A Crying Shame
Laurie <StreenzL@aol.com>
Rated PG (DS9,G/B)

This is an original work of Slash - if the thought of sex 
between two consenting adult men squicks you, turn back 
now!

Written in response to the rationalizations that Mark 
(Stanley) used to make himself feel better about an awful 
episode of DS9...this story contains spoilers for the 
episodes "Tears of the Prophets" and "Afterimage".

Laurie says....
Maybe you didn't see much Garak and Bashir interaction in 
that episode because they were hiding something?  (And then 
comes up with this...) 

****

Garak was alone in his quarters.  It had been a long day, 
and he was feeling frustrated.  Dr. Bashir had once again 
canceled their lunch date.  He wasn't sure when it had 
happened, but he and his friend had drifted apart.  
Something had changed somewhere along the way, and he was 
certain he didn't like it. The good doctor had been 
spending all his time with Chief O'Brien lately.
Garak was sure that Dr. Bashir didn't reciprocate his 
feelings, but to be denied his friendship as well was 
intolerable.  Garak was observant enough to know that his 
doctor wasn't romantically involved with the Chief, but 
Garak still felt a pang of jealousy.  

And now his old nemesis had murdered Jadzia.  Garak had 
always respected the Trill, and he knew how much Julian 
cared for her.  The young doctor would go to Chief O'Brien 
for comfort, and it would only reinforce their 
relationship.  Ah well, at least his friend would have 
someone he could lean on, even if it wasn't Garak he 
needed.

A soft beep and a small flashing light alerted Garak to the 
fact that someone had triggered the motion sensor outside 
his door.  People walked past his door often enough, he 
dismissed it at first.  But the light continued blinking, 
someone was standing outside his door.  He walked to the 
door and waited for the chime, but it never came.  He moved 
to touch the wall next to his door, and a hidden panel slid 
open.  On a tiny monitor, the lean figure of Dr. Bashir was 
standing there, his hand close to his door chime, but not 
moving to activate it.  If Garak was surprised to see the 
young healer at his door, his nature and years of practice 
prevented him from showing any reaction on his face, even 
if there was no one to see it.  He was concerned when he 
saw the doctor.  He knew Jadzia's death would be hard on 
him.  Dr. Bashir's looked like he hadn't slept in days.  
Julian turned as if to leave, but then he seemed to 
reconsider, and turned back to the door, frowning.  His 
eyes seemed distant.  He wasn't certain what had brought 
the doctor to his door at such an hour.  It was possible he 
was looking for someone to talk to about the loss of his 
friend.  Garak knew Chief O'Brien wasn't much of a 
conversationalist, but at least he could provide the doctor 
with a sympathetic ear.  So what was he doing hovering 
outside of the tailor's door?  Garak wouldn't find out if 
he gave Bashir the opportunity to leave.

Dr. Bashir jumped as the door in front of him slid open in 
front of him.  He hadn't been able to work up the nerve to 
ring the chime, so he had been just about to return to his 
quarters, to see if he could sleep.  He wasn't even sure 
what he was doing here.  As the door opened, the unmoving 
form of the Cardassian was revealed.  The face of his 
friend showed no irritation at the late hour, just a sort 
of paternal tolerance.  The doctor found himself unable
to form any words, even though the tailor's face held a 
silent question.  

"Doctor?  Is there something I can do for you?"

The youth's mouth opened, as if he was going to say 
something, but he made no sound.  The doctor's eyes were 
bloodshot, and his golden skin was ashen, showing dark 
circles under his eyes.  Making a decision, Garak took a 
step back into his quarters.  "Please, do come in," he said 
with a sweeping gesture, beckoning the young man inside.  
Bashir hesitated for a moment, before stepping into the 
tailor's quarters.  He walked in and his eyes unconsciously 
surveyed the room, quite unaware that Garak's eyes were 
following him intently, watching for some sign of why he 
was there.  Garak's quarters were immaculate, as usual, not 
a thing out of place.  Bashir turned to look at his friend.  
The look on the tailor's face still held a question, but 
this time it was laced with concern and sympathy, though 
masked quite effectively.  If he hadn't known the tailor as 
long as he had he would have missed it entirely.  As he 
suddenly found himself the object of Garak's undivided (and 
quite intense) attention, he began to feel quite uncertain.
The sense of loss he felt over Jadzia's death was almost 
overwhelming him.  She had been one of his best friends, 
and now she was gone.  Miles had tried to cheer him up, but 
it just hadn't helped.  He felt like a part of himself was 
missing, and he had found himself wandering the station 
without really knowing where his feet were carrying him.  
He found himself outside Garak's door, and somehow that 
just seemed like where he wanted to be.  Garak would 
listen, and he'd understand.  He'd known more loss in his 
life than Julian could even comprehend.  He'd understand 
the pain and the emptiness...

The tailor watched various emotions play over his young 
friend's face, and then his eyes were drawn down the 
doctor's face.  His lower lip had begun to tremble.  
Looking back up, Garak noticed that his friend's eyes had 
begun to well up with unshed tears.  His whole body had 
begun to tremble as he began to fall apart.

Before he even thought it through, Garak had taken two 
steps forward and put his arms around the young man.  His 
concern for his friend was quite compelling.  Bashir's 
hands reached up and grabbed his neck ridges, and the 
doctor buried his face in his friend's shoulder as the 
tears finally began falling.  Once he had started he was 
completely unable to stop, as all his sadness and 
frustration and anger over Jadzia's loss began pouring out 
of his body almost as a tangible entity.  

Garak held the young man in a tight grip as he sobbed 
uncontrollably, his whole lean frame shaking with reaction.  
Human tears dripped down Garak's shoulders, tickling his 
scales before reaching the top of his tunic and 
disappearing into the cloth.  He marveled at this young 
man's ability to feel everything so deeply.  His own 
emotions rarely made an appearance any more, as years of 
experience with hardship and pain had grown into a shell 
that prevented anything from affecting him too deeply.  He 
had learned not to let anything inside, because he couldn't 
be hurt by anything that couldn't touch him.  But this 
young physician's soul had not yet been burned enough times 
for him to develop a defense against reality.  Doctor 
Bashir obviously needed the release.  

Gradually Bashir began to calm down.  Garak almost wished 
he would continue crying.  He was glad his friend was 
starting to feel better, but it also meant he'd have to let 
go sooner or later.  Having the young man in his arms was a 
little exciting.  He could feel the human's warmth seeping 
through his clothes as he pressed against him, and his 
alien scent was quite intoxicating.  He had always found 
Bashir attractive, and had flirted with him from time to 
time.  But he had never pushed too far, he was afraid of 
scaring the Doctor off.  He cared more about their 
friendship than he did the pleasures of the flesh, but that 
didn't seem to prevent the ache in his groin that was 
becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

The doctor had stopped crying, but his breathing was still 
ragged.  He started to pull back, and found Garak's arms 
still held him in place.  He managed to lean back enough to 
look the tailor in the face.  Bashir's tear stained face 
held an embarrassed, apologetic look.  Garak looked into 
his big dark eyes, and a sudden thought occurred to him.  
No, he couldn't, could he?  The young man's control had 
left him completely, what would it matter if Garak let his 
slip a bit, just this once.  One tiny crack in his armor 
wouldn't really hurt, would it?  He'd probably never have 
another opportunity to be this close to the young man.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Garak leaned in for 
a kiss.

Doctor Bashir sucked in a surprised breath as he felt the 
tailor's surprisingly soft lips close over his own, and he 
froze.  Garak was kissing him!  As his friend's arms 
tightened around him, he found he wasn't quite ready to try 
to stop him, though he was too shocked to respond.  The 
tailor's tongue gently nudged his lips apart, and Julian 
opened his mouth, allowing the invader inside.  He couldn't 
believe this was happening.  It did feel good, though.  The 
older man's embrace was warm and comforting.

When Garak broke the contact and pulled back, this time it 
was his turn to look apologetic, as he found Bashir's eyes 
fixed on him.  He couldn't quite decide if the doctor was 
angry, embarrassed, or afraid.  His usually expressive face 
held an emotion that for once Garak couldn't read at all.  
He tried to think of some way to cover up for his 
transgression, some clever thing to say.

"Doctor -"

That was as far as he got, before to his amazement, his own 
mouth was captured for a kiss, this one even more 
passionate.  The young man's arms which to this point still 
gripped his neck ridges slipped up around Garak's neck to 
pull him in closer.  Was he just doing this because he was 
distraught, or was he actually interested?  The tailor 
thought it incomprehensible that this beautiful young 
creature could possibly desire him, but the intensity with 
which he was being kissed by the young man sparked into a 
flicker of hope.  He pulled the lithe body closer to him, 
and increased the pressure on his friend's lips.

Doctor Bashir's eyes had closed, but they snapped open when 
he felt the tailor pull him tighter against his body and 
noticed a telltale hardness pressing against him through 
the fabric of his trousers.  Garak felt the man's reaction, 
and thought with a pang of regret that the doctor had 
finally come to his senses, but the youth only paused for a 
moment, before he seemed to make a decision and renewed the 
passion of the kiss.  The tailor almost began to feel 
almost light-headed with arousal.  Bashir _knew_ that Garak 
was aroused, but he hadn't pulled away.  He still wasn't 
sure the doctor knew what he was getting into, so he 
decided to up the stakes a little, to gauge the reaction he 
got.

Bashir stumbled a little as Garak started walking him 
backward.  He clung to the other man, who seemed to be 
completely supporting him, until suddenly he felt his back 
slide against the smooth wall of the tailor's quarters.  
Garak pressed the entire length of his body against the 
thinner man, pinning him to the wall.  The tailor's 
erection pressed into his crotch, and the older man began 
an almost imperceptible but unmistakably erotic movement, 
rubbing against him.  The doctor was starting to feel 
incredibly aroused, but he began to get a nervous as 
Garak's actions became more forceful.  He began to squirm 
in the tailor's arms.  He was confused.  He just wasn't 
sure what he wanted, even though being held in his friend's 
arms felt so _right_, he wasn't sure what he could expect 
from this mysterious older man.  Garak's arms slid out from 
behind him and the tailor pulled back.  One look into those 
soft blue eyes and his decision was made.  But the tailor 
had felt him begin to resist, and had stopped.  Dr. Bashir 
kept his arms around Garak's neck, preventing him from 
pulling away entirely.

"Doctor..."

"Julian."

"What?"

"Call me Julian."

The tailor looked into the doctor's - Julian's eyes,  
uncertain of his next move.  His breathing was ragged, his 
arousal nearly overwhelming, but he couldn't - he wouldn't 
continue unless he knew what his friend wanted.  Julian's 
next move told him everything he needed to know.  The young 
man leaned forward and ran his tongue along Garak's lips, 
rubbing his own blossoming erection against him to 
emphasize his point.  The tailor groaned and pressed him 
back against the wall, trailing kisses along his jaw.  He 
then tipped his head lower to nuzzle against the golden 
skin of his neck.  Julian moaned and his knees began to 
weaken.  He slid his hands from around Garak's neck, and 
rubbed the ornate neck ridges, before moving down to caress 
his chest.  

"Garak..."

"Julian..."

"Do you want me to call you Elim?"

Garak's brow furrowed as he thought about this.

"No."

The corner of Julian's mouth quirked up.

"Garak..."

"What?"

"I want you."

Garak froze, not moving, not even breathing.

"Are you sure?"

Julian leaned back against the wall, panting and trembling 
with need.  His eyes fluttered closed, but he could still 
feel Garak's intense stare.  "Yes."

Garak wrapped his arms tighter around the young man.  
Julian thought he was going to be kissed again, but his 
companion tilted his head down and sank his teeth gently 
into the heated skin of his neck. Garak started sucking 
gently on his neck, making Julian moan and pant with 
arousal.  The tailor's hands were not idle, they slid up 
under the doctor's shirt and touched the warm skin 
underneath.

Garak pulled his head back, and looked deeply into his 
beloved's eyes.  He could feel the young man's breath hot 
against his face.  His eyes narrowed into a predatory 
glare, and he was about to crush his mouth to Julian's, 
when...

--BLEEP--

Garak froze.  

"Infirmary to Bashir"

The two men held each other's eyes while Julian slapped the 
communicator on his chest.  

"Bashir here, go ahead"

"Medical emergency, doctor."

"What is it?"

"An accident in engineering.  Three broken bones, a few 
burns, and some scrapes and bruises.  It's under control 
but we could really use you here."

Garak kept his face neutral while Julian's eyes glistened 
with disappointment.  Julian sighed.  "I'll be right 
there."  Garak slid his arms out from around his almost 
lover, and turned and walked toward the portal, so Julian 
wouldn't see the pained look on his face.  The spell was 
broken, and he was certain that his one chance was ruined.  
He stood staring at the stars and waiting for the sound of 
the door hissing open.  Lost in his morose thoughts, he 
almost jumped out of his skin when warm slender fingers 
curled over his neck ridges, and a hot moist mouth pressed 
against his neck.  

"I'm not sure how long this will take, but I could come 
back, if you think you'll still be up."

Garak's heart pounded in his chest, as he turned to look at 
his friend.  The look in Bashir's eyes made his pulse 
quicken and the ache in his groin was almost unbearable.  
"I'll be awake, you can be certain of that."

Julian grinned and walked out the door.  Garak watched him 
go, and then stared at the closed door for a long time.  He 
was sorry Jadzia was gone, but he began to feel grateful to 
her.  Maybe he could find a way to pay her back, and honor 
her memory.  Well, for now he just needed something to keep 
him busy until his Julian returned...

***

When Dr. Bashir returned to Garak's quarters, he discovered 
that his friend had left the door unlocked for him.  He 
smiled and let himself in.  When he saw his soon-to-be-
lover, though, concern creased his brow when he saw how 
agitated Garak was, as he seemed to be working intently on 
a PADD.  He must be decoding more transmissions for 
Starfleet, but why was he so upset?  

"Garak, are you all right?"

Garak looked up in surprise.  He hadn't heard the young man 
enter his quarters.  "I'm fine, doctor."

"No, you're not, you seem upset.  Does it have something to 
do with the transmissions you're decoding?"

Garak sighed.  He looked into the doctor's big beautiful 
eyes, and was overwhelmed with feelings he hadn't had in a 
long time.  This young man meant everything to him.  He'd 
provided him with company and friendship, and had even 
saved his life on a few occasions.  He was the only person 
on the station who looks at him for who he really is, 
instead of just seeing a _Cardassian_.  And now they were 
about to become a whole lot closer.  He didn't have any 
reason to keep things from him.  "I suppose it does, in a 
way.  Doctor, I..."

Julian sat down close to his friend, and looked deeply into 
his eyes.  "It's all right, you can tell me."

Garak looked at the floor.  "Those transmissions in the 
hands of Starfleet will give them a military advantage.  
Thousands of Cardassian lives will be lost thanks to what 
I'm doing.  Doctor, I feel as if I've..."  He fell silent, 
unable to say any more.

Julian looked into his love's eyes, and knew exactly what 
he wasn't saying.  "You feel as if you've betrayed 
Cardassia."  He put his hand on Garak's shoulder.  "Garak, 
I'm sorry.  I hadn't really thought of it from your point 
of view.  I know how much you care about your homeworld.  
If you want to stop decoding the messages, I'm sure I can 
make Captain Sisko understand."

"No, I can't stop.  The Dominion must be stopped at all 
costs.  If they succeed, it will mean the end of life as we 
know it.  The founders will never allow my people to 
continue their way of life.  Cardassia is headed for 
destruction, and it won't come from Starfleet.  I'm doing 
this for her own good."

Julian moved even closer to the Cardassian.  "Well, maybe I 
can think of something to make you feel better."  His eyes 
glistened with invitation.  Garak looked into those large 
passionate human eyes before leaning closer to kiss him.  
Just before his lips touched Julian's, however, the doctor 
frowned.  "Hmmm."

"What is it, Julian?"

"Ezri is a counselor.  Maybe you should talk to her before 
she leaves.  She might be able to help you deal with some 
of what you are feeling."

"Ezri Dax is leaving the station?"

"Yes, she's going to serve aboard the Destiny."

"Why?"

"I don't know, exactly.  I think it would be difficult for 
her to live on the same station with Worf.  And there are a 
lot of painful memories for her here.  She died here, you 
know.  I think it will be easier for her to live on a 
starship.  I wish she'd stay, though.  It's kind of 
comforting having her around."

As the young doctor's eyes darkened with grief, Garak's 
eyes lit up with an inspiration.  He didn't think Jadzia 
would have wanted Ezri to give up and leave the station.  
Maybe there was a way to persuade the young Trill to stay.
That might be a way to repay Jadzia for bringing him closer 
to Doctor Bashir.  There might be a way to convince her the 
station needed a counselor.  He was certain he could 
manufacture a few anxiety attacks.  Perhaps he could blame 
it on his claustrophobia and then let the counselor 'get to 
the bottom of it'.  Starfleet would be eternally grateful, 
and probably offer the Trill a position on the station.  It 
would also give him a chance to take a bit of a break from 
all this decoding, which had been causing him some 
distress.  But he would have to find a way to encourage 
Captain Sisko to convince Dax to try counseling him.  
Perhaps his new lover would volunteer to plant the idea in 
the Captain's mind.  "Doctor, I think I have an idea.  
Would you - hhmmphh." His words were smothered by Julian's 
mouth as the doctor decided he couldn't wait any longer.  
Garak moaned into Julian's mouth.  The kiss seemed to last 
forever, and when it ended both men were panting for 
breath.

"Tell me about it in the morning."

~End~