This week: Dannis reviews The Blob
D: Chuck Russell. Shawnee Smith, Donovan Leitch, Kevin Dillon, Joe 
Seneca, Billy Beck, Erika Eleniak, Julie McCullough, Del
Close. Tri Star Pictures. 1988. Rated R.

Well, another week, another review, I always say. This is Dannis 
again. I've been spending the last week working on my first book 
(Dannis Ken: Direct to Video). It's a collaboration between the 
owner of this page and me. We're trying to write a book of reviews
of direct to video movies. Should be fun. Now that we've got HBO 
and Cinemax, it's a lot easier to find the movies to review, too!
The Blob is probably the best remake of a horror movie I've ever 
seen. The original was made in '58 and starred Steve McQueen as
a small town rebel (who, frankly, didn't seem particularly 
rebellious). As the town rebel, obviously nobody believed him when he
spun a wild tale about ooze from outer space consuming townspeople.
The 1988 remake divides the McQueen character in half. The first 
half is Paul, a local football hero (Donovan Leitch), who gets
blobbed early in the movie. The other part is Brian, a local 
rebel (Kevin Dillon), who is actually rebellious and manages 
to survive the blob attack.
The story: a government produced virus is shot into space and mutates 
into a blob of carnivorous glop. It starts with a tramp and 
systematicly begins eating its way through the small town. 
This leads to one tremendously funny scene where the blob attacks a
showing of Garden Tool Massacre and rightfully chows down on an 
annoying movie patron (don't you wish theaters kept blobs in
storage specifically for those guys? The ones who yell out the 
plot to the whole theater? Or the secret ending or whatever?). The
government shows up to contain the thing for use as a future weapon. 
"Don't hurt the thing," recommends Dr. Meadows (Joe Seneca). "The 
townspeople are expendable." Finally Meg (Shawnee Smith) and Brian 
manage to defeat the blob just before it breaks into Town Hall where 
half the town is hiding by using its one weakness: cold. Brian drags 
a snow making machine up from a local ski resort and freezes the 
thing. The movie closes with the local Reverend (Del Close) 
predicting the end of the world for a new congregation. We find 
that he's got a small part of the blob in a jar. 
I was amazed to find Erika Eleniak in this movie (playing the ill 
fated Vicki). Her part lasts only a few seconds, but it was 
interesting nonetheless. Also, the characters in this movie make some 
of the worst mistakes people can make when fightng Jell-O from hell.
NEVER try to take it alive!

The Vital Statistics:
Body count: ???. There were a lot of them, and a lot of them were 
killed at the same time, so it's hard to say. A tramp (blobbed when
he finds the blob), Paul (blobbed at the hospital where he brought 
the tramp), Vicki (blobbed in Scott's car), Scott (blobbed while
trying to put the moves on an already blobbed Vicki), George (pulled 
down a drain face first), Sheriff Glen (goes to meet Fran at the
diner, but meets a hungry blob instead), Fran (tries to call the 
Sheriff, but gets blobbed in her phone booth (don't you love how
"blob" has become a verb?)), a camp counselor (killed by a guy 
wearing a hockey mask and wielding electric hedge clippers in a
showing of Garden Tool Massacre), Hobbs (blobbed in the projection 
booth of a local movie theater while trying to check on the air
conditioning), movie theater manager (goes to check on Hobbs and 
finds he's been blobbed), an annoying movie patron (one of the
few characters I was ever happy to see killed), lots of movie 
patrons, Eddie (blobbed while trying to escape from the sewers), 
3 guys in biosuits .trying to contain the blob in the sewers, Dr. 
Meadows (wanted to catch the blob alive and was willing to sacrifice 
the town to get it: he deserved it), Colonel Mardis, lots of his men, 
Deputy Briggs and lots of townspeople (they tried to kill it, it got
pissed off. 'Nuff said? I thought so.).

Survivors who actually saw the monster: Lots. Brian and Meg, Meg's 
family and a lot more people from town.

Classic Quote: Brian: (while escaping from a diner, the scene of a 
blob attack): Great. I killed the strawberry jam.

Overall rating: 4.5 blood purity. I haven't had this many scares and 
laughs in a single film since the first time I saw Nightmare 3.

Well, that's The Blob. Until next week, this is Dannis Ken saying, 
"Stupid, stupid reverend!."