D: Michael Cooney. Chris Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker, Eileen Seeley, Rob LaBelle, Zack Eginton, Scott MacDonald. 1996. A-Pix Entertainment. Rated R.

As the song says, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Here at the Ken home, we've already hung up our wreathes and stockings in preparation for Santa's visit. Freddy and Taryn wouldn't have it any other way. If Susan and I tried to delay the decorating process, they'd be unmanageable for weeks. And believe me when I say that Freddy and Taryn, when unmanageable, are about as easy to get along with as Jason on a bad hair day.

Jack Frost is also a pretty difficult guy to get along with, as the people of Snomonton would readily tell you. Jack Frost was just your average, run-of-the-mill serial killer (or so say the various characters in the film...I suspect he's actually a spree killer, myself) until the prison vehicle taking him to his execution crashed into a truck carrying a load of toxic chemicals. Jack escapes, but gets splashed with the chemicals. The result: Jack is turned into a walking, killing snowman.

But wait. It gets better. Jack has a real hate on for the sheriff of Snomonton, and so he heads straight for the town. During the next hour or so of the movie, Jack methodically eliminates over half of the known townspeople, and we discover that the chemicals that splashed Jack bound his DNA to the snow. And he can control his own physical state: he can be ice, snow or just plain cold water.

Finally, after Jack offs the two guys who came to town posing as FBI agents, one of the sheriff's son's cooking experiments gives him the clue he needs to stop Jack. When a baggie of rather hideous-looking oatmeal burns the rampaging snowman, Sheriff Sam asks the boy what he put in the oats. The kid's response: he didn't want his dad to get cold, so he put in some antifreeze.

The movie is repetitive, and, in some places, disgusting and disturbing. The old joke "What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?" is used more times than I can count (if you don't know the answer, e-mail me and I'll send it. It's too bad a joke to give the punchline here), and the foreshadowing is blatantly obvious. There is also a scene in which Jack rapes a young woman, so for those who would be upset by this sort of thing, please don't say I didn't warn you. I found that scene in particularly bad taste.

Body Count: 12. In a blinding flash of reason, I'm not going to tell you who and when. I realized that information can really spoil the movie.

Survivors who actually saw the monster: If I'm not going to tell you who dies, it would make to tell you who lives either, right? Next review, this category will be gone.

Classic Quote: Tommy: What are you?
Jack: The world's most pissed off snow cone!

Overall Rating: 2 blood purity. It's a good concept and fairly well executed, but some scenes are just plain wrong.

That's Jack Frost. Until next time, this is Dannis Ken saying, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."