I’ve been to support groups for survivors. I know the kind of stuff they usually talk about...things like being beaten or raped or hungry. There are a lot of things that are more or less all right to talk about now. I mean, I could talk about problems with my husband or with my daughter or with finances, and people could understand what I was saying. I think a lot of people could relate to these kinds of problems. I guess we all have them, don’t we?

But the code of silence is something else. That’s why I usually don’t say much when I go to the group meetings. If you know what this means, you may be able to understand. If you don’t know, I can’t tell you. The code of silence carries on from generation to generation, and I don’t know where it will ever end. My mother took things to her grave with her; some day, I will too.

It’s so hard, knowing so much inside and never being able to say it or do anything about it. I’ve thought and thought about who I could talk to. I mean, I’ve thought about counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, even you. I’ve wondered about maybe a priest or a minister. I even thought about the F.B.I. But I just can’t think of anyone where this stuff would be safe. I guess that’s my big issue - making sure I’m safe. It’s a very lonely place to be when I have no one and have to depend only on myself. What else can I do? I cannot break the code of silence.