2/2/99
I am the eldest of three brothers born into a military family. My dad is in the Air Force. From as soon as my memory starts I find myself moving physically, mentally and spiritually. God has provided for me a life of change. Some say change is bad. I strongly believe that when God is allowed free reign in a life quite the reverse is true.
By the time I was five years old I had come to grips with the idea of warts. I had them. They were on my hands and on my feet. They hurt to leave on, and they hurt to freeze off. My parents told me they were going to pray them off, and pray they did, and off they came. I would say this was my first run-in that I remember of a loving God's great power.
I was a hyper-active child and probably terrorized my parents. It did not help that I had big temper and was subject to depression. In fifth grade I entered my fourth school since first grade. I was new to Colorado Springs, and once again I was making new friends in order to survive. I had grown up in church, usually Lutheran, and had acquired an impressive knowledge of the Bible for my age that would continue to grow. I guess I knew what it said but not what it meant.
In the middle of my fifth grade year around Christmas time God began taking the final steps to bring me into His fold. I remember crying one day trying to hold my temper about something or another. It might have been that night (I'm not sure of the day) that I became a Christian. About nine o'clock at night after my parents had put us to bed I told my middle brother, Luke, that I wanted to become a Christian. So there under the covers of the bed I shared with him I asked Jesus into my life intent to serve Him. I was later baptized at my family's church, a free church, to the tune of "There's Power in the Blood".
God began His change in me immediately. The first thing to be thrown out of my life was my temper. This was replaced by a spirit of gentleness and friendliness I had never known. God also gave me the gift of forgiveness in such a way I still have a hard time understanding why some people will never forgive.
God also gave me a more easy going nature allowing me relinquish control of my life and causing a great reduction of stress in my life which in turn led to much better health. It was also about this time that I learned I could write with some proficiency. By my eighth grade year my grades had improved and I received a major honor for my performance in school which was something new to me.
My major assignment (looking back) was to befriend a new girl to the school. This came naturally with God's previous training. In time, that agent of God's change, I moved to Korea the summer after my eighth grade year. After a while, I received a letter from the girl I had befriended. It turns out she was a very melancholy person, and that I and another guy named Matt had indirectly kept her from committing suicide. I guess I learned from that just how important it is to be friendly and watch out especially for the new people and strangers.
During my sophomore year in Korea my spiritual walk took a leap. I had a Bible teacher named Mr. Etter who challenged me. He brought me and 3 other guys into a small group and handed us simplified devotionals designed for reading the Bible through in three years with a prayer journal at the end. God gave me the endurance to set the habit of evening devotions which I still continue to this day. God put in my heart to read the Bible through before Luke's fourteenth birthday.
In Korea there is a two year rotation of families. Because of this my youth group of eight was reduced down to me and then my teacher left. Well, about five months later when people began to move again I was blessed with another youth group and youth leader named Kevin. I learned from him that God can take ANY person no matter how messed up they have been and use them to serve Him. Another cool thing I learned for Korea was the power of prayer in the Korean Church.
In time, My family moved to San Antonio. I was a Junior at a new school, Bracken Christian. God taught me some leadership skills through the basketball team's head manager job. I also began learning Spanish that would be used later. Around the end of the school year I had been doubting my salvation. God, as He always seems to do for me, took care of this through a mission trip to Mexico with my church youth group.
Numerous interesting things happened on this trip. The first major thing was God healed our youth minister, Daniel, from a sickness like a really bad flu. Secondly, God used my doubt to grow me and increase my faith. Thirdly, God called me into full-time ministry which at the time I thought was youth ministry, but has since had no light on the subject leaving me wondering.
While there, we did a VBS for the kids of a village in the mountains. I participated in two dramas, sat with the children though some movies, and taught a little group a simple crafts. I used a whole roll of film for the whole endeavor. I also developed a slight anti-soft drink feeling from way too much coke.
That summer was one of the most growth filled times of my life. My devotions were lasting between an hour and quarter to an hour and forty-five minutes. God became very real to me, and I devoured Bible as I never have since.
My Senior year I ended up co-leading a twice then once weekly morning prayer meeting. Many days was I the only soul in attendance. During this year God allowed me to facilitate the transition four or five guys into my church. I have been repeatedly told that my God given friendliness had welcomed them in such a way that they were inclined to stay. I graduated and was soon on my way down to Mexico with Harvest Evangelistic Association again.
This time we went to Nueve Ciudad, the poor section, in Monterey. I got to play with the kids before hand and was most popular for spinning them around. During VBS sessions I "guarded" the stairs and talked with some of the older kids using the little Spanish God had so benevolently allowed me to learn.
It was about this time that I first became aware that I had erected emotional walls around myself. My best guess is that they stem back to my elementary and middle school years when I was constantly insulted by almost everyone. My walls had finally reached the height that they even affected my worship which had become totally un-emotional. Only now as I write this has God begun to bring them down.
My Freshman year at college was interesting as I began to discover who I was. God began pulling down my mask of false humor ever so slowly. I made friends with almost the entire class and quite a few of the upper classmen, but depression still plagued me. It took me while to choose a church and I later chose another before settling.
I met my best friend, Greg, that year and began a relationship in which he sort of mentored me. He became a youth ministry major and God called him out of Chemistry. He helped me increase my faith in God uniquely through science which I had always enjoyed. He also was a fairly good theologian, as college students go, and broadened my horizons a bit.
My sophomore year was a period of growth. My family had change cities again moving back to Colorado Springs in the middle of the summer making for some interesting arrangements for my mailing address which changed three times. On my way back to college I went to my Uncles church and was blessed by God. He told me to forgive myself. I had always had a problem of forgiving myself which probably led to my depression. I always felt that everything was my responsibility and therefore if anything went wrong I was guilty. I especially needed this knock on the head to help me fight against my habitual sin of lust and of self-condemnation.
During the first semester God dealt with my depression. God allowed me to realize that I had to choose to be depressed. To be depressed after realizing I was letting myself be depressed was sin. God made it very uncomfortable for me to be depressed and so defeated my routine depression. It felt good. I became involved in Bible study which I eventually led the next semester.
The next semester God began teaching me about real friendship and love, two things I had serious misunderstandings about. I learned that friendship is enjoying to be with someone not entertained by someone. I learned other numerous facets of friendship that have since been filed away into subconscious action. One of my favorite stories to tell relates to a humorous personal experience in which I jumped the gun in trying to begin a romantic relationship before God's time was right.
Summer came once again as it has the strange habit of doing. I learned about myself at my job through numerous co-workers who were just like me in some ways. Through the whole experience I learned that I could be very obnoxious and that I needed to mellow just a tad, okay, a lot. Also, during the summer I attended church with an old friend of mine once which God used to give me a slightly clearer view of life and prepare me for my eventual ministry.
My Junior year at college was an exciting time for me. I met this girl.... Her name was Becca and at the time of this writing we have been together for three months. God has been using her to slowly pull down my emotional un-attachment and give me a heart of flesh once again. He is also using her to help me fight in my struggle with lust. She is one of the most modest girls I have ever met in my life, and I thank the Lord for that.
One night late in the semester my "little sister", as I call her took me for a walk and revealed my faults and failings to me. It changed me. I got right with God that night and repented. I'm expecting God to do some awesome stuff this semester in my life. I hope to come out once again, changed.