Q: Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers? A: New Jersey had first pick. Q: What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman. Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? A: You take your foot off his head. Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a Godfather? A: An offer you can't understand. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers? A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside. Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions? A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari. Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him. Q: What's the difference between a catfish and an attorney? A: One's a mud-sucking, slime-eating bottom feeder, and the other's a fish. Q: If you had a gun with only two bullets, and were placed in a room with Saddam Hussein, Muammar Khaddafi and a lawyer, what would be the most patriotic move? A: Shoot the lawyer. Then shoot him again just to make sure.