March 27, 2004

The strangest thing happened to me a couple hours ago that has left me disturbed. I have a homeless brother. It is a long and sad story. He was born when I was 8 years old. He was the cutest kid and very charming. Everyone liked him. When he was about 13 yrs old, I left home and a year later my sister came out to LA to join me. At 16, he had an accident that left his right hand with only two fingers. Over the years, he was not emotionally able to handle it. In medical school he began drinking and taking drugs. He is a 60's liberal and it ruined his life. His wife couldn't live with him and he never had any children and never remarried. He said he caused a girl to commit suicide and he felt very guilty about that. He eventuly moved in with my mother when he couldn't keep a job. When my parents died, we kicked him out of the house but, he found a decent apt. We later found out he was homeless. No one could stand living with him. A couple Christmas' ago, he called my sister and she fed him and helped him clean up. His habits are so bad, they had to put him in a cheap hotel. We haven't seen him since. As I was driving to the market, I saw a man walking up the street that looked like him. His arm was in a sling and bandaged up. He turned to see my car as if he knew it was me. I didn't know what to think. I have so much guilt over him. We took care of my dad together in his last days. We had many lunches together and attended many doctors appointments with my dad. He had sobered up for many years but, went on prozac and I think it was the wrong drug for him. He is diagnosed as having schizoprenia and takes meds for that among many other drugs. He knew how to con doctors. When I returned home from the store, he wasn't there at my doorstep waiting for me so I could have mistaken this man as my brother. Needless to say, he dredged up many old memories that have been locked up for years.

March 27, 2004

We are home again. It is so good to sleep in my own bed with 57 degrees outside. We boiled the whole week in Arizona. What did we get ourselves into?? It will take some adjusting.
BTW eating too much ice cream on this trip. It seems everyone wanted comfort food. Stress does that. I am noticing my moods changing. We havent' eaten Dryer's ice cream in over a year when dh went on Atkins. It is amazing the difference in my happiness. All week, I awoke very moody and tired. What could Dryer's add to their recipe that could affect me like this? It is the same symptoms that plagued me for 3 years until we decided to stop eating it anymore. I have had a new lease on life ever since. Stopping Dryer's ice cream is easier than going on anti-depressants.
Today, we are thrilled for our son who is so close to moving into his dream home. We want to go up there after lunch to take a look see. He is moving a few things this weekend and it should be ready to move in totally by next weekend. They have been waiting nearly 7 mos. There seems to be a spirit of migration in the air. Low interest rates help.

March 23, 2004

Big day at the design center. It is designing for the sexes. I want tile floors and he wants wood. I want corian tops and he wants granite. I wanted an expensive carpet and he didn't care. We made a compromise we both can live with. Money is a great equalizer. We will have corian tops with wood flooring. We found a carpet we like for a reasonable amount. Appliances are standard and will do the trick. We can always upgrade down the road. The big diagreement was the way we would lay out the wood. He won on the north to south layout, but, I was vindicated when we saw the model home again. We quickly made a change for an east to west layout. I am relieved this part is all over with. I have been doing my homework on this for the last two months driving my dh crazy. Now, on to the hard part getting the old house ready to sell.

March 22, 2004

Spent all morning in the doctors office going from xray back to his office. He is one busy doctor. My daughter said we would like him a lot. But, he isn't taking any medicare patients. I hope he accepts us. From the xrays, he saw a fracture in left foot and a bad sprain all around in right foot. She will not be able to walk for a month. Ordering her a wheelchair and crutches. The worse part of this accident is the move in a month. We will have to go out to help her. Life sure can throw you a left curve. There has to be a rainbow at the end of this tunnel.

March 21, 2004

Leaving for the desert today. Nice day too. My sister decided she wanted to go along and it went by fast. We had so much to talk about. We stopped for a break in Palm Springs and the temp read 102 degrees. This is March for heaven's sake. We weren't looking forward to what Phoenix weather would be like.
Received a bad phone call after our Palm Springs stop. My daughter fell down the bottom stair in her house and was in tears. She cannot walk. Both her ankles hurt really bad. Bad timing.

March 13, 2004

These are Hot Fudge Sundae kind of days. Need I say more that I am under stress these days. Amazing what a good night sleep will do to help with the overly tired down times.
Yesterday, we had an appointment with a living trust attorney. He is going to set us up with a document for the time we end our lives on earth. It has to be done and we put it off for too long. This has been hanging over my head for years now. Finally, DH, has volunteered to go through this.
Afterwards, we went to our favorite Fish HOuse and I was so famished, I was beginning to get sick. When they served that delicious Loaf of Sourdough bread w/ butter, no one had to force me to begin slicing. It was the best Atlantic Cod lunch I have had there since we began eating there. We will miss this restaurant for sure.
We met a woman who seemed interested in our home to buy. She followed us home and didn't seem committed to the point of even asking how much we wanted for it. It kind of bummed me out. She had been out looking at model homes in the new developements. Maybe the contrast of old vs new didn't impress her. Here we thought we had a winner of a house and she deflated our balloon. That is when I had the desire for a hot fudge sundae.
We found an agent who doesn't charge full amount for selling a home. He said if we wait till this summer, the price of homes here are rising so fast, that we may get the amount we want. Let us pray he is right. They began breaking ground on our house and it will be moving along fast now for an August move in. Aren't we the luckiest people in the world to be moving to Arizona in August. Let us pray that the monsoon season begins the week before the day. The rain does cool things off. At this moment it all seems overwhelming. Must continue to have faith

March 01, 2004

"Rain, rain go away and come back another day"
In the beginning the rain clouds were a blessing, but, now the earth has become saturated and I think we got our quota for the year. The brief moments the sun does come out, it's light and warmth feels so good.
I need some light and comfort today. I have mentioned before about my husband's spending problem and yesterday, I saw it in black and white. Last night, I went to bed feeling very discouraged. It is amazing how a good night sleep helps heal all negative emotions. It doesn't help that I am fighting a spring cold or is it allergies?
Today is voting day and it appears the new voting machine is acting up. I am sure there are many helpers in the precincts available to make it right again. I haven't gone to the poles yet, and hope the glitches are fixed. This will be my last vote in California. We have to find out if we are to vote absentee or get registered in AZ on our next trip. I sure don't want my presidential vote to go wasted.
My jeans seem very tight today. I know stress brings on eating cravings. I have been looking around for goodies to eat. I am so glad my cupboards are diet proof. My latest addiciton are cashew nuts. Costco sells the best cashew nuts. At least they aren't sugary More later.....