D: John Lafia. Ally Sheedy, Lance Henriksen, Robert Costanzo, Fredric Lehne. 1993. New Line Cinema. Rated R.

For some reason I can't begin to understand, Freddy hates dogs. I don't mean he just hates them. I mean that if a dog comes near, the kid starts screaming. He's never had a bad encounter with a dog. He just, for some reason, is strangely terrified of him. The fact that Taryn's favorite toy is a stuffed Rottweiler doesn't help matters any.

Ok, a riddle. What do you get when you give a Rottweiler the climbing ability of a jaguar, the strength of a bear, the speed of a cheetah, the camoflage ability of a chameleon and acidic urine to boot? Apparently the Max-3000, dog psychopath.

In Man's Best Friend, Sheedy plays a fearless young reporter determined to make her mark on journalism. How does she intend to do this? By breaking into E-MAX, a genetic research facility run by Henriksen, and exposing his "multi-billion dollar vivisection industry" for what it really is. She manages to get into the facility and accidentally frees Max, the previously mentioned super-Rottweiler. Sheedy takes him home and makes him her pet.

Unfortunately, Max isn't quite stable. Infact, his brain is rapidly fragmenting and the only thing he seems to be able to do, much in the manner of Cujo, is kill. Fun stuff, eh?

The Vital Statistics

Body Count: 9 or 10. Judy the research assistant (killed by Max), the pursesnatcher (ditto), Boo the cat (swallowed whole), the mailman (he and Max needed to come to terms: he sprayed Max with mace to get his point across, so Max tore out his throat to make his own point), Ray the junkman (Max again), Parry (maybe: Max poured his acid in his face), the two detectives (more Max), the good doctor (electrocuted) and Max himself (shotgun to the torso).

Survivors who actually saw the monster: Sheedy, her camerawoman, lots of policemen, two little kids.

Classic Quote: Sadistic animal control worker: (upon hearing that several police are pursuing a dog) We've got to get in on this action!

Overall Rating: 1.5 Blood Purity. The film, like Max, is a dog.

Well, that's Man's Best Friend. Until next week, this is Dannis Ken saying, "Taryn, stop shoving that thing in your brother's face."