These photos were taken before my arrival here in Canada....*S*

First the background.....

I first met Richard in 1980. I thought I loved him.....*sigh* Everything was going fine between us until I got married to him on August 22, 1986. He was a caring man, and I thought I could overlook his possessiveness, or he would change once we were married. (NOT!!)

When we got married I had to quit my job and stay home. I was not allowed to work outside the home, and I was discouraged from having any friends other than his family or mine. To say the least..life was hard and quite lonely after that. When I married him I didn't know that he was a control freak that only wanted someone to control. Someone that he could claim as his own. (I had a son from a previous marriage that he was helping me to raise.)

Then on December 23, 1989 my youngest son Daniel was born.
What a mess he was born into....
Don't get me wrong..... I LOVE my children.....*S* They mean the world to me, but they just weren't filling the void I found increasingly growing in my life.

The Beginning of the END

Out of sheer boredom and desperation I finally talked Richard into buying me a computer and getting the internet connection for me in May of 1996. By this time I was almost at the end of my rope. I was bored, lonely, depressed, and starved for love. After getting the internet I found a place called CHATHOUSE and started going there often. I tried to make some new friends in the hope that it would help ease the loneliness that I was feeling. Here I could chat with someone other than my kids or my family, or Richard's family. They were real people with interesting handles, real feelings, real lives. I have to admit that I was hooked. Here I could try to find myself, who I was, and try to sort out what it was that I wanted out of life.

My marriage to Richard was falling apart and I didn't know how to save it.
I wasn't sure I WANTED to save it....*sigh* I wasn't happy with my life.....but how to change it. It was the only life I had known for so long I had no idea what to do....or how. The stress level in my life was steadily mounting and the toll on my health was beginning to show. I was continually sick and taking some kind of medication on a fairly regular basis.

THE FIRST MEETING

I met WOLF for the first time on AUGUST 29th of 1996. I was in CHATHOUSE and I was having a bad night.....
I could not seem to get anyone to talk to me and I was beginning to feel sorry for myself. I entered a room with several people and said hello to everyone there. No one responded except WOLF. We chatted back and forth for a little while and he kept encouraging me to greet everyone that came into the room. Pretty soon I had a bunch of people talking to me and I found that I was havin a hard time keeping up with all of them....*L*

The very next day I was back in the chathouse and I was trying to find someone to talk to. And who came walkin in but WOLF!!! My eyes lit up and my hello was a very warm and happy one.
At last a friendly face......*BS*

I chatted with WOLF and one of his friends (IMPETTE) for a bit before going off to another room to seek new friends. I started collecting jokes and telling them in every room I entered in the hope it would generate some conversation. In some rooms it worked, but in others it wasn't so successful....*S* If I was laughing at jokes I didn't have time to worry about my own unhappiness. A month or so after I met him I was feelin a bit down and almost in tears. WOLF suggested calling me to cheer me up. I hesitated for only a couple of minutes....but I felt I could trust him so I gave him my phone number. *L* It turned out to be quite entertaining. And possibly the best thing I had ever done in my life up to that point....*S* He had me laughing so hard that I nearly woke up the whole neighborhood.....*LOL* WOLF is one funny guy.....*BS* After that it was a call at least once every two weeks. Just to hear his funny stories and hear his voice. I still regularly chatted with him in chathouse.

Each time that I chatted with WOLF I found myself looking forward to seeing him again. Even LOOKING for him whenever I went in to chat.....*L*

I didn't know then....or at least I denied it....that I was falling in love with him. I was married...*sigh*....it was wrong to feel this way about someone other than my husband. But try as I might, my heart had a mind of it's own.

THE BLACK HOLE

Then in November things were looking pretty bleak at my end. I was having a really hard time dealing with kids, bills, no money, (since Richard worked at a job making little more than minimum wage...) and feeling so isolated. I could see no way out of this black hole I had for a life and I was ready to end it all.
I had everything planned out. Right down to who would find my body and when.

But before I went ahead with my plan I HAD to say goodbye to my special friend WOLF.....*soft smile* I will always be grateful that he cued in on what I had planned and talked me out of it. He told me that there was never anything bad enough to warrant such a drastic measure. He also told me that I was a terrific person and he would not want to see me end my life because of a failing marriage and a lack of self esteem. BOTH things could be remedied.....*S* He called me on the phone and we talked and I cried for most of two hours. But by the end of the call I was feeling that there WAS some hope for a brighter future.

A NEW FUTURE??

He made me see that I was worth something....I was special. From that day forward I spent a great deal of time thinking about my life and what I wanted out of it.....
I wanted someone SPECIAL that would make ME feel special. I wanted WOLF.....*L* So I went about "chasing" him.....*LOL* I sent him packages via snail mail.... sent him email (quite a few times a day)....
Then I started calling him and chatting on the phone just so I could hear his voice. I was really hooked!! I even cried myself to sleep on the nights I couldn't talk to him. I had fallen hard!!!! I still didn't want to admit that my marriage was a total disaster, but I didn't want to lose WOLF either. I told him how I felt about him and we discussed what I should do. I told him that I was really unhappy with my marriage and he said if I was so unhappy why stay? We talked for a bit about how we felt for each other, then he asked me how I felt about coming up to Canada. I nearly fell to the floor. Finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted WOLF in my life on a permanent basis so badly. So when I was given this chance I JUMPED at it. *L* Little did he know that I was absolutely sure that things WOULD work out between us.

A PAINFUL END

I first tried to leave on December 2, 1996, but Richard caught me before I could get away....*sigh* I had originally planned to leave, then come back for my two youngest children. But since I didn't make it out.....
Richard, in an attempt to keep me in Washington, and with him, even resorted to calling in friends who then called the police....*sigh* He was so angry that I would even THINK of leaving him that he started pushing me around and telling me that I would NEVER leave him. By this time I was in tears, trying to go out the door, and I got angry and screamed at him that he couldn't stop me.
So he tried the emotional blackmail.....said he'd kill himself if I left......*sigh*

THE BREAKDOWN

I was so exhausted by now that I couldn't fight him any more that night. So I relented and put my bags down and said I would stay for now. What I really wanted was for him to leave me alone so I could get away....
but it didn't work out that way. He took the whole next week off and stayed home watching me for fear I would leave again. (Which I would have had he left me alone.) Due to his constant criticism and nagging, and watching me, I was under so much stress that my body began to systematically shut itself down. My whole right side began to go numb.... *shaking head* I couldn't walk properly and I was having difficulty with writing as well...
As a result I was taken to the doctor and placed on all kinds of pills to combat the effects of the stress.

(I would learn later that Richard tried to use this to his advantage and have me declared incompetent so he could get me taken back into Washington and have me put away somewhere.)

The doctor wanted me to go to counseling on how to deal with stress. What the doctor didn't seem to understand was that the marriage being so bad is what was making me so miserable. I wanted out!!! I wanted a normal life...friends....someone to LOVE ME for who I am....someone I could be happy with....I wanted WOLF!! *crying*

THE LAST STRAW

On January the 8th WOLF's phone got cut because of some financial problems he was having. I was soooo miserable!!! I couldn't just pick up the phone and talk to him.....
I couldn't go to chathouse and find him.... I couldn't just email him and read his comforting words in reply. I was devastated to say the least. He even went to a phone booth in the middle of a snow storm to tell me that he was going to be offline for a while....*sniff* I wanted to be with him so desperately....*crying* I needed to hear his voice and hold him in my arms. I was so deeply in love with him that there was no turning back.....I had to try to leave again.....

FINAL DEPARTURE

So on January the 10th, 1997 I was given the golden opportunity to leave. Richard had to work early and my oldest son was going to go sign himself out of school (since he was a legal adult he could do that!) I had been saving money since before my first attempt to leave, so I counted out what I had, then called the bus station to find out what it would cost to take me and my two sons to Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. At last.....my chance had arrived. Since it was within my price range I went ahead with it. I had mine and my boys bags packed and ready to go in 30 minutes,then we threw them and my computer into the truck and headed out. I was so sure of how WOLF and I felt about each other that I purchased one way tickets. *L*

The boys and I first went into Seattle at 10:00 AM to catch the bus. Upon arriving at the bus station I was told that the bus route I would normally take was being closed due to a severe snow storm. And the only way to reach my destination would be to travel farther south to go around the worst of it. It would take an extra day and approximately an extra 1,000 miles, but I could still do it. The biggest draw back was the departure time was delayed until 2:00 PM. I was terribly afraid that I would be seen by Richard (since he worked in Seattle) and I would be caught again. But I went ahead with my plan and boarded the bus that took us to Portland, Oregon. From there the bus took us to Boise, Idaho. We were on so many buses after that, that I lost track of where we were. The only thing I knew for sure was that I would finally be with the man I had fallen in love with. We rode the bus for four days,and 3600 miles, through snow storms, ice storms, the cold winter nights, and the endless miles of bleak, empty skylines.

Before leaving Washington, WOLF and I had made arrangements with one of his friends to use their phone as a message phone so that I could let them know of my progress..... (WOLF at this point still didn't believe me that I was coming to be with him. He still thought I was FULL OF IT!!! *LOL* I guess I showed him huh???) We arrived in Hamilton on January 14th, 1997. As he promised he was at the bus station to greet us when we got off the bus.

THE NEW BEGINNING

Things got off to a nervous start at first, since we had never met in person until that moment....*L* We greeted each other with a hug and a nervous kiss. Then got the bags into the truck and headed for home.

We talked all the way and I found myself reaching out to hold his hand just as I had wanted to do while I was in Washington. Tears of joy filling my eyes. By the next hour it felt as if we had been together forever. I knew in my heart that I had found the right man to spend the rest of my life with. I loved him more than I had ever known possible. *soft smile* I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving the man of my dreams.