Reflections:

It is 22 days post-op (amputation of lower left leg) & I have had many hours to reflect upon the last 2 plus years. We had known for 9 years that I would lose either one or both legs, but you never really know what this means till it happens.

It started by not being able to walk quiet as far or do as much. You get frustrated, then anger, then depression & last hopelessness. The act of walking becomes a burden, so you give up & do nothing. At the same time you start snapping at friends & family. To you nothing they do is good enough. The other things you used to do become unimportant, nothing brings you joy. All you can think of is your pain. So you go to your doctor, who orders numerous tests & gives you pain pills. You go again & again to the doctor never getting any answers. Your depression gets deeper, the tests come back negative. Frustration grows, your family starts to not like being around you. You start thinking of suicide. You know that your family would be better without you. You have become a burden! Now you go into a real downhill slide. You get your first ulceration & the pain is unbelievable. You start doubling up on pain medication.

Off to the doctor for debreeding, maybe a Home Health Care Nurse twice a day. Back to the doctor once a week. At the same time you might have to have IV meds 3 times a day at the hospital for 10 days. Three long month of healing. The pain is still there so you keep taking more & more meds. Not knowing it you change. Then it happens again another ulceration. Your doctor sends you to an orthopedic surgeon. He says 6 to 8 months to heal or with luck amputation.

Life does change you need more help but your family understands & because you have changed back into the real you, life again is a pleasure.

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I ASKED GOD!
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I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said...
Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Sir^Wookie