This is a set of passages from Julius MacPhereson's Essay Resolving the Issue of Origin, Society, and Behaviours of Corn Men. This document, although initially criticized, won many supporters in the intellectual fields of astronomy, natural and social science, and agricultural industrialists by the turn of the nineteenth century.
"Esteemed professors, scholars, and men-of-science, the following treatise on what are now known as "corn men" may appear shocking. Many philosophies, theories, and belief systems were slowly destroyed by their inability to change over time, and often the most forward-thinking, liberal minds could not cope with the new presentation of ideas. It is this scenario that I feel confronted by every time I approach apparently "high-minded" individuals; the rejection of my evidence and outright distrust of my methods, all scientifically sound. However, my statements of frustration are not insults on the integrity of such individuals, I am only human, prone to moments of indignation after labouring so hard to bring my ideas to the fore. With that, I will present to you said evidence in hopes of convincing you of my point of view.
Being a historian myself, mostly in the areas of the Classical Era, I know that theories have been espoused by many respected men that the human race isn't the only enlightened creature to grace God's galaxy. These theories have been very trivial in comparison to other great works, but should nonetheless be observed with an objective eye...I have reason to believe that almost all of the ancient and modern theories stated regarding outer-space life are supporting the existence of "corn men" (4)...
...Of the evidence thus gathered by colleagues Lord Wellingsworth, Horus Trist, Prof. Charles MacGregor, and myself, all of it fits together like the pieces of a broken tea-cup. We have been able to assemble most of the evidence into a coherent theory, but, like the ever-present cracks and creases on the re-assembled tea-cup, integral parts are still missing that prevent an irrefutable argument (5)...
..."Corn men", or skigs as they're often referred to as, have been invading earth since the beginning of time. They may have, according to the famous Roman philosopher, even wiped out weaker ancient civilizations, with which no other reason for their demise can be given. The ancient Philistines, Atlantinians, and Hittites have been snuffed from the torch of civilization. Of course, theologans can reason that God had destroyed such heathen peoples, but in the same doubtful breath, they must consider that perhaps even skigs were messengers from the Diety (5)...
...Skig society is generally militantly expansionist. Whether or not there once was a time of peace for the skig civilization, Earth has yet to be convinced. Of the evidence found from Saint Estatius' thick volumes, we have gained an acute insight into their violent nature. He wrote that in one decade, a small, isolated salient of land in southern Ireland had been taken over by the skigs. Over this short period, the landscape was changed from gently rolling, green, mist-shrouded hills to vast fields of tall and thick corn plants. At the centre of this giant, unending field of corn was an industrial complex of shoddy factories that pumped out great amounts of skigs and weaponry. After Lord Brockmato had taken over the land in a bloody campaign, he declared it uninhabitable, and only after several decades were displaced families allowed to till their land again (6)...
...Skig tactics, to the extent that we know are a phenomenon in military practice heretofore unheard of in human armies throughout all of time. From official military reports from His Majesty's Royal Army in 1712, I have found a few examples of their tactics.
In one case, thousands of skigs marched in a suprisingly organized square formation, packed shoulder-to-shoulder, each carrying a poorly made pike. When His Majesty's artillery and musketmen started to fire on the great squares, organization was lost and the brief hand-to-hand melee that ensued ended with the skigs being repulsed. In another battle, a dozen or so skigs piled into a tin-armoured carriage that lacked any sort of animal power. These contraptions made a very loud noise, but His Majesty's crack troops failed to falter and break ranks. Artillery and muskets held the carriages at bay, but took heavy casualties when the wild-piloted tin "boxes" ran into the lines billowing smoke and flame. All of this had a very disorganizational effect on the men, and only because of His Majesty's fine officers was order maintained for the following attacks. This evidence only serves to indicate the superior numbers and technology of the skigs, and only bravery kept the humans in charge of the field. Perhaps that will eventually be exhausted (7)..."
As the reader can infer, the way in which Julius MacPhereson delivered the message of the preliminary skig scouting invasions was quite balanced and objective. Only toward the end of the essay did he begin to insert his own beliefs, but even in doing this, he supported his claim with first-hand witness accounts.
"If we ignore the fact that an invasion by skigs is imminent at the present, we are just sowing the seeds of destruction that our children will have to reap in the future."
