VS.
1. Titanic may be big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Star Wars has WAY better action figure potential.
3. Yoda could use the Force to just lift Titanic out of the water.
4. Leia is a princess, a senator, a diplomat, a freedom fighter, a
brilliant strategist, and Jedi material; Rose is just cute marriage
bait.
5. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
6. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn't say "WOW!
Look at the size of that thing!" with any sincerity.
7. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by an evil
madman with a lightsaber as opposed to an idiot with a handgun.
8 a. Titanic is egalitarian in that it portrays poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to the rank of Admiral.
b. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he greases his hair, sneers at
the poor, and treats his fiance like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he wears an ominous, voluminous black cape and mysterious mask, strangles people with a glance and blows up entire planets for sport.
10. Yeah, okay, so Leo can dance...but can he fly an X-wing?
11. People have never lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
12. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the
Hutt. Now c'mon...who's really the brave one here?
13. Two words: Harrison Ford
14. There are always more than enough escape pods in Star Wars.
15. Do you have any idea what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?
16. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship,
he would either...
A: Cut himself free with his lightsaber;
B: Use the Force to get the key; or
C: Han Solo would come in at the last second and blast the cuffs off.
17. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the
same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
18. We all knew the boat was gonna sink, but who was ready for
"Luke....I am your father." ???
19. Han Solo would've missed that dang iceberg!
20. Han, though frozen solid in carbonite and turned into a wall
ornament, returns in excellent health to mount a successful
mission against the Empire on Endor, crushing the enemy and
single-handedly paving the way for a brilliant air campaign which
results in the destruction of the Empire's second attempt at a Death
Star, AND claims the heart of his woman with whom he will live
happily ever after. Jack, on the other hand, simply freezes.
VS.