Top Ten Least Popular Morning Radio Shows 10. Hank’s Radio Show and other stuff 9. Four and half hours of dead air 8. Nothing but Sugar Ray! 7. NBA, NHL, NFL, MLB, WNBA, Leagues that nobody has heard of: Review 6. Nike’s really expensive radio 5. McDonald tell people why Big Macs is yummy 4. 1-800-COLLECT Panhandling 3. Curt and Steve and Al 2. Polka, Polka, Polka, 1. All Spice Girls, all the time! Generic Top Ten List 10. Puff Daddy, the puff master 9. Surf ain’t the only thing that’s up! 8. Name That Smell for $500, Alex 7. Tiger Woodsrific! 6. And you thought Sugar Ray sucked! 5. 1-800-COLLECT addicted 4. McDonald’s reveals what the hell is in the secret sauce 3. Denis Rodman’s Def Comedy Jam 2. BassMaster 2000 N’ Paul 1. "I got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s giving the finger." Top Ten Rejected New Nike Slogans 10. If it’s good for Tiger, it’s good for you! 9. McDonald’s has nothing on us. 8. The Wendy’s of shoes 7. I almost can 6. Urkel-approved 5. And you thought 1-800-COLLECT was a good deal 4. Buy a shoe, do a shot 3. More than just a "swoosh" 2. www.paytentimesmorethanyoushould.com 1. Just Buy It. Top Ten Ways The Carolina Hurricanes Can Generate More Fans 10. Trade McLean 9. Get Nike to put one of them swooshs on every square inch of the building 8. Get in free to all things with the letter "H" in the title 7. Get Sugar Ray to retire, not the boxer, the singer! 6. Two words: Denis Rodman 5. Hire OJ as the coach 4. The ‘Canes score a goal, do a shot 3. Instead of 82 games, just 1 game, with 82 on the Hurricanes 2. Replace ice with a hard-wood floor, add hoops, an inflatable ball a nd hire Jordan 1. Tell people Carolina Hurricanes means International House of Pancakes in German Top Ten Signs You Are At a Bad Summer Camp 10. Big sign that says "Camp Siskel" 9. Six days in, Hanson is tossed out 8. Arts and crafts is just 11 hours of sewing some shirts ripping them apart and sewing back together 7. It’s December 25th and you parents still haven’t picked you up 6. "Shower" is just the counselor holding a bucket and dumping it over your head 5. You are roasting show leather 4. Every night the same camp story: Ed the Plumber That Went Nuts 3. They don’t have HBO 2. Website is: www.crapcamp.com 1. Lake contains only coffee Top Ten Ways The World Be Different If Supermodels Ran Canada 10. Flag now a carton of Slim Fast 9. Any guy that don’t magic, is automatically turned down for all credit cards 8. Halloween abolished 7. Baywatch girls all given letters saying "We hear France is nice this time of year" 6. The words "Yeah" "whatever" must be used 50.2 times a day by law 5. Legal to sue anyone not wearing makeup 4. 1-800-SUPERMODEL saves the person you call 44.1%! 3. Website www.supermodelsruletheworld.ca 2. No possibility of super-duper models 1. Anyone over size 4 must move to Mexico Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Needs a Rest 10. Now takes 2 seconds to dial Pizza Hut 9. Spends only 7 hours a day in the hottub 8. Who wouldn’t be tired after all that flip-flopping 7. Giving Al Gore 25 piggy back rides a day has taken its toll 6. Can get over the fact Seinfeld has canceled the show 5. Doubles as Santa at mall every Thursday 4. Signing all those kickbacks is murder! 3. Has been spending 2 hours a day to force Warner Brothers make a Free Willy Four 2. Hilary said she won’t run the country anymore 1. No longer ordering 75 Big Macs a hour Top Ten Shocking Secrets From ESPN 10. Michael Jordan is going on 150 9. Carolina Hurricanes blamed low crowds on El Nino 8. Sugar Ray has been banned from signing in every stadium this side of the Rockies! 7. Urkel has landed a job that if, Rodman ever dies, he gets to be him for life 6. Fat guy hackie-sack is ready to take off 5. By 1999 you’ll be able to smell Wayne Gretzky! 4. Amazing new technology that lets you zap the guy that invented the Fox Trax puck by pressing "5" anytime it’s on TV 3. Mookie now 56% Mookier! 2. Baseball players have begun protest to make them cards scratch, sniff and scratch some more 1. Dropping Cows from Planes set to make Olympic debut in 2000, man! Top Ten Things Clinton Can Do To Regain The Public’s Confidence 10. Prove Domino’s violated the constitution by stopping 30 minute delivery guarantee 9. More 1-800-COLLECT 8. Star in new movie with OJ "Bill and OJ’s High School Reunion" 7. Give everyone $5 6. Make it illegal for Jim Carrey to make movies with the word "Liar" in them 5. During State-Of-The-Union address, summon ghost of Abe Lincoln, name him Vice President 4. Join band "Puffier Daddy" 3. Team up with Yelstin to fight crime like Batman and Robin 2. Appear on TV show "Guys Named Bill Do The Darndest Things" 1. "I didn’t do it, dude!" Top Ten Signs You Are in Love With Leonardo DiCapprio 10. Spending every instant of free time making " I LUV LEO" license plates 9. You find him guilty, of being adorable! 8. Refuse to answer phone, just in case he calls 7. Named cats :Leo, Nardo, and DiCapprio 6. Suddenly your crushes on Prince William, Will Smith, Devon Swawa, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Matt Damon, and Michael Jordan seem so childish 5. At every viewing of Titanic you yell, "The damn ship’s gonna sink Leo!" 4. A giant comet smashes into earth ending 95% of life, and you ask, "Forget about me, how’s Leonardo DiCapprio?" 3. Insist that them tabloids are only printing those stories about him being gay ‘cos their manhood is threatened 2. You are www.leonardonuts.com 1. People have begun swimming in a sea of drool at his movies because of you. Top Ten Signs You Won’t Be Winning The Masters This Year 10. You had around 16 beer and you haven’t left the driving range 9. Tiger Woods is gonna win, so what’s the point? 8. You’d like to play, but you are at your 45 viewing of Titanic 7. Your physic friend just doesn’t see you winning it all 6. Only golfing talent: The clothing 5. Caddie, OJ 4. Refuse to play in any tournament with a guy named Fuzzy 3. Who needs the Masters when Nike is paying $32 million to wear a freakin’ checkmark on a baseball cap? 2. Claim you shooting 72 over par is a government scam 1. You ain’t even in the damn tournament! Top Ten Least Popular T-shirt Slogans 10. Yo 9. Camp Hanson 8. I Love BackStreet Boys 7. Jim Carrey School of Comedy 6. I am not with anyone 5. Something called Mikey 4. Camp Leonardo 3. Yoko Ono Singing School 2. The saving I got through 1-800-COLLECT allowed me to spend $10 on this shirt 1. Is someone fryin’ baloney?