Top Ten 14: where do you get the funding for this?

	Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Easter Bunny
10. Doesn’t eat carrots, eats sticks of butter
9. Tries unsuccessfully to hide the fact he’s drunk
8. Charges $10 for the first egg $99 for each additional egg
7. Tells all the kids, "I’ve heard some nasty things about Santa."
6. Three legs
5. Instead of hopping, he takes a cab
4. Orders kids to get him more beer
3. The Nike jumpsuit
2. It’s May 21 and he’s ready to go
1. There’s a line forming because he took a break to watch Jerry 
Springer

	Top Ten Cool Things About Being a Canadian In Space
10. At least you aren’t a Mexican in space
9. For a few weeks, you’re superior to Gretzky
8. No more calls from idiots who don’t use 10- 10-321
7. Hilarious game where you make your friends toupee float around in 
zero gravity
6. Lots of fun buttons to play around with
5. Get to give all of America the finger at once
4. Space food sticks
3. CBC will make some really cheesy movie about it after
2. Them golf balls just fly!
1. Two words: space babes

	Top Ten Good Things About Missing The NHL Play-offs
10. Get to watch the whole on CBC
9. Gretzky did, so it’s the cool thing, man!
8. Get to save lots of money since you don’t have to put fans in the 
seats for a while ( Carolina Hurricane reason only )
7. Won’t miss WWF: Unforgiven on pay-per-view
6. Get to lead 2nd life as that pink bunny
5. More Oprah!
4. Get to spend lots of time with the Vancouver Canucks
3. 10-10-321, day and night!
2. Don Cherry will make really great excuses for you ( Canadian teams 
only )
1. Can see Titanic  for the 40th time!
	Top Ten Ways To Get Fired From McDonald’s
10. Let it slip that the secret sauce is mop water
9. When customer asks for extra ketchup you say, "Go buy your own 
damn ketchup....we can’t spare a little package!"
8. Fail to remove the tails from McNuggets
7. Forget to ask, "Do you want E-Coli with that?"
6. When customer asks for Big Mac you say, "Sorry, nobody by that 
name lives here."
5. Let the temperature of the coffee slip to 350 above
4. Milkshake’s taste like milkshake since you began to work
3. Post billboard: Over 90 billion poisoned
2. Clown hairs in the apple pie
1. You left the "meat" in the sun for 11 hours instead of 12, dummy!

	Top Ten Rejected Spice Girl Names
10. Puff Spice
9. There’s Something About Pop Music Spice
8. McSpice
7. Ren and Stimpy Spice
6. Ed Spice
5. Really Bad Singer Spice
4. Leonardo DiSpice
3. Replacement Spice
2. Rolling Stoned Spice
1. Queen Oprah Spice
	Top Ten More Least Popular TV Shows
10. The Pimp Sons
9. The Stale Prince of Bel-Air
8. C-Spam
7.  Pop-Up Books
6. Gun Fightin’ Night in Texas
5. WCW Monday Cook-off
4. The Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, Late, 
Late, Late, Late, Show
3. Boys Meets Hooker
2. Allan
1. Sabrina The Teenage Bitch
	Top Ten Ways To Mispronounce Leonardo DiCapprio
10. Leonardo DiCrappio
9.  Leotardo DiCappichinua
8. Ellen and Leo
7. Leo, Leo. Louie, Louie
6. 10-1032Leo
5. CapprioDi Leonardo
4. Juliet Capulet
3. Leonardo Retardo
2. Happy Meal and a Big Mac
1. Leonardo Di-Not-A-Very-Actor-io
	 Top Ten Things That Will Get Fired By NASA
10. When astronauts radio in and say, "Houston we have a problem." 
You say, "Fix it your own damn self."
9. Forget to get the Tang on weekly stop at Safeways
8. Let it slip to the media that high-powered telescope is pointed at 
Pamela Lee’s shower
7. Lousy job as Santa at NASA Christmas parties
6. Taking the spaceshuttle for a joyride
5. Forget to change the aliens’ litterbox
4. Forgetting to tape Family Matters for astronauts on the moon
3. Let it slip we just landed on the moon to impress the babes
2. Not using 1-800-COLLECT when calling the moon babes
1. Instead of tracking the spaceshuttle on your computer, you’re 
playing solitaire
	Top Ten Numbers Between Ten and One Hundred
10. 11
9. 99 and 99 one hundredths
8. 15
7. 10.99981865
6. 55
5. 11 ½
4. 88
3. 90
2. 91
1. 69 and a three tenths
	Top Ten Signs Your Party Sucks
10. It’s all Hanson all the time!
9. Entertainment: Drunken uncle Fred in an Easter Bunny outfit
8. Wine comes in a ziploc bag
7. You leave; and you’re throwing the party
6. People heard saying, "I’d rather be at a Jim Carrey movie
5. The guy next to you is doing his Matt Damon impression
4. It www.sucks-so-bad-it-makes-a-night-with-washed-up-Spice-Girls-
sound-fun.com
3. It’s OJ first stand-up routine
2. The only drink the bartender can make is Coca-cola
1. Police getting reports of a party that sucks
	Top Ten Cool Things About The Dudes That Built The Pyramids
10. Almost never built a guy into the pyramid walls they didn’t like
9. They partied like it was 1199!
8. They used 1-800-COLLECT
7. Smelled really neat
6. Coined phrase "surfing the net"
5.  Could drink the Kennedy’s under the table
4. Once built a pyramid out of, not boring sandstone, but delicious 
chocolate
3. Hidden away in one of walls, the Caramilk secret
2. Made millions by doin adorable Little Rascals impressions all over 
the Mid-West
1. They were the first to figure out that universe revolves around 
Kate Moss
	Top Ten Ways For President Clinton To Improve His Popularity
10. Team up with OJ to fit crime like Batman and Robin
9. Wear Superman cape to all speeches
8. It may be impossible, but get Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to taste 
even cheesier!
7. On national TV, out-drink a Kennedy
6. Create fun new sport: Dropping Cows From Planes
5. Go on American Gladiators and kick some ass
4. Practice saying, "I didn’t do it" in Pee Wee Hermans’ voice
3. Help the Detroit Red Wings to a 3rd straight Stanley Cup
2. Winning MLB Home-Run title
1. Take dog Buddy on Letterman and do some "Stupid Pet Tricks"
	Top Ten Ways For Leonardo DiCapprio
To Spend All His Money
10. About 5000 copies of Titanic
9. Go nuts at the Gap
8. Take half to plastic surgeon, and pay him to painfully graft the 
other half onto his body
7. Star in new TV show "DiCappriofeld"
6. Buy really cool Atomic Bomb, ‘cos the girls can’t resist a guy 
with an A-bomb
5. Buy a piece of Oprah
4. About 75 billion 1-800-COLLECT calls to mom
3. Have himself "Mookieized"
2. Take money to Speilberg, if he can get movie deal, once he has 
movie deal see if Speilberg can cast him as T-Rex in Jurassic Park 3, 
whenever it comes out
1. Give all them girl magazines $5 to keep printing lots and lots of 
pictures at him ‘till you wanna barf when ya see his face
	Top Ten Rejected Sports Team Nick-Names
10. The Red-Necks
9. The Mighty Mighty Frogs
8. Red Lights
7. Soccer Playin Dudes in the NFL
6. Leonardo DiCapprios
5. Super Lugi Brothers
4. The Lenos
3. The 88 and a halfers
2. The Referee Lovers
1. The tie-dyed Jackets

	

Top Ten Questions on the Canadian Entrance Exam
10. How flat is Saskatchewan?
9. Did we really plant a disease in Alaska to make to cold?
8. Does Canada hold all rights to the name Gretzky?
7. Name at least one Canadian beer
6. Do you promise to way too polite, even if someone hits with 
their car, will you take the blame?
5. Is Canada funnier when spelled with a "K"?
4. Alberta is the Official Freak Province, True or False
3. 1-800-COLLECT is cheaper than 10-10-321
2. Can you locate Canada on a map.
1. Which of the following people is God A. Pamela Anderson B. 
Don Cherry C. Wayne Gretzky D. All of the above