This week: Dannis reviews Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
D: Rachel Talalay. Robert Englund, Lisa Zane, Shon Greenblat, Yaphet 
Kotto, Breckin Meyer, Ricky Dean Logan, Lezlie Deane, Roseanne Barr 
Arnold, Tom Arnold, Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp. New Line Cinema. 
1992. Rated R.

Wow! It's good to be back! Being trapped in Arcadia without the ones 
you love (yes, Susan, that means you), is hell, no matter how 
beautiful the place is, no matter how many female sidhe are trying to
tempt you...
What, Susan? What's a sidhe? Oh, that reminds me, I wanted to thank 
Susan for doing such a wonderful job of keeping this review going in 
my absence. (Susan: Good save, Dannis.) And that brings us to this 
week's review.
The first time I saw Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare I was stunned, 
I was shocked, I was, most of all, annoyed. How could they kill off 
Freddy, the greatest villain ever to have hit the screen? How could 
they do this to us die-hard fans out here?
Then I began to see FDTFN for what it really is. It's a spoof, of sorts. They were 
writing it in all seriousness, but what they managed to create was a 
farce. Freddy's funnier than ever, the characters are even more 
clueless, to the degree that once Freddy gets his claws on a kid, 
almost everybody forgets about them.
Here's the story. The real reason Freddy's been killing all the kids is they took 
his own kid away from him. He needs this daughter to get out of 
Springwood after he kills all the kids there. So he sends the last 
teen left in Springwood out to do his work for him, to find his 
daughter and bring her back, but the kid doesn't know what's happening.
Also, FDTFN was filmed in 3-D which makes for some really cool 
effects. I've never actually seen it in 3-D, but you can see the
places where the effects would have been incredible.

The Vital Statistics:
Body count: 3. Carlos (given a hearing aid that works way too well...
and when Freddy rubs his claws against a blackboard...), Spencer 
(trips out and falls prey to Freddy's favorite video game), and John 
Doe (thinks he's Freddy's kid and realizes he's wrong only when Freddy
cuts him loose from his parachute).

Survivors who actually saw the monster: 3. Maggie Burroughs (AKA 
Katherine Krueger), Tracy and Doc.

Classic Quote: Maggie: (holding Freddy's hand) Daddy, I remember 
when we used to hold hands when I was a little girl. I didn't like
it then either!

Overall rating: 2.5 blood purity. It could have been much, much worse.

Well, that's Final Nightmare. Until next week, this is Dannis Ken 
saying, "Damn, it's good to be home!"