Bart's List Of Blackboard Openings
I did not see anything strange in the teachers lounge
I will not spank others
Spitwads are not free speech
I will not skateboard in the halls
Hamsters cannot fly
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
I am not certified to remove asbestos
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
I will remember to take my medication
The boys room is not a water park
Nerve gas is not a toy
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
Funny noises are not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not make flatuent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I star..
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Tar is not a plaything
I will not cut corners
I will not drive the principals car.
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
Gold fish don't bounce
wedgies are not healthy for people and animals