Top Ten Rejected McDonald’s Promotional Slogans 10. Eat every meal as though it was your last 9. 10 Times better than at Wendy’s 8. We’re McTasty 7. All rats in the restaurant must now wear hairnets 6. The Apollo 11 of restaurants 5. Puff Daddy says it’s good, so how can it be bad 4. If God ate fast food, he’d eat McDonald’s 3. We got 1-800-COLLECT 2. Ronald McDonald licks all the meat patties! 1. Have you had you E-Coli today? Top Ten Surprising Best Sellers 10. The Time I Shot 2 Over Par: A Horror Story from Tiger Woods 9. Denis Rodman’s Guide to Higher Fashion 8. How To Score Goals: By Stu Grimson 7. Not-so-Air Jordan 6. The Care Bears Maul Winnie-The-Pooh 5. Alex Trebek. For $400, Alex: The Autobiography of Alex Trebek 4. 101 Jokes: By Jim Carrey 3. The Eight and Forgotten Dwarf by Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2. The Puffiest Place on Earth 1. What’s In the Secret Sauce: the Official Story Behind McDonald’s Crappy Food Top Ten Shocking Secrets In The Music Industry 10. The Beach Boys have never actually been at a beach 9. Ronald McDonald was original inspiration behind Ziggy Stardust 8. Bill Clinton now claiming he invented Funk-A-Delic, not George Clinton 7. Garth Brooks was a former rodeo clown for the Calgary Stampede 6. The Loving’ Spoonful doesn’t believe in magic 5. Bob Dylan doesn’t know how many roads a man must walk down before you can call him a man 4. Aerosmith now doing tours with Rolling Stones in nursing homes to reach out to the original fans 3. "Weird Al" Yankovic led an unsuccessful career as Ray Stevens for 11 years 2. Barbie has not yet heard The Barbie Song 1. Puff Daddy is planning, by late 1997, to have surgery to make him a Puff Mother, If you know what I mean. Top Ten Demands Of Unsigned NHL Superstar Paul Kariya 10. From now on, every goal he scores counts as 6 9. Free admission for life into all Disney related movies and theme parks 8. If Mighty Ducks 4 comes out, he gets to play Wayne Gretzky 7. All further contract negotiations must be done over www.paulkariya.com 6. He must within in 24 of its release, get the latest Puff Daddy CD delivered to his door 5. Gets to be Ronald McDonald in Mighty Ducks 1998 Cup Winning Parade 4. If any player on the team don’t use 1-800-COLLECT when he’s around, that person has to play with a wild flamingo instead of a hockey stick for the rest of the season 3. Optional attendance at all Jim Carrey movies 2. Make his hockey cards Scratch and Sniff 1. Goodbye boring helmet, hello halve watermelons! Top Ten Ways The Carolina Hurricanes Can Generate More Fans 10. Goodbye boring national anthems, hello Barbie Song! 9. Give away salary of your favorite NHL player night to the first 500 fans 8. Have that Urkel guy as team mascot 7. Pass out free bumperstickers "I’d rather be at the Hurricanes Game" 6. Make play-by-play announcers say everything backwards 5. Shower with the Players Night 4. Make 1-800-CALL ATT available at all phones 3. Open website www.carolinafans.com 2. Have 13 new McDonald’s open 1. Install TV in everyone’s seat so they can watch something else Top Ten Horrifying Thoughts That May Come To You As You Fall Asleep 10. How did Jim Carrey get my home phone number? 9. What if OJ didn’t think I was kidding? 8. What if Puff Daddy stops putting albums out? 7. What the hell is in the secret sauce? 6. Are them WWF dudes robots? 5. How could the Americans stand Clinton? 4. If we don’t get HBO installed I’m outta here ( teenagers thought only ) 3. How can I get rash inside my skin? 2. I still can’t believe Superstore was out of Rice-A-Roni 1. What if there are other Hanson brothers? Top Ten Punchlines To Jokes Dumb Guys Tell 10. It was the funny joke I ever heard until I heard the one about the road and the chicken 9. Yup, funny, eh? 8. And then that wacky Roadrunner got away 7. It took me a fortnight to get out of the shrubs 6. Blast off into cyberspace in 10 seconds! 5. It’s Puff-I-Riffic! 4. So, I was like, yeah ‘fraid so, like, ya know? 3. I am so funny 2. Ronald McDonald couldn’t have told a better one 1. That’s the joke…… Top Ten American Nicknames For Canadians 10. Cold dudes 9. Alaska’s baby-sitter 8. The Sadam Hussein of countries 7. 1-800-COLLECT denied 6. Gretzky-wanna-havers 5. Land of 1000 Jim Carreys’ 4. Hockey-developing-crybabies 3. Them dudes that invented basketball 2. Mexico’s really northern brother 1. "Hockey" players Top Ten Signs Wayne Gretzky Is Getting Old 10. Can remember when Bush was president 9. Has started to pal around with Bret Hart 8. Has never heard of 1-800-COLLECT 7. He is old enough to be Puff Daddy’s grandpa 6. Now wear Depends brand hockey pants 5. Speech peppered with "Come back with my cane, Leetch!" 4. Was in the front row of the first ever Rolling Stones concert 3. When he was 15 Aerosmith was celebrating their 10th anniversary 2. He’ www.olderthandirt.com 1. When he was young McDonald’s used this thing called "meat" Top Ten Disney Slogans 10. The Mickey Mouse organization 9. Donald Duck, enough said 8. The McDonald’s of theme parks 7. 1-800-COLLECT is now in all our gift shops 6. "Iron" Mike Tyson says our Mickey Mouse ears is tasty 5. Santa comes here 364 days a year! 4. We’re www.thebest.com 3. If God went to the movies he’d go to Disney movies 2. Goofy is now 89% Goofier! 1. Puff Daddy Approved! Top Ten Ways Us Canadians Celebrated New Years 10. Drank a six pack of Molsons and fell asleep on the couch 9. Watched that big ball drop in New York 8. Listened to Sugar Ray on a continuous loop 7. Whole pile of three minute eggs 6. Tended to the crops 5. Spent lots of time with our pet penguins ( American idea only ) 4. Called Clinton and told him McDonald’s went out of business 3. Saw how many funny words you can make from the word Canada 2. Shampoo rinse, repeat, shampoo, rinse, repeat 1. Three words: Hockey, hockey, hockey Top Ten Least Popular WWF Wrestler Nicknames 10. Masked OJ 9. Mr. MoneyMan 8. Super Hulk Hogan 7. Moe 6. Puff Wrestler 5. Gretzky 2 4. Psycho Jimbo 3. 1-800-COLLECT junkie 2. Un-super man 1. Doink the rodeo clown Top Ten Rules The People That Buy The Oilers Will Have Follow 10. CuJo can only be traded to team that wins the Cup 9. City they move to has to have 1-800-COLLECT 8. Every member of Oilers gets a free Hanson CD 7. No matter what, won’t be forced to attend Pauly Shore movies as a team 6. Score a goal, get a Big Mac and medium fries 5. If moved to Chicago area, Jordan has to take a crack at being goalie 4. Every goal they score counts as 3 3. Get to play Canucks twice as often 2. Murzyn isn’t allowed near the team 1. Keep us in Edmonton, dude! Top Ten Signs You Are At A Bad New Year’s Party 10. Playin’ on a 200 inch TV, nothing but Hulk Hogan movies 9. Eggnog tastes suspiciously like McDonald’s Coca-cola 8. The whole Carolina Hurricanes team is there and their one fan 7. It’s 2:00 in the afternoon and Clinton isn’t drunk yet 6. Dick Clark replaced by Puff Daddy 5. They have Hanson counting down the last seconds: 10-9-8-7-6.. Mmmm bop 5-4- what’s after 4? 4. For some reason there are penguins all over the place 3. Jim Carrey is giving a speech 2. OJ ain’t allowed in 1. It’s just you and Urkel ( Sorry that’s a sign you are at a great New Year’s Party )