I am tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really nothing.
Just being in a room with myself is almost more stimulation than I can bear.
I would live in a communist country providing I was the Queen.
The more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become.
I have a simple philosphy. Fill whats empty. Empty whats full. Scratch where it itches.
The people I am furious with are the women's liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. Its true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.
Nobody is interested in sweetness and light.
Be critical. Women have the right to say: This is surface, this falsifies reality, this degrades.
We are all born charming, fresh, and spontaneous, and must be civilised before we are fit to participate in society.
I am terribly shy, but of course no one believes me. Come to think of it, neither would I.
I personally think we invented language because of our deep inner need to complain.
Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
People call me feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
My goal is to be accused of being strident.
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that mercifully they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french fried potatoes are out.
I am tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want, and adorable pancreas?
Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
I am always running into people's unconscious.
I had to use ham. I took a piece from the deli platter and rubbed it in my hair. I HAD to - the fluffy thing was really bothering me.
We're supposed to be attractive to the male to procreate the species, after all. Thats why youve got to wear make up and youve got to f*ck.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. I think every woman should be fat.
People say to me, "Youre not very feminine." Well, they can suck my dick.
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
When women are depressed they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Its a whole different way of thinking.
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Elegance is refusal.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesnt itch.
Anyone with more than 365 pairs of shoes is a pig.
It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it.
You dont have to signal a social conscience by looking like a frump. Lace knickers wont hasten the holocaust, you can ban the bomb in a feather boa just as well without, and a mild interest in hemlines doesnt necessarily disqualify you from reading Das Kapital and agreeing with every word.
What you eat standing up doesnt count.
Kiss my shapely big fat ass.
Behind every successful man is a suprised woman.
One cannot be too extreme in dealing with social ills; besides, the extreme thing is generally the true thing.
There is little place in the political scheme of things for an independent, creative personality, for a fighter. Anyone who takes that role, must pay a price.
I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both.
All the men on my staff can type.
I am no Joanna come lately, believe me, I've been here all along - outside.
Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.
You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
I wouldnt be satisfied with a life lived soley on the barricades. I reserve my right to be frivolous.
In politics, if you want anything said, as a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
One of the things that politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasoning sex.
War is menstrual envy!
A woman is  like a teabag, you cant tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think.
It is well known that the most radical revolutionary will become a conservative on the day after the revolution.
If women understood and exercised their power they could remake the world.
Theres one sure way of telling when politicians arent telling the truth - their lips move.
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time. And that's sufficient.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
All that you suspect about women's friendships is true. We talk about dick size.
Women's virtue is man's greatest invention.
The male function is to procide sperm. We now have sperm banks.
There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed.
I'm not saying I would vote for him. I'm just saying I'd f*ck him.
A healthy sex life. Best thing for a woman's voice.
My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.
I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
I am as pure as the driven slush.
Until you've lost your reputation, you never realise what a burden it was, or what freedom really is.
In my sexual fantasies, nobody ever loves me for my mind.
How many husbands have you had? My own or other people's?
As far as I am concerned, morality is just a word that describes the current fashion of conduct.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind. 
Sex has been with us since the human race began its existance, yet I would estimate that 90 percent of human beings still suffer from enormous inhibitions in this area.
When one is pretending, the whole body revolts.
You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex.
Really that little dealybob is too far away from the hole. It should be built right in.
If I had a cock for a day, I would get myself pregnant.
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman - any woman - with beautiful legs.
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance.
A man on a date wonders if he will get lucky. The woman already knows.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.
If you have one gay experience does that mean youre gay? If you have one heterosecual experience does that mean youre straight? Life doesnt work quite so cut and dried.
I'm everything you were afraid your little girl would grow up to be - and your little boy.
What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.
Men have always been afraid that women could get along without them.
I think extreme heterosexuality is a perversion.
Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?
As far as I'm concerned, being any gender at all is a drag.
The only sin is mediocrity.
Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.
Most sermons sound to me like commercials - but I can't make out whether God is the Sponsor or the Product.
I can, therefore I am.
I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in human beings.
Of course, there is no such thing as a totall objective person, except Almighty God, if she exists. And if she does exist, damn is she pissed off.
I know God is not a woman - no woman would have created man with so many imperfections.
Evil dwells in moist places.
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
A woman can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing - and then they marry him.
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
I can't mate in captivity.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
Being alone, and liking it is, for a woman, an act of treachery an infidelity far more threatening than adultery.
I married beneath me. All women do.
If a woman hasnt met the right man by the time she is 24, she may be lucky.
After all God made man and then said: I can do better than that - and made woman.
No one worth possessing, can be quite possessed.
The two sexes mutually corrupt and improve each other.
I cannot abide the Mr. and Mrs. Noah attitude towards marriage; the animals went int two by two, forever stuck together with glue.
If you want to say it with flowers, remember that a single rose screams in your face, "I'm cheap!"
I think, therefore I am single.
I rely on my personality for birth control.
When my Mom found my diaphragm, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
My marriage didn't work out. I was a human being, and he was a Klingon.
The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified, is sperm donor.
I am not suprised at what I've done.
My family wasnt the Brady Bunch. They were the Broody Bunch.
My favourite thing is to go where I have never been.
To love what you do and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun.
We cannot take anything for granted beyond the first mathematical formulae -Question everything else.
The glass ceiling gets more pliable when you turn up the heat!
I don't have buried anger against men. Because my anger is right on the surface.
When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch.
I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete.
If its so natural to kill, why do men have to go into training to learn how?
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
It's a man's world, and you men can have it.
If boys are better, why should a man chose to love an inferior female? If a penis is so great, two penises should be even greater.
I wonder that men can get serious at all. They have this delicate long thing hanging outside their bodies, which goes up and down by its own will... If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself.
No one is more arrogant toward women, more agressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to watch him crow.
The difference between government bonds and men is that government bonds mature.
Don't accept rides from strange men. And remember that all men are strange.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Whenever I date a guy I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
If men could get pregnant abortion would be a sacrement.
I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Everytime I leave a man, I keep his house.
I was going to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.
When people keep telling you that you can't do a thing, you kind of like to try it.
Life is either always a tight-rope or a feather bed. Give me the tight-rope.
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
I like people who refuse to speak until they are ready to speak.
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of speaking the truth.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Women are taught early that to appear to yield, is the only way to govern.
I ask for no favours for my sex - I only ask that men take their feet off our necks.
To assess the damage is a dangerous act.
Of all the nasty outcomes predicted for a women's liberation ... none was more alarming, from a feminist point of view, than the suggestion that women would eventually become just like men.
I resent the idea that people would blame the messenger for the message, rather than looking at the content of the message itself.
I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist.
The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed.
I do not weep at the world. I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.
Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How CAN anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me.
There is no where you can go and only be with people who are like you. Give it up.
The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.
I started with this idea in my head: "There's two things I have a right to, death and liberty."
I haven't seen anyone killed and I haven't killed anyone. I have exhibited great restraint!!
In our family we don't divorce our men - we bury them.
Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.
When I was younger, I used to wonder what people thought of me. Now I wonder what I think of them.
I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesnt last long.
There are three things I have yet to do: opera, rodeo, and porno.
You cannot just waste time. Otherwise you will die to regret it.
Reality is something you rise above.
Instant gratification takes too long.
I love humanity but I hate people.
Expiring for love is beautiful but stupid.
Lack of charisma can be fatal.
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings.
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.
If women ruled the world, and we all got massages, there would be no war.
No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.
The art of being a woman can never consist of being a bad imitation of a man.
Neither birth nor sex forms a limit to genius.
Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.
One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
I have always had a dread of becoming a passanger in life.
I have always been independent, and I don't see how it conflicts with femininity.
This life isn't bad for a first draft.
No matter how big or soft or warm your bed is, you still have to get out of it.
This life isn't bad for a first draft.
The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.
A perfectly normal person is rare in our civilisation.
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
Living in a vacuum sucks.
I have often relied on the blindness of strangers.
Life itself is the proper binge.
I moved to New York City for my health. I am paranoid and it was the only place where my fears were justified.
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Just remember, we're all in this alone.