a playmate which comes from across the street to play. Feeling fatigued the grandmother was on the sofa. The playmate asked if Allyn could come out and play. He went to ask his grandmother, and she questioned, "What's her name?". The grandson said, "Gee, Nana you have a terrible memory. Hailey has been my playmate for a long time, and you STILL ASK HER NAME!". (What a funny story!)
This lady was speechless when she found her daughter's homework in the freezor! (Ha!)
This lady needed some lawn supplies, so she visited the local Wal-Mart. When she arrived in the lawn and garden section she announced that she needed some 'spermacide'. The employee stood there just looking at her, and she finally realized what she had uttered. She tried to regroup and said, "I mean insecticide."! I think she was relieved, and I'm sure he was! (What a great story!)
This lady was on vacation and getting ready to go out to eat with her husband. She hurriedly sprayed her hair, and was ready to go, until her husband asked what was that white stuff all over her hair?? It seems she had sprayed her hair with deodorant! (Ha!)
This lady was going to cook chicken salad for her daughter. She started the chicken, then went to the computer room to catch up on her e-mail. After a long while, her son came in to the computer room. She asked him if he smelled that wonderful smell, and proceeded to tell him that someone must be making a delicious meal. Well, sometime later, she went in to the kitchen, and discovered SHE was cooking the delicious meal! She said she cried and couldn't believe that she could forget such a thing! Now, she says it is a great source of laughter! (What a great attitude!)
Only recently did this man meet another man with Fibromyalgia. After exchanging names, this man couldn't resist saying, "Gee, you don't look sick". He said they both laughed, knowing this phrase is too commonly used!
A lady goes to a drive-thru bank window with her young son. She was in a lot of pain and had a migraine. She said she totally forgot how to cash a check. Not knowing what to do with it, she filled out a deposit slip, but told the teller she wanted all of the money back. The teller began to explain check cashing procedures, which the lady needed, but didn’t want at the time! All she wanted was her cash. She was embarrassed that she could not remember such a simple task, and plans to tell the clerks in the future that she is mentally challenged, so they will bear with her next time, or perhaps write down the 'check cashing' instructions before leaving home! (What a funny story.)
This lady was home waiting for a call from the doctor’s office. She had tests done the previous day. She was in the middle of a terrible attack of ‘HIVES’ and the nurse said she just phoned to let her know she had Lupus. (I don’t think this improved the hives at all! Bless her heart!)
This lady was at the beginning of taking Guaifenesin and quitting caffeine at the same time. She would get these horrible headaches. A headache came on at the time she and her husband were leaving to do the grocery shopping, plus fibro-haze. They really needed to make this trip to the store, so before she left home, she grabbed a soft blue gel pack from the freezer. Upon their arrival at the grocery store, she sat the ice pack on top of her head, so she could try to feel well enough to get the shopping done. She said with her good balance, it didn't fall off once! She said her husband just stayed three feet behind her, laughing at her throughout the store. She admits attracting some pretty weird looks, but a woman must do, what needs to be done! (If this woman's husband would have just followed behind her with a cam-corder, they could be 10,000 richer from the Funniest Home Video Show!)
This lady went to the doctor's office and was waiting to be seen. There were no chairs left in the waiting room, so she decided to put her hands in her pockets, except she couldn’t reach them........ her pants were on backwards. (Hey, I have actually done this one myself!)
This lady had enjoyed the church service so much, until she looked down and saw a spare pair of pantyhose clinging to her clothing! (Well, I think this means the Lord does have a sense of humor too!)
This lady heard the ice cream truck coming through her neighborhood, grabbed her money, fell and sprained her ankle, however, still managed to make it to the truck to purchase her fudge bomb! (This lady was so brave to tell this story. She also mentioned that after she realized her ankle was injured, she wished she'd bought two.)
This lady told me she can only have sex ‘comfortably’ sitting in a chair and said, "Imagine the comic possibilities"! (This brought some vivid images to mind... Ha!)
PLEASE keep these great stories coming... If you don't see your story on either one of the humor pages, please send it again, with the subject 'Duplicate'!! I have been receiving a great deal of mail, but I am trying my best!
If you like these pages, send me a note!
Something to think about... "If you want something, which you did not have previously, and decide to try to get it, but are unsuccessful... have you lost or gained anything?" ~Donna Heart
Contact me via e-mail!