This homepage is dedicated to all those goobers who :) Drive 10 or more miles an hour under the posted speed limit Appear to need help getting started when the light is not their particular shade of green Write checks after their items are rung through in the "Cash Only" lane Figure "No Stopping-Fire Lane" signs only apply if their car is on fire Have a "God is my copilot" sticker on their car, so assume they can ignore traffic Stop and chat in groups in the middle of narrow aisles and hallways Get mad when you give them the finger after they cut you off When they shout in anger, its "assertiveness" ;) when you do, it's "a tantrum" Are racist, until somebody makes a comment against them! Are incredibly cheap, until it's your turn to buy lunch Deny us the pleasure of them having a shower every now and then Cry about child tax credits until the day they have children Suggest a $200M megaproject is a great idea, then cry about higher taxes Build in an area known for gang and drug problems, then get on their "soapbox" about law and order Build on flood plains, then whine when the house gets wet Build under a known airport flight path, then demand the airport be shut down to reduce noise Complain how their local sports team is underfunded, but don't go to any games Complain about lack of police service, but go ballistic when they are pulled over Can't resist telling "horror stories" to people sick or in hospital Can't resist telling "horror stories" to anyone charged with an offense Can't resist telling "horror stories" to somebody starting their first business venture Can't resist telling "horror stories" to someone travelling to another country Can't resist telling "horror stories" no matter what the occasion Don't understand "Dilbert" Are always late, with an excuse, but tattle tale on someone who is just as late as them Complain about their weight, while hoggin' the Haagen-Dasz Teach their children to shoplift (See police service above) Complain alchohol is the root of all evil when it suits their purpose Complain about drugs while boozing away the rent money and beating their spouse Complain about drugs and booze, but use religion to justify ~name the crime~ Whine about declining educational standards, yet don't vote for school improvements Hang on every word ever spoken by Elvis, "America's noted futurist" Assume all teenagers are bad news (they are ;), but really truly mean it Figure that if a ~group or race~ does it, its OK, but if an ~other group or race~ does it...well then... Complain about "energy issues", but drive a pre-1970 6+ litre "land yacht" bonus points if the engine is a "hemi" or has a blower or 6-pack Feel bicyclists are above the law because police cars can't drive on the sidewalk to catch them (See Police Service above) Complain about technology, yet are reading this (goober!) Complain about declining government service, but won't send a free letter to their rep to say so Have learned how to get on the "web", and still can't program the VCR (then again, maybe it's the other way around) Live in winter cities and whine about the cold Live in tropical cities and whine about the heat Complain about high prices, but always buy the "name brand" Have "false motion sickness syndrome" if they don't get the front seat of the car Are "allergic" to anything marginally inconvenient, yet only if they know it's happening to them Can't seem to get to work or school on time, but NEVER miss their favorite TV show Can't seem to get to work or school on time, but NEVER are late for the big game Can't seem to get to work or school on time, but are always first out the door Pointedly never think about the impact of not having medicare Always seem to understand other cultures enough to complain about them but never actually visit, learn a language, or otherwise really get to know them Believe any of the following are sports: Curling synchronized swimming Chess Are compulsive whiners and complainers Create useless home pages like this Contribute new list items