April's Journal

April 17, 1997 - Day 1 - 230 I went to the doctor's office today and that is what his scales said. I almost had a heart attack. I am being treated for high blood pressure and have managed to lose some weight. I had been down to 220 but this has been a really tough spring. My Mom passed away in September and spring was always her favorite season. Seeing all my daffodils and tulips come up has really been hard. I always cut some and took them over to my mom because she has a black thumb. Now I have to cut them and take them over and put them on her grave. I just can't believe she is really gone. My Dad took it pretty hard for a while and lost a whole bunch of weight; but now he has put is all back on and is even talking about asking other women out. I am not really ready to deal with that and he can't seem to understand what I feel. I have told him I don't want to discuss it; but he keeps bringing it up. He is driving me to drink, or in my case to eat. I have to find a way to deal with my feelings besides food. I found Gail's Weight Loss Page on the net and read almost all the journals. Then decided what the heck; if they can do it, so can I. Can vent on this page and maybe it will keep me out of the kitchen and away from the dreaded refrigerator. It has worked so far tonight as I have been busy setting up this Web Page and have not even been near the kitchen. I am going to start to walk tomorrow. I used to get up early and walk every day; but then school started up again and so did work. Now when I get up early I am busy packing lunches, fixing breakfast and getting myself ready to work. I really miss my walks though, so I will start walking in the evening after supper. By the way, my name is Gail also; but you can call me Gail K.

19 Apr, 97 - Day 3 - Went on the March of Dimes Walkathon today. It was only seven miles; I can remember when it was 25. I went on 8 of them. Some of us got together and walked for a little girl down at the school where I work named Noel. She is a real cute kid and really sweet. I feel pretty good right now; but know will feel it tomorrow. Will have to keep my journal entries short because am having trouble with my right wrist. The doctor thinks it might be carpal tunnel. I have to go for an EMG. Will keep everyone posted on what happens. Have been doing a lot of repetitive work in the classroom. Guess that is the price you pay. Had a pretty good day as far as eating goes. Didn't drink enough water; even had a small glass of coke at the pavilian where the walk ended.

20 Apr 97 - Day 4 - Have had a pretty good day so far. I have a program on my computer that allows me to enter everything I eat. It tells me how many calories are in each thing and how many are from carbs, protein, and how many from fat. I survived the walkathon. My legs are a little sore, but at least I can walk. Tried to call my good friend, Denise, to walk; but guess she wasn't home. Will try again later. We can walk later now since daylight savings time has begun. She is my partner in crime and main support; but having all of you other people to talk to helps. Have tried to get in the chat room, but my computer is all messed up and won't let me in. So far Jimmy, my husband, hasn't had time to work on it and get it straightened out for me. He is the real computer geek in our family. I just turn it on and hope it works. Gotta go check my chicken for supper. Will write some more later.

21 Apr 97 - Well, as you can see, later never came yesterday. Sorry about that, but when you have three kids and a husband all waiting to get on the net, Mom sometimes doesn't get a second chance. I will have to keep this short as my wrist is really giving me a fit tonight. I think the damp weather makes it worse. I did pretty good today. Had half a bagel and water for breakfast and a garden salad without dressing and honeydew melon for lunch. Had spaghetti for supper. I did have garlic bread, though. I know that's not too good, but couldn't resist. Drank most of my water today. It gets a little hairy in school because I can't always get out of the room when I need to go. I was almost dancing at one point. The kids would absolutely freak out if I had an accident. Guess I would, too. I am going to walk on my treadmill later. Will go for now and give my wrist a rest.

22 Apr 97 - Am all pumped up this evening. Went for a 2 mile walk after supper. Would have walked longer, but it was getting dark and no one was left at the track but me. The high school track is over the hill behind the school with woods on two sides and no lights on unless there is something going on at the school. It is kinda creepy up there alone and I was getting the heebie jeebies. I haven't figured out the mailing lists yet. If anyone can give me a clue, please feel free to do so. I figure I am on the 50-yard dash diet. With every ounce of water I drink, the bathroom seems farther away and it is always a race to see who will cross the finish line first. So far, I have managed to win every time. I can hardly wait for 9:00 so I can send my kids upstairs. They don't have to go to bed then, they just have to be upstairs. They are being real pluck-a-zoids tonight. "What's a pluck-a-zoid?" you ask. That is someone who finds you last nerve and plucks it until you could scream. Luckily, that doesn't happen very often; but they are just taking up where one of the kids in my class left off. Have done pretty good in the food department so far today. Am going to have honeydew for a snack later. This will be the first night I have eaten anything after supper this week; but I am a little low on calories, so will eat this cup of honeydew to add a few more. I weighed myself this morning and the scale said 222 pounds. It matched exactly with the doctor's scales last Thursday. The only way I figure there is such a big difference is that I was weighed at 4:50 in the afternoon after eating two meals fully clothed at the doctor's office and today was weighed at 6:30 a.m. with an empty stomach and only a nightshirt on.

4/24/97 - 225 pounds - Sorry I couldn't write in my journal last night. I couldn't get into my file to edit it. Took me three hours just to be able to get my email. Thanks to everyone who has emailed me. I really appreciate all the support. Yesterday was an absolutely horrible day. Am supposed to get off work at 3:30; but due to circumstances I cannot really talk about, I was down at the school until almost 5:00. Then had to go grocery shopping. Didn't eat supper until almost 7:30. Even ate 5 fritoes while fixing supper. Only five was good for me because I love fritoes and could eat them by the handfuls. Today was better. Things were calm at school and I feel more settled. Could have really used the journal to blow off steam last night; instead fell asleep on the couch when couldn't get into my journal. At least I wasn't eating. Well, I can believe a five pounds weight lose in one week better than an eight pound one. Have decided to dust off my Deal-A-Meal cards and try them once again. Several people has emailed me that they think I haven't been eating enough. I know I don't eat all I should according to the cards. Will try them for a while and see what happens. See ya!

4/25/97 - Had a pretty good day so far. Walked for 3 miles last night after writing in my journal. Walked by myself last night. Tonight Denise walked with me. We walked for about 2 1/2 miles. I have to walk slower when I walk with Denise because her stride is shorter than mine. Nice, calm day down at school. Had a couple pretty good laughs at some of the things the kids said. They can be such a trip. My son has his friend Katherine staying over the night. They are 10. She will sleep in Jaime's room with her. The weekend is coming up and that is always a bad time for me. Especially tomorrow because my husband is working and things always seem to get off course. The kids all want to eat and different times and they all want something different. I'll try my best to behave myself.

4/26 - Had an absolutely horrible day. Not so much in the eating department but in the depression department. One of the firefighter's wives that my husband works with dies yesterday. She had had a small stroke last Sunday and then Thursday she had a massive brain aneurysm rupture. They had her on life support but told her husband she was brain dead. He had them turn the life support off yesterday. She was only 48. We wives don't often see each other; but there is still a special bond because of the type of job our husband's have. It is just because we know that when they leave for work in the morning; their chances of coming home the next morning are less than some guy who works in an office. I guess the reason it upset me so much is because this woman was very overweight, too. She also smoked; which is something I have never done. I keep thinking of her kids and how they are handling it and who will take care of them while their father works 24-hour shifts. Their kids are around the same age as mine.

Well, enough of that. I have decided to start a log on my walking. I am going to walk to Pensacola, FL to visit my brother. So far I have walked about 9 miles (that is counting my walk today). That puts me about halfway between Havre de Grace and Aberdeen. I live in Perryville,Maryland, just in case anyone wants to follow along on my journey.

We live very near the Chesapeake Bay. We got a boat last year and I know if it is nice tomorrow Jimmy will want to go out on the boat. It sure is nice living near the water. They are talking about putting a Project Greenways walking path up along the Susquehanna River from Perryville to Port Deposit. They are also talking about putting a walking bridge across the river from Perryville to Harve de Grace where there used to be an old double decker bridge years ago when my parents were kids. The support pillars (I know that is not what they are really called) are still there in the water. I hope they really do. Then I can walk to Havre de Grace and visit some of the little shops they have there. I live in Cecil County; but grew up in Harford County.

4/27 - Tomorrow is a professional day in Cecil County. That means the kids don't have school; but all the teachers and aides have to be there. The teacher I work with and I are going to take a crisis intervention course. I have been told to wear jeans or sweat pants and this will be a very hands-on course. Can't you see me going to this course in sweat pants. I DON'T THINK SO!!!

We went out on our first boat ride of the year. It was a little chilly and the water was pretty cold when it splashed up on you. We made it back right before the rain started. Then Jaime and I took her girlfriend who had spent the night back to Delaware. Must be some kins of a push over; having kids spend the night two nights in a row. At least then I am sure of what they are doing and how they are behaving. Maybe not so dumb after all, huh?

I did all right in the eating department today; but did not walk. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. See Ya!

4/28 - Today was a rainy day. The sun is out now; so will go for a walk when done here. When to the class today. We learned how to try to try to de-escalate a situation before a student has to be restrained. We also learned how to block blows and kicks and how to get away from a student if they had our wrist, our hair, were choking us from in front or behind, or were biting us. We also role played how to handle a situation if a student just plain refused to do what they were told to try to defuse the situation so they could regain control of their actions and emotions. It was pretty. We have to go back on 12 May in the evening to finish the course and take the written course. NO ONE WARNED ME THERE WOULD BE A TEST!!!

Had a pretty good day in the eating department except for lunch. Since I wasn't in my home school, I didn't pack my lunch. We went to Wendy's. I had a single, a baked potato with butter (only used half) and a medium coke. Guess it could have been worse; I really wanted the fries. Maybe my will power is starting to kick in. Surely hope so; because before I had none to speak of.

The kids were home alone all day as both my husband and I worked today. They weren't allowed to have any friends in the house while we were gone. They must have listened; because the house is still standing. (Actually, they are usually pretty good about things like that.) No one did the dishes in the sink because I didn't specifically tell them too. Heaven forbid they should show a little initiative and help out on their own. Well, guess that's enough grousing for now; will write again tomorrow. Keep the Faith!

4/29 - Went to the viewing tonite. It was real tough. We didn't stay long because I couldn't handle it. I don't know how my sister keeps her sanity. She just lost her father-in-law the Thursday before Easter. That made two deaths for her in just a little over six months. I didn't go to that viewing because I was sick. She is a very strong woman.

We didn't hear the dismissal bell in our class today and so two of the kids who don't go home on the early buses missed their bus. We had to stay with them until 4:00 until their parents picked them up. We know it wasn't just us; there were two other adults in the room. That makes six people in the room and not one of us heard the bell. We can't all be deaf. They are gonna test the bell in our room tomorrow. They have been known to short out before.

Did pretty good in the eating department today. Have been trying to use all of my deal-a-meal cards each day. Sometimes I have a dairy and a veggie card left over. Will weigh in on Thursday and let you all know how things are going.

Finally got the insurance straightened out as to where and when I can have my EMG done. The doctor was really getting frustrated because he told me almost two weeks ago I needed the test done. He has not been half as frustrated and the two women in his office and I have been. Have spent untold hours on the phone with the insurance company trying to straighten this out. They wanted me to drive 30 - 40 miles each way just to have this stupid test done. Their contract says they have to have a place where I can go that is within 30 minutes of my house. That is the price we pay for having an HMO. However, that is about all we can afford. The deductible is too high on most other insurances. We can't afford to have to pay $300 deductible for each person in the family before the insurance starts paying 80%. We would not have enough money to meet our bills if that was the case. With 2 children with chronic asthma, we go through $20 - $50 worth of medication each month and we only have to pay $5 for each prescription.

4/30 - Went down to the elementary school to the spring concert. You couldn't hear the first graders or the third graders sing. Unfortunately, you could hear the band. The band director composes his own songs and they all sound pretty much alike. Timothy plays the drums. Jaime plays the sax and her band went up to the high school for a band festival this morning. I couldn't go because I had to work. The middle school band is pretty good. Jaime can't wait until high school when she can be in marching band. She also wants to be on the track team.

I feel really tired tonight. Working in that class can be more emotionally exhausting that physically exhausting. We only have 29 more days of school left. Then I go in one more day to finish cleaning out the room. We will be in a different room next year. I am only long-term subbing in the position I am in; so I don't have any seniority. When they hire for the position for next school year, I may not even be the one to get the job. I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope no one wants to work in a SED class.