• Powerful love overwhelmed me,
• when I first saw that baby boy,
• my only son, my firstborn.
• I never knew that anything could
• stir feelings so intense, to love
• to protect, to care for him.
• He was my heart, my soul, my life.
• So sweet, his smile of contentment,
• his delighted giggles, his body
• limp with sleep.
• He grew strong, and bright, quick
• to run and demand a hug before
• returning to his orbit around me.
• A happy child, laughing
• and full of energy.
• Bright and curious, pelting
• everyone he met with questions,
• running circles around us all,
• easily affectionate.
• Then he changed,
• intelligence turned to sly deviousness,
• all ambition and liveliness disappeared.
• Stiff,
• rejecting affection, turning from touching.
• Preferring lies to truth,
• no smiles to light his face,
• no laughter, solemn, guarded,
• withdrawn from life.
• How could this happen?
• Where is my son, my firstborn,
• my lovely love? Someone
• tell me, how could he disappear?
• I cannot grieve for him openly,
• as he had died, yet I feel that he has.
• I do not know this stranger, who
• spurns my love.
• I grieve, and I am ashamed.
• Surely, I must have failed him horribly, to
• cause
• this metamorphosis.
• Though I do not remember the occasion.
• And I think back to that child,
• my only son, my firstborn, my love.
• And I love him still, with an
• intensity that denies all separation.
• And I cannot fathom how the
• change took place, where I
• lost him. Does he still live
• somewhere under all that armor?
• And I pray someday I'll look up,
• and see the prodigal return.
• I understand the need for the
• fatted calf, the celebration.
• For the return of my only son,
• my firstborn, my greatest love
• would heal my heart,
• and ease my soul.

Original and copywrite protected

Tina Bell tdbell1@jps.net