Use the following checklist as a guideline. As soon as possible, contact Family and Children’s Services for additional information and assistance, and for crisis counseling.
If you have possession of the marital residence and have obtained a 50-B Domestic Violence Protection Order, contact the following and make sure all are in your name. Let them know what has happened and ask for services to be put in your name if they are not already. Once they have been contacted, they will not allow your spouse to have them disconnected. Give them a password such as your grandmother’s maiden name (something your spouse or his family would not know) and request that no information be given out or accepted on your account without it. This will prevent him from gaining access to your account information, or from re-routing items such as your newspaper or TV Guide to his new address.
____Power Company
____Phone Service (local and long distance)
____Long distance calling card
____Cable
____Newspaper
____TV Guide
____Car insurance
____Gas Company
____Oil Company
____Water Dept.
____Health club
If you have credit cards in your name or in joint names you need to contact the creditors by phone, tell them what has happened, and advise them that your spouse is no longer authorized to use your credit card. For joint accounts, instruct them to issue you a new card in your name alone, then immediately write each creditor to confirm your phone conversation in writing. Be sure to keep a copy of your letter. As above, give them a password so that your spouse cannot gain access to your account information, or make changes that will prevent you from using the card.
____Debit card
____Visa
____Mastercard
____Discover
____American Express
____Gas card
____Gas card
____Store___________________________
____Store___________________________
____Store___________________________
____Store___________________________
____Video store______________________
If you have checking and savings accounts, CD’s, etc. in joint names you need to immediately withdraw between 50% and 100% of the funds in these accounts. While you legally may withdraw all of the money, you may want to withdraw only half of the funds if he has treated you well financially. If you do not make these withdrawals, he is likely to withdraw all of the money and you may never receive any of it.
____Checking
____Savings
____CD
____Other____________________________
____Other____________________________
If your spouse or his friends have keys to your house, you need to change the locks immediately - within the hour if possible. Even if you have possession of his keys, it is possible he may have a spare set you do not know about. If he has keys to your car you need to have those locks re-keyed as well.
Retain an attorney right away. Chances are your spouse will have one. If you do not and he does, when you go to court it will be like a lamb to the slaughter. Do not take that risk.
Document everything! Describe the incident in detail, including the date, time, and details of the initial violent incident, then document everything your spouse does or says from that day forward. Document if your spouse attempts to disconnect or cancel anything, or use your credit cards. If he does, he may be in violation of the 50-B order. Document every conversation with him with dates and details of everything said - especially if there are threats. If possible, do not talk to him at all. if he calls you, and you have the necessary equipment, record the call and save the tape. You may never need it, or it may prove to be vital later on. Carry your documentation with you everywhere you go. Include what you have written, your 50-B, and any warrants, summons, or motions you have taken out against him, as well as anything he has taken out against you. If he takes false charges out against you for revenge and you are arrested, this will go a long way towards keeping you out of jail.
If he comes to your door, DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR! No matter how sorry he says he is, do not open your door. He is in violation of the 50-B order. Call 911 and let the Police talk to him. Do not talk to him yourself. Any response from you will be construed by him and by the police as encouragement.
If you work in a public building such as a mall or office building, you need to notify security of the 50-B order. Give them a copy of the order and a recent photograph of your spouse so they will be able to protect you while you are at work.
Take a copy of the 50-B order and a recent photograph of your spouse to your child’s school. Tell the office personnel what has happened and leave instructions as to who may pick up your child. Give them a password so that no one can pick up your child unless they have the password. Give the password only to persons who will be picking your child up from school.
If you have a will, you need to consult an attorney right away about removing your spouse from your will as a beneficiary, and as the executor. Be sure to nominate a relative as your child’s legal guardian if you feel that your spouse may abuse your child.