top ten 5: ‘Cos the Voice In My Head Told Me To Top Ten Means Of Punishment, Besides Impeachment, for Bill Clinton 10. Can no longer have fries with that 9. 24 hours a day, Hanson, echoing through the halls of the White House. 8. Absolutely no more improper relationships for 3 months 7. Has to mow White House lawn 6. Has to release imprisoned Dan Qualye and tell him the war is over 5. Can longer use 10-10-321, must use "0" 4. Star in new sitcom, Clintonfeld, and do hilarious 11 years, then on the last episode, go to jail for a year 3. Let Hilary have 2 or 3 affairs to try and catch up 2. Must through first pitch at World Series, from 2nd base, if Sosa doesn’t hit it, Sosa gets to be President 1. 12 rounds with Evander "The Real Deal" Holyfield Top Ten Ways the World Would Be Different Had You Not Read This List Today 10. In the 5 minutes you blew here, Leonardo DiCapprio may have tried to call you 9. Wouldn’t have come to realization Canadians aren’t funny 8. Wouldn’t have had a chance to see a website hastily thrown together by a Letterman wanna-be 7. Wouldn’t have laughed until you saw Urkel later today 6. Would have completely forgotten the number for 1-800-COLLECT 5. Hidden somewhere in the text, the solution for world hunger 4. Could have seen Sammy Sosa hit his homeruns 3. Ed MacManhon and Dick Clark may now have your email address, and can mail you a check for 11 million dollars! 2. Probably would have had a nap 1. Would have had no clue what the "Top Ten Ways the World Would Be Different Had You Not Read This List Today" were Top Ten Cool Things About Being Canadian 10. Igloo making contests once a week 9. There’s always tons and tons of coffee and hot chocolate 8. Easier to side-swipe parked cars with icy roads 7. Pamela Lee pretends she actually came from Canada once in a while 6. Maple Leaf is most frightening symbol of any flag 5. One word: GST 4. I think we’ve done a damn good job keeping Alaska nice n’ cold 3. Ev’rywhere ya look, hockey 2. Listening to Hanson is still optional 1. Nothing like a cup of tea with the Queen Top Ten Good Things About Being Married To Denis Rodman 10. Three more tattoos and he gets one free 9. Usually makes that 3 pointer for the kid in the hospital 8. It’s your only chance to meet Jordan 7. You can just borrow his dresses 6. Cute way he dances to Hanson music in his underwear 5. His cool nickname, "Rodzilla" 4. He knows 100 ways to kill a guy with a kick to the groin 3. He does use 10-10-220 most of the time 2. Can finally get over that affair with Clinton 1. Revlon always sending tons of free samples Top Ten Most Returned Christmas Gifts 10. Toy Story Characters Meet The Jetsons video 9. Carmen Eltetra ( Rodman only ) 8. 101 Ways To Understand the Meaning of a Sexual Relationship 7. Newt Gingrich’s gavel 6. Video: How Buffy the Vampire Slayer Slayed Santa by Mistake 5. Hanson signs the complete Christmas Carol 4. Madonna-brand cone bra 3. Any call that wasn’t made through 10-10-220 2. Denis Rodman’s Guide to Groin Kicking 1. Coal Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Barber 10. Charges $4.99 for first snip; $10.99 for each additional snip 9. On average day, says "OOPS!" 9.2 times 8. Only haircut he can give, one just like Hitler’s 7. You want your hair dyed blonde, he says, "screw it!" and dyes it orange. 6. Somehow, his nosering is stuck in your curls 5. Whether you move or not, still cuts your ears off 4. Has never once used 1-800-CALL ATT 3. Uses comb as microphone and dances around to new Hanson song when- ever it comes on 2. His barber pole out front has black and white stripes on it 1. His hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory Top Ten Hanson Pet Peeves 10. People who think it’s Ummm Bop when its clearly Mmmm Bop 9. Screaming fans at their concerts who just won’t shut up 8. When guys say, "Man, if I was younger, I’d date that drummer." 7. People who don’t use 10-10-220 6. Not being able to see over counter-top at McDonald’s 5. Record Agents you want you to put Mommy on the phone 4. No one seems to "dig them" anymore 3. Rival band, HanDaughter 2. By the time they are the Rolling Stones age they’ll have played together for 40 years 1. Always have to cut concerts short to make their 9:30 curfew Top Ten Things That Will Get You Arrested on Christmas Eve 10. Walking around Toys R’ Us in an Easter Bunny costume with basket full of eggs 9. Spiking all the egg nog so Santa is schwacked by the time he gets to China 8. Shoplift the last Rob Zombie CD 7. Cops catch you making bootleg egg nog in your basement 6. Going over to homeless shelter as Santa saying this year, after all, they weren’t all good and don’t get a meal 5. Not using 1-800-COLLECT to call mom and wish her a Merry Christmas 4. Kick Santa in the groin ( Dennis Rodman only ) 3. Go to a persons’ house, unscrew every other Christmas light, ring door bell, sell lights back to them for $5.00 a piece 2. Phone radio station, tell kids there is a $5 million dollar ransom for Santa 1. Assassinating the mall Santa Top Ten Most Returned Christmas Gifts 10. Phone bill from Sprint 9. Hanson X-mas CD 8. Rare black Santa suit with swastika on sleeve 7. New video game, "White House Intern 64" 6. Tiger Woods edible golf clubs 5. Giant plastic shirtless Santa 4. Book, "1-800-COLLECT for Dummies" 3. Live Alaskan Salon 2. Rob Zombie Mumbles Jingle Bells CD 1. Tickle me OJ doll Top Ten Fears Of Guys Who Work At McDonald’s 10. That Grimace thing in mating season 9. That Ronald McDonald will go nuts and let it spill about the secret sauce 8. Customers will start asking for more ketchup with that more often, which means 2 more days of training 7. Santa Claus will go on a diet 6. 1-800-COLLECT won’t be so cheap anymore 5. One day, a race of supercows will come after me and try and make a human-burger for all his friends dude 4. Girlfriend might find out about affair with that bird thing in them commercials 3. Boss will no longer let us take them balls from PlayLand in lieu of payments 2. Falling off the ladder while trying to switch the sign out front to "Over 23 Billion Sold" 1. Wife starts asking, "Can you Super-size that?" Top Ten Ways Santa Is Getting in Prepared For Christmas Night 10. Only 18 glasses of egg nog a night 9. Hang around gym and train with "Iron" Mike Tyson 8. Lift Blitson over his head 100 times each night before bed 7. Practice busting into workshop and getting out in under 20 seconds 6. Reinforcing the sleigh 5. Make sure his collection of Hanson CD’s are in the sleigh’s CD player 4. Call Easter Bunny and say, "Easter is canceled", just so the kids will love him even more come Easter 3. One word: Interns 2. No more reindeer steak until Boxing Day 1. Making sure little Bill Clinton gets his wish, more interns Top Ten Signs Your Top Ten Lists Suck 10. Since you can only think of 9 good ideas, have to put in a really lame 1-800-COLLECT plug in, remember 1-800-COLLECT saves the person you call up to 44%! 9. Too much Santa jokes, not enough intern jokes 8. They’re found at www.thisblows.com 7. Don’t contain any winning lottery number 6. Most of the jokes are exactly the same 5. Too much Santa jokes, not enough intern jokes 4. Only reader, Jim Carrey 3. Too much Santa jokes, not enough intern jokes 2. You can identify the afore criteria as things usually contained in your lists 1. Too much Santa jokes, not enough intern jokes Top Ten Good Things About Being Impeached 10. Can now appear as guest star on Dawson’s Creek 9. Can write book "Impeachment for Dummies" 8. It really impresses the interns 7. More free time to learn all 50 states 6. Peach is in the word impeachment and peaches is yummy, how can it be bad? 5. Hulk Hogan promised to bomb Canada back to the Stone Age if he takes over the country 4. Hanson is looking for a impeached president, who can play a wicked air guitar 3. The country is just about as lousy as its gonna get 2. Maybe Santa will let you become an elf 1. Can start hitting the links with Jordan Top Ten Rejected Olympic Events 10. Bribery 9. 1-800-COLLECT Speed Dialing 8. Impeachment-a-thon 7. Fat-guy hackey-sack 6. Raccoon Hockey 5. Dropping Really Expensive Things From Airplanes 4. Stoned Snowboarding 3. Running a from a policeman as he shoots a couple rounds at you 2. Dropping Really Expensive Things From Windows 1. Air Guitar Top Ten Yokel Cover Bands 10. The Rolling Hay Bails 9. Toe Jam 8. Green Night 7. "Weird Cowboy Tom" Yankovic 6. Barenaked Cows 5. Alanis Mooa-sette 4. Cheap Farming 3. Garth Brooks 2. Led Tractors Tires 1. Harrowsmith