I was as nervous as Tori was when she dialed the Denesin's phone number, I didn't know what to expect from the family I had just ripped away from my best friend. Everybody was kinda scared of me now, because I freaked out last night, but I think mom will talk to them, I don't know why I freaked out so much. Actually I do, all I needed was a friend to talk to, and tell me it's okay. As we sat there in suspense waiting for the phone to ring. "She's not home." Tori said keeping the phone to her ear. "We'll try later." I said. "No, I'm going to leave a message and tell them the phone number." She said. I didn't know if that was a good idea, what if she didn't want her back, Tori would be in such pain. "Hello, this is Victoria, I need to... " She said not being finished. "Mom!" She said. She must have picked up the phone. Oh boy, this was going to be strange.

Tori

As soon as my mother picked up the phone, my heartbeat sped up to about the speed of a racing train. "Mom! I am so sorry for what I said!," I cried. Right before I had run from her in the airport, I told her" I hate you!" "Oh, Vicky! It's okay! It' not easy to find out that the people that you've grown up with lied to you," Mom said. "I want to cme live with you and Dad!," I said. "We would like nothing less than that," she said, crying openly over the phone. We made plans to meet the next day. I hung up. "Tori? Is everything going to be okay?," Ray asked. She had really freaked everyone out last night with her screaming. but, I understood why. She had needed someone to talk to. A friend. "Ray, everything is going to be great. Because I'll live with them, I won't have to go back to Paramus, ever!," I said. "Oh, wow!," she cried. Because, if we hadn't found my real family, I eventually would have had to leave anyway. But now that I'll live in Tulsa permanently, I won't have to worry about that.

Rachel

She hung up the phone, smiling from ear to ear. "Tomorrow at six o'clock at night." She said. "Wow, that's great." I said enthusiastically. Would she stay with us for the summer or will she go to her parents? "Tor, will you stay with us, or will you go to your parents for the rest of the summer?" I asked. "Umm....I don't know." She said a little shyly. "But, what I do know is that I need to do this tomorrow, by myself, I have to learn." She said walking into the living room. "OK, you really do, it's your moment with your real family, I had mine, and I would like to have a little while alone with them." I said. I regretted what I said immediately. Her face got bright red. "Oh, yeah, Ray, I know what you mean, you haven't had any time alone with them at all." She said turning away. "I didn't mean it that way Tor, I just need to straighten things out with the rest of my family, and I have to do it alone also. I mean Avery hates me, Jess thinks the coolest thing about me is my eyes, I need to get to know Zac, and Ike more, I need to get my answers taken care of, and I need Tay to be my Tay again." I said. I never thought I felt that way. "I totally understand Rach, I need to do some things alone also, we have all the summer, one day isn't that bad." She said looking at me. I knew she wanted to be alone with her family as much as I did. "I really hope you come back." I said. "I'll come back, I'm only going to meet them." She said. "I hope so." I added.

Tori (Sappy)

Now I was feeling guilty again. Ray had just pointed out that she hadn't spent any time alnoe with her family, which I was aware of that it was my fault. I walked out of the romm, and went up stairs to write. I always wrote when I was feeling bad. Mostly poems or something. I went to the room I shared with Ray, Tay, Ike, and Zac. Five people in one room was to much in my opinion. I sat down, and pulled out my huge purple notebok full of poems. I pulled out my red pen,and started to write.

Not There

I reach out to touch

Your Hand

But, you're not there

I call out your name

But you don't answer

I open the door for you

But you're not there to come in

Why aren't you here for me?

Why did you leave?

I want to tell you

I love you

But you're not there

To hear

I capped my pen. I tried to find where the inspiraton for this poem came. This was one of the weirdest ones I've ever written. I usually wrote about how lonely I was. It hit me. I knew who inspired it. Taylor. This poem was about how much I loved him. Now, I knew why I was so miserable. I wish I had someone to talk to. But, I can't to Ray about this. And certainly not Taylor. Like always, I had no one to turn to.

Will Tori confess her feelings to Tay? Click to go on!

(Not There咀opyright 1998 by Lissa)