In-Box Compose Addresses Folders Logout FeaturesFind, Buy, Sell...   Classifieds Subscriptions   WebCourier People Search   White Pages   Email Lookup   Member Directory Information   News and Links   Help Center   Contact Us   Options  Personal   Password   Signature   POP Mail   Filters   Preferences   Click here for more information. Read Message RELATED:Dictionary Thesaurus In-Box From: amzgrace@webtv.net (Cindy Friend) Save Address Block Sender Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 11:15:33 -0500 (CDT) To: amzgrace@hotmail.com Subject: Test ReplyReply AllForwardDeletePreviousNextClose Something Funny Going On Here! Interesting thoughts... Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. All generalizations are false. Learn from your parents mistakes, use birth control. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ~~~~~~~~~~ These from Kelly To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The older you get, the better you realize you were. I doubt, therefore I might be. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If God dropped acid, would he see people? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? ~~~~~~~~~~ Just for Fun from Kelly 9-23-98 5 out of 4 people have trouble with statistics. A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. AAAAA American Association Against Acronym Abuse According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and I don't care. As I said before, I never repeat myself. Bigamy: One mate too many. Monogamy: Same idea. Criminal lawyer: Isn't that redundant? Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. I can never find time to procrastinate. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. I know it all... I just can't remember it simultaneously. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure. I've told you a million times stop exaggerating. If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing. In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal. Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Prunes give you a run for your money. He kept saying that I didn't listen to him, or something like that. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Stick: A boomerang that doesn't work. Synonym: Word used when you can't spell the one you wanted. The Apathy Anonymous meeting was cancelled due to lack of interest. The best defense against logic is stupidity. The Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been put off till next week. Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally. I'm not afraid of flying... I'm afraid of crashing. I'm not schizophrenic, and neither am I. I'm so broke, I'm thinking about starting my own government. You can't teach people to be lazy... either they have it or they don't. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Women's Thoughts Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of "forgetful" to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't care. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the nine o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Do it & you die." If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? ~~~~~~~~~~ Regarding Men? You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. I've been on so many blind dates, I should qualify for a free dog. If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. I think -- therefore I'm single. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. I am not married because there is no need. I have three pets which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. I've learned That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do. That no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. That you can keep going long after you think you can't. That no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process. That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. Chat Room - Test Chat Now   Utility Page. There you will find utilities to change the colors of your chat room, add graphics, change some of the chat features, clear your page, and change your password to something more easily remembered. ~~~~~~~~~~ WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX!   1) You can GET chocolate.   2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.   3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.   4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.   5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want.   6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.   7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.   8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.   9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.   10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.   11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.   12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.   13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.   14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.   15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.   16) Good chocolate is easy to find.   17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.   18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.   19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.   20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.     *************** These from Kelly ~~~~~~~~~~ These have been used on the page... "SMILE" She smiled at a sorrowful stranger. The smile seemed to make him feel better. He remembered past kindnesses of a friend And wrote him a thank you letter. The friend was so pleased with the thank you That he left a large tip after lunch. The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip, Bet the whole thing on a hunch. The next day she picked up her winnings, And gave part to a man on the street. The man on the street was grateful; For two days he'd had nothing to eat. After he finished his dinner, He left for his small dingy room. (He didn't know at that moment that he might be facing his doom.) On the way he picked up a shivering puppy And took him home to get warm. The puppy was very grateful To be in out of the storm. That night the house caught on fire. The puppy barked the alarm. He barked till he woke the whole household And saved everybody from harm. One of the boys that he rescued Grew up to be President. All this because of a simple smile That hadn't cost a cent. ~~~~~~~~~~ Perspective Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every it evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow"; You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it wisely to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today. Values To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the plane. To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special. And remember: Time waits for no one. Yesterday is history Tomorrow is mystery Today is a gift That's why it's called the present! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ These from Deb & Norma Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself). Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. I Think That An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. Life is sexually transmitted. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows... and a foundation leaks, and a ball game gets rained out, and a car rusts and... Follow your dream, unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... but sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving don't call anyone, just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper that's the time to do it. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a telemarketer calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until they hang up. Each day, try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group. Try a little kindness... as little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn. If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. I love playing cards with small children. They can't tell you're dealing off the bottom of the deck. They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kinda foot disease, I don't wanna know 'em! Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business. A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper. If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first. Winning isn't everything. Winning and gloating and rubbing their noses in it is! People who live in glass houses shouldn't cavort in the nude on top of the piano doing gorilla impersonations. A rose by any other name would hurt you just as bad when you grab a thorn. If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cat. Strangers are friends that haven't bled you for an easy twenty bucks yet. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. I'll stay on my land. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely. Somewhere, over the rainbow... that's where the airline will find my luggage. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day! I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. New Chocolate Quotes
Chocolate Quips & Quotes... from Creative Chocolates    Send us your favorite chocolate quip, quote or humorous item and after review we may add it to this page. Include your name and city if you want us to give you credit for the item when it is posted.   All items must be in "good taste", of course....!   Man cannot live by chocolate alone - but woman can!   Life is uncertain - eat dessert first!   I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter....   There is nothing better than a good friend - except a good friend with chocolate.   A balanced diet consists of items from the five major food groups: dairy, grains, meats, fruits/vegetables, and chocolate.   Coffee.... Chocolate.... Men.... Some things are just better when they're rich!   Nothing chocolate... nothing gained.   Anything tastes better dipped in chocolate.   Nobody knows the truffles I've seen!   Chocolate: Here today .... Gone today!   I'll eat anything, as long as it's chocolate.   I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?   Just give me the chocolate and no one gets hurt!   Ten excuses for eating chocolate:   1. I love it. 2. I love it. 3. I love it. 4. I love it. 5. I love it. 6. I love it. 7. I love it. 8. I love it. 9. I love it. 10. I love it.