1. Spill tea into the keyboard.
2. Get a modem and join the net.
3. Give up TV to spend twenty times more time on-line than you believe you are.
4. Create a web-site and feel elated, but what was that password?
5.What do all these question marks instead of pretty pictures mean? Who ate my jpegs? Yes I know (because I am one) Apple users have an especially hard time with CAPS and non caps.
6. (Unbeknown to you, your site can only be viewed in splendid black monochrome on any browser or computer other than your own.) The big Slough of D. Boo hoo. No fair. No one visiting site. Consider stealing someone else's clock counter.
7. Steal someone elses clock counter. 21,000 visitors that's better. Talk about a stiff neck and what the hell is going on with your eyesight? Who wouldn't want to rediscover the joys of osteopathy, but there's this one page you've just got to fix first. Wow is that the time?
8. Have yet another fantastic idea for making money on the internet that no one in your house is interested in. Your partner has finally found the way to bolster your flagging self esteem: They admire your website.
9. Wonder why this computer in front of you is crashing more often than it used to and what are we going to do about all these zillions of files we constantly download? Ooh er, did anyone feed the pets this week?
10. Spill coffee into keyboard. Makes a change from tea. Consider writing a dumb article about it, but then you'll only want to upload it and you'll have to update all your links and there's this other thing, called your life, spewing out of your intray and into the kitchen.
©David Knopfler 21st June 1996
Post script:
11. ( Did I say ten. Well I lied. ) Sooner or later, you will send an Email, along with it's signature, a meticulously typed ascii Armadillo, which once you hit the "send" button you will immediately regret. ( This one comes c/o J. Payne - thanks for sending the requested Armadillo J - he's so cute!! luv DK)
The author is a self confessed fully blown netaholic. His modest but extraordinary web-site (of course he's got one) can be found here
Recommended further reading for HTML freaks The HTML Terrorists Handbook