Article copied from "MODERN TIMES " magazine , Used with permission.

Could Cobra Win?

They are definitely powerful enough, and so well rooted that they can not possibly be beaten by the G.I. Joe team. I reached this conclusion some time ago, and I'll explain below.

Could they have done it? Did Cobra really have the means and resources to rule the world? Would the governments of the world eventually stepped in and stopped them, esp. if there'd never been a G.I. Joe? Could they have held the world, if they ever got it, or would infighting and dissent cause Cobra to crumble from within? If G.I. Joe hadn't been there to stop them, would anyone else have made a similar thing to Joe? Would it have worked?

Firstly we have to look at Cobra in general. Its an international terrorist organisation, with the highest possible ambition "World domination."

Now lets look at how big they are. We know they are the largest terrorist organisation in the world. They control several towns, an entire nation "Borigia" (formerly Borovia), they own an Island (which they created), they have many other bases in countries where they supply weapons. And I can't say for certain, but I believe Cobra still holds the emirate of Benzheen. Which sits on top of 10% of the worlds oil. Borigia also has many oil fields.

They are recognised by the United Nations as a legitimate nation. They have Freds/Seigies planted throughout the U.S., some even in the government. As Cobra Commander said at his Springfield speech:

"The Cobra elite trooper. One of Cobra's best, and too good to squander on a battle field! He is young, intelligent, good-looking, and upwardly mobile! On the surface an upstanding pillar of the community! Active in local politics. A concerned citizen. A trusted businessman with an untarnished reputation for honesty and fair dealing. A loving husband. A fair and compassionate father - - The last person to be suspected of being a deep-cover Cobra agent!!" "He will worm his way into confidences of the mighty and work his way upward in the political machine to the senate and... dare we hope - - higher?"

Cobra is the fully legitimate force behind the nation of Borigia. They have U.N. recognition to own Cobra Island, as I said above. They are spread out far and wide. They have methods of transport around the world such as "Swan Charter Airlines" albeit a member of G.I. Joe,Roadblock, discovered it and it would have been shut down. But I'm sure Cobra has many other secret methods of transport. They also have the huge Arb.co Cargo Ship, which is in actuality a massive mobile base which can go anywhere in the world.

During the Frusenland debacle they had another big Cargo ship dropping off equipment, such as Cobra Wolf vehicles, the ship had a big Cobra emblem on the side. Cobra had the Night Creepers doing their dirty work, like stealing ICBMS on their way to be destroyed, then selling them to small dictatorships around the world. It looks like Cobra is above such dirty business themselves due to their U.N. recognition, but are not afraid to pay other parties to do it for them. This way nothing can be directly linked to them.

When you look at G.I. Joe, you see a large team, primarily devoted to combating Cobra. They have many vehicles specifically designed for them, but overall, they are nothing compared to the size of Cobra. Unlike Cobra, they have to play by the rules. I have the feeling that there would have been many more times, in which Cobra continued to achieve, and expand. G.I. Joe, seriously, is nothing more than a pest. They can stop one or two schemes, but they are not big enough to successfully be of any use against Cobra any more. And it is perhaps no wonder that they were closed down.

Someone speculated that this was after Cobra had been defeated. No, it wasn't. Apart form the absence of Storm Shadow, still under Cobra control, Cobra was more powerful than they had ever been.

How can G.I. Joe possibly combat such a well rooted organisation of evil?

They can't, plain and simple. Cobra's base is now the Silent Castle and the nation of Borigia. Joes entering the country would be intruding. They are also in Europe, making it increasingly difficult for the American team to get to them. And assuming Cobra is to continue at the rate they are going, they would soon have many more countries and towns under their control. these towns then expand, and it becomes a huge domino scheme. Each expands, and it doubles, triples, quadruples etc...

If some towns become unruly, they can always resort to the new improved brainwave scanner. they used it on Millville. They used them on Frusenland to incite violence and a civil war. They can use them again.. and all the time, the technology is improving.

Cobra's victories and methods lie in manipulation, corruption and extortion. Large scale military based conflict is an irregularity. And G.I. Joe can not use brute force to stop Cobra from taking over more towns and nations. The only real effective way to fight Cobra is to use capable lawyers and politicians to expose these schemes and impose great difficulties on Cobra.

I know I'm painting a dark and hopeless picture here, for the good guys, but to answer the question now, after presenting these facts.. Cobra is worse than a THREAT. Lets not forget the possibility of a undercover crimson guard in the government, running for president.. getting voted in, and then being CC's puppet.

Did Cobra really have the means and resources to rule the world?

Not at their present size. They slowly expand, getting bigger all the time. They are not intending to simply use military muscle for conquest, there tactics are underhanded, double dealing and brainwashing literally. It is my guess they would make many puppet governments around the world and eventually they would easily take full control.

Would the governments of the world eventually step in and stopped them, esp. if there'd never been a G.I. Joe?

They could not step in and stop them. Its not so much a military thing, but a political strategy of conquest. What Cobra was up to would have to be revealed to the world for any of the nations to take proper action against them, and full action would have to be taken. But lets face it, Cobra would cover it up using their siegies.. possibly Cobra Commander's greatest scheme.

Could they have held the world, if they ever got it, or would infighting and dissent cause Cobra to crumble from within?

Dissent from whom? Mindbender? I'm sure Destro, Zartan, Storm Shadow and Baroness would all have returned to normal by such a time. So if we assume they would have eventually left Cobra and returned to their normal states, we are left with Cobra Commander and Dr Mindbender as the primary high ranking Cobras. Mindbender, if I understand him, is happy with his position, and as we see, he could very well be the one running things in the future, after all he appears to be manipulating Cobra Commander. He subtly drops the info about the brain implants that he surgically implanted in Zartan and Destro. Not only did he appear pleased with Cobra Commanders reaction, but he had the foresight to put those implants in. He could very well be as much of a schemer as Cobra Commander. Even Cobra Commander was forced to admit that he had been rather hasty in throwing him in with the traitors he buried in the freighter. He went to great lengths to clone him and bring him back, and since Mindbender has been very busy with an assortment of new inventions. He secures his own safety by making himself invaluable.

If G.I. Joe hadn't been there to stop them, would anyone else made a similar thing to Joe? Would it have worked?

Definitely. But these teams of good guys are no good. They are military. To properly combat Cobra now-a-days, a political team needs to be formed to weed out the siegies. Given the amount of the time, and number of siegies out there, I think Cobra would stand a better chance of destroying this political team before they could do much harm.

To beat Cobra, not only would a group of "up-to-it" senators have to get involved in unearthing the many seigies, but the Joes would have to be given authorisation to take the measures necessary to combat Cobra. They'd have to start by isolating Cobra, cutting off supply lines, starving them and taking each base one by one. And what are the chances of this sort of a turn around? The U.N. would not be happy with such a move. So these complications prevent such a thing happening.

The only way I can see Cobra quickly falling apart is if Cobra Commander and Dr Mindbender die. Cobra Commander had the genius to create this mighty organisation from virtually nothing. He has held it together and he rules with an evil iron fist. With him gone for good, Cobra would need another leader who could do the same as the Commander. Serpentor ruled with in a much more heroic way, and inspired his own troops, the opposite of Cobra Commanders methods. Both worked well, yet Serpentor is dead and no one else immediately comes to mind who could take their place.

Mindbender has the brains to run things, and indeed may already be doing so, but I doubt he could and would be comfortable in the spotlight. He needs a figure head, an idealist and Cobra Commander is just that. While I'm not saying Mindbender could not manage to do it, I believe it is more likely Cobra would struggle with him in the helm. And with both gone, who would lead? Would Destro come out of retirement, still with delusions of grandeur? Possible, but again unlikely. Cobra would either fall apart with a multitude of bickering leaders, or a new one would emerge. Cobra's size as an organisation makes Cobra strong enough to survive in some form even after a collapse.

Cobra wins. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PULLING TEETH:
The humor of Dr. Mindbender.

Ever since the Joes have gained support from famous celeberties like William "The Fridge" Perry and Sgt. Slaughter they gained popularity. In theory, if Cobra was to contract some famous names to join, our raw support would grow. Some possible recruits follow:

Bill Gates -so he is not that good in hand-to-hand combat, but this guy is where it's at. He's got money, power, brains, women (let's not deny it) and according to most people he is already evil and bent on world domination so it won't be hard to persuade him to join us.

Darth Vader -this guy's face (ur...mask) can be seen on pencil cases, watches, mittens and so on, and is already known as an evil figure without all the merchandising. The plan would be to have a cross-over, have Vader join Cobra and therefore Cobra could reap the benifits of free advertising. That'd put an end to all those adverts we take out in the USA Today.

Jay Leno -this guy could get us into the "inner circle" of NBC prompting a nation wide takeover of the network and re-naming it "The Other CBS" (Cobra Broadcasting System). Possible shows could feature, "Cold Slither Family Hour" hosted by the Dreadnoks, "Death, Destruction, Murder and Gardening Tips" with Cobra's own Destro, "Mindbending My Way" hosted by yours truly, and "Behind the Mask" a weekly look at our leader, Cobra Commander.

Xena, Warrior Princess -hell, she'll be with us just to kick everybody's ass, and maybe boost up the female quota in our ranks (seeing as we only have a couple to begin with).

The Ghost of Elvis -what would freak out the Joes more than seeing a jump-suit clad, sideburn sportin' apparition walking across the battle field? They'll be more worried about who last spotted "The Pelvis" than the current conflict. But I guess this really depends on if he is really dead or not.

Lassie -why not? This dog can tell time, play Backgammon, and save worshipers from a burning church. He could serve as a multi-purpose dog that could do anything from windex the Trouble-Bubbles to carrying out an assination attempt on Lt. Falcon. Might be useful in getting those Dreadnoks under control as well. Problem, all the good Lassies are dead, but hey, they resurrected me didn't they?

Kiss -sure they are old, but tough as nails (one of them was on fire but still continued with the show, so I hear). Long hair, war paint, and an attitude, everything a person needs to fit in with the Dreadnoks because I don't think we want them hanging around with the upperclass members of Cobra (you know who you are).

Got some Celebrity Cobra Members, send them in. tele_vipers@hotmail.com -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THINGS TO DO IF YOU BECOME AN EVIL OVERLORD

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicatment before killing them.

7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?'' My reply will be, ``No, just sensible.''

8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, ``Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?'' I'll say, ``No.'' and shoot him.

9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled ``Danger: Do Not Push''. The big red button marked ``Do Not Push'' will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word ``mercy''; I simply choose not show them any.

16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

17. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

22. I will never utter the sentence ``But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know.''

23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line ``No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!'' (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

32. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

33. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

34. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

35. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

36. Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

37. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

38. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

39. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

40. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

41. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

42. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main sqaure of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

43. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

44. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

45. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

46. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

47. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

48. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

49. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengance towards me in my old age.

50. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

51. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

52. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

53. I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.

54. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

55. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

56. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

57. I will not rely entirely upon ``totally reliable'' spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismen.

58. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say ``And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

59. If an advisor says to me ``My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?'', I will reply ``This.'' and kill the advisor.

60. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

61. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

62. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

63. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatable with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

64. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

65. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

66. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

67. If the beautiful princess that I captures says ``I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!'', I will say ``Oh well'' and kill her.

68. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

69. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

70. My legions of terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

71. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

72. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

73. I'll never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

74. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used.

75. If my advisors ask ``Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?'', I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

76. I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

77. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

78. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Have any more suggestions....send them in. tele_vipers@hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
part 3