12-5 - Finally got into here to update my journal. Had a good week in my new long-term sub job. The worst part will be doing lesson plans for so many different classes. I have lesson plans for the next two weeks done and have even started on some for the new year. This is going to take up a lot of my time. I hope I can keep all of this up and keep up with my school work. Will keep you posted on how things go. Gotta go study for finals now. Keep the faith:)
12-13 - Sorry it's been so long. School is almost over for the semester and then things will calm down until 17 Jan. Had a most unusual day yesterday. My son who has asthma and is taking allergy shots was sent some from school with a mysterious cash of hives. He felt fine except that they itched like crazy. Have no idea what caused them. The dr said to give him Benedryl for the itch. They are gone just as mysteriously as they came. I have spent most of the day typing up my term paper for my education class. Also typed up a book report. Now all I have to do is type up my observation log that goes along with the observation forms I used for this class. They won't take long at all to type up. Everything is due Monday night. Then all I have to do is type one final essay for my composition class and turn it in Thursday night. I sure will be glad to have a rest before the next round starts in Jan. This has been really tough for me. It is hard to work all day, do lesson plans and go to school two nights a week. Oh well, this too shall pass. Gotta go, need to fix supper. Keep the faith:)
12-14 - Got everything done for my education class. Tomorrow night we hand everything in and then we are having a party. The teacher is bringing in pizza and we are bringing in everything else. I am taking my own healthy snacks and some sode. I don't have to worry about eating too much pizza because I never touch the stuff. I family tells me I am un-american but I just can't stand the stuff. I am glad this class is over. Between subbing every day, going to class two nights and week and still taking care of the house and family I have been pretty busy. I have also had to find time between subbing to observe at least one hour a week for the education class. I managed to sneak that in while the classes I was working in were in their specials. My diet has suffered; but I plan to get myself back on track this week and keep myself there. I am going to do a lot more planning of meals and use my crock pot a lot more. Oh yes, a little bit of excitement here this week. My fifteen year old went and got his learner's permit on Thursday. His dad took him after school and then he drove home during rush hour traffic. We went out yesterday as a family; but he didn't want to drive the van for the first time with his brother and sister in there with him. I can't say that I blame him. The first time I drove on the rode I had my two brothers, my sister, my mom and three neighbor kids in the car. Boy was that fun. Oh well, I guess I can survive this. It doesn't seem possible that he will be 16 in March. Time sure does fly. Such a big step in the life of a teenager. I just hope I can survive it. Keep the faith:)
12-16 - Well, I handed everything in for my education class last night. I fixed my stuff up all nice in individual folders for each item. Everyone else just stapled their things together and threw them on the desk. Some of them looked like they had been thru a war. I hope I get extra points for presentation. I have finished my final essay for the composition class and will e-mail it later. Then I don't have to go to the college on Thursday. I will have to go and get my books for next semester. One of them costs $90. Then I still have to get another book to go with it. This college sure is expensive.
Tomorrow night I am going out to dinner with some women from the school where I sub. We usually exchange gifts but decided to do something different this year. This is a new restaurant and none of us has ever been there. I hope they have a low- fat menu. This will be the first time I have been out with this group. I plan on eating light and everyone knows I am on a diet and seem very supportive. At least I know they won't be encouraging me to overeat. They know how I struggle to loose even one pound. I'm gonna go now and pick up a prescription for my migraine. I feel real lousy right about now. Keep the faith:)
12-18 - I turned in my last paper for this semester and then bought my books for next semester. I took the two youngest kids with me because they wanted to see where I went to school. By the time it was all over I wished I had left them home. My 13 year old daughter is skipping down the sidewalk singing at the top of her lungs, "Look at me, I'm in college!" Then they got all excited because there was an elevator in the building. Can you tell we live in the sticks and they don't get out much?
Had a good time at the girl's night out last night. I got a baked crab cake, a baked potato, a salad and broccoli without the cheese. Then we went to one of the ladies home and had dessert. I had a small slice of pumpkin pie and a brownie. I also had a strawberry dacquari that I nursed all the way through dinner. It was fun and we plan on doing it again sometime before school is out. I had a real good time. Keep the faith:)
12-20 - Just wanted to check in real quick. My husband and I had a rare date night out last night. We saw Titanic. It was great! The kids are a little miffed because they want to see it too. Maybe we will take them over Christmas vacation. It is a movie worth seeing again. We are going out later to finish our Christmas shopping. We have to finish because Santa comes on Dec 23 at our house again this year. He has to come early because my husband is one of the lucky(?) firefighters who gets to work on Christmas day. Then tomorrow my daughter and I will finally start baking Christmas cookies. Things have been so hectic with finals and work that I feel as if I haven't even had a chance to catch my breath. With two weeks off from work and a month off from school I should get a chance to rest up.
Later - I am so psyched. We just got back from Christmas shopping. I splurged and bought a camcorder. I have wanted one for so long and finally decided "What the heck! I have a little extra money because of the long-term sub job and I am going to get this sucker." It was on sale for $100 off. The kids are having a ball with it. I can't wait til Christmas morning. I just wish my mom was still alive. I would have loved to have had her on video instead of just still pictures. See you all tomorrow. Keep the faith:)
12-21 - We are going to get our Christmas tree this afternoon. My 15 year old will drive my van for the first time. He wanted to drive it when we went to the mall yesterday; but I thought that driving it for the first time down 95 and then thru stop and go traffic in Bel Air wasn't such a good idea. I am going to record them cutting down the tree. It will be my first chance to play with the camcorder since we got it. Everyone else has had a chance while I have been busy with other things. Now it will finally be my turn. Keep the faith:)
12-22 - Well, I survived my first ride with my son driving. He only made me shriek once when he got a little too close to a parked car. Our tree looks beautiful. Then I made 3 different kinds of cookies. I am pretty proud of myself because I only ate one. Not one of each kind, but one cookie. Now if my husband would just get my treadmill fixed. It is too cold to walk outside and it affects my asthma. I just can't breath.
I just have to tell you what happened Saturday night. My husband and I embarrassed the heck out of our fifteen year old son. I was walking thru the kitchen to the laundry room when my husband grabbed me and gave me a kiss. This one little kiss led to a pretty heavy necking session and our son walked in on us. He just said "Hell-ooo!", but his face was beet red. I guess if he can't stand the heat maybe he better stay out of the kitchen. I am sure this looses much in translation; but it sure was pretty funny when he walked in on us. He thinks that since we have been married 16 years we should control ourselves better. Oh well, hopefully he will still feel the same way about his future wife after sixteen years of marriage. Keep the faith:)
12-23 - Santa comes tonight to our house. I just wish I was in a jollier mood. Heard Feliz Navidad on the radio and it set me off first thing this morning. I realize this is a dumb Christmas song to make one cry; but there is a good reason. When my fifteen year old was little that was one of his favorite songs and he wanted to hear it all year long. My mom would play it for him whenever he asked and he would dance around the room while my mom clapped and laughed. I can still see them; him dancing and her having so much fun watching him. I miss my mom so much. Hopefully wrapping the gifts will help some. My husband is working and I hope I can get the kids settled down before midnight so that I can get to bed at a decent hour. Keep the faith:)
12-24 - Santa has come and gone at our house. My husband works tomorrow and there is nothing worse than hurrying through opening all the presents and then sending him off to work; so we just celebrate a day early. Otherwise the kids would have to wait til the day after Christmas because he works 24 hour shifts. I believe everyone got what they asked for with a few surprises thrown in. My husband got me a pager. I feel a lot better about going to college in the evenings now. Then if my husband is working and the youngest has an asthma attack the kids have a way to get in touch with me. It will also be good if I am subbing at a different school and the kids are not sure where I am. The other Friday when my youngest had the hives they finally had to call my dad to come pick him up from school. I was home with an ear infection and had turned the phone off in our bedroom so I could get some rest. They got the answering machine and then proceeded to call my husband's work and pager numbers. There was only one problem; I had sent in new numbers for both and they have not yet updated the records. They were calling the old numbers and getting a message than they were non-working numbers. I had talked to the principal about this in passing. I plan to have another talk with him when I have his full attention after the holidays. They harp and harp about having up-to-date numbers for parents and then they don't even bother to update the records. I can only wonder what would have happened if he had been having a severe asthma attack and they couldn't reach me. Thank God it was only hives and his breathing wasn't affected.
I need to tell you about my most special gift. My fifteen year old has been talking about the CD rack he was making in wood shop in high school. Well, the CD rack turned out to be a new spice rack for me. I was so surprised and touched. I have been complaining about my old spice rack not being big enough for months. I started to cry, which embarrassed him. He said, "It's okay Mom, it's just a spice rack." He is so sweet and is growing up so fast. I have the best family a wife and mother could hope for. Have a happy one and keep the faith:)
12-25 - Merry Christmas! I am having a terrible day. Hubby is at work and I miss him, miss my mom and the kids and half the neighborhood are running in and out of the house yelling and carrying on. I have been binging and feel absolutely terrible. To top matters off, my cortisone shot has really worn off in my wrist and it is giving me a holy fit. I don't even know why I am on this computer except that is far away from the kitchen and goodies. Have two turkey breasts in the oven for tomorrow. We are having everyone over for a buffet-style dinner.
My sister is using WW 123 and she is sure doing better than me. We had a good cry on the phone last night. It is doubly hard for her because she lost her father-in-law right before Easter after more than a year of bad health. I don't know how she copes with mom's death last year and then his this year. She had to deal with two close deaths in less than a year. I can remember when we were kids and she never had a weight problem. She was always the skinny one, the one everyone compared me to. We talked about how much I resented that and she said she resented me because I was younger and always got to do things sooner than she did because after she did them first my parents weren't as strict with us younger ones. Isn't it funny how differently two kids in the same family can see things? Oh well, maybe one day soon I can get my stuff together and really get this diet on the right track. Every time I think I am making progress, something comes along and lets me know I'm not. Keep the faith:)
12-26 - Well, it is 7 p.m. and everyone has finally gone. They started arriving at 2 p.m. My brother and his wife were with their three-year-old Hannah. She is a real cutey pie. Our one dog can stand and look her right in the eye. She was a little intimidated when they first got here; but by the time they left she was just pushing him out of her way. I do believe we could saddle him up for her to ride.
I did pretty good. I nibbled all afternoon; but managed to keep it to turkey, carrot and celery sticks and other fat-wise choices. I don't feel stuffed like I would have at this time last year. My sister and her family didn't make it because they are selling their house and have to have some stuff done before settlement on 14 Jan. FHA is really picky about how things are done. I was real disappointed; but didn't start stuffing my face. I think all-in-all I handled today pretty well. Now if I could just keep this up. I definitely need some help with dealing with my feelings in another way other than food. When I was growing up, my dad would fix our plates. He would really pile the food on and we had to eat everything on our plates. I didn't eat any more or less than any of my brothers or sister and they were all thin and I just piled on the pounds. I exercised (read that played) just as much as them; climbing trees; jumping out of the hay loft, running through the meadow to the pond to catch frogs, rode my bike for miles each day. As I got older I did thin down and weighed 142 when I graduated high school (not to shabby for someone 5'5" tall with a large bone structure). Even then when I wore a size 12 people still called me fat. I remember wearing hip hugger jeans (and I mean the ones that just barely came up over your pubic bone) and body shirts and my stomach or abdomen didn't protrude out over my pants and still I was called Fatsy, Fatsy Boom-a-latsy. How is a person to cope with that kind of torment. It's no wonder I have such low self-esteem.
This is the first time I have ever written any of this down. Maybe if I do this in a private journal more often I can come to grips with what is really bugging me besides the weight. It will have to be cheaper than going to a psychiatrist. Maybe I am finally beginning to see some light at the end of my tunnel. Wish me luck in this endeavor and I will keep you posted on how things go. I already have a book I can write in that one of the teachers from the school gave me for Christmas. He even wrote in the front of it that here was a place where I could get all my feelings out. Do you think he has ESP?
Sorry this is so long. I just felt the need to go on a little bit tonight. Keep the faith:)
12-28 - I can't believe this month is almost over. Time to start another journal page and another year. This year surely has gone fast. They seem to fly by faster the older you get. Everyone has been talking about their resolutions for the coming year. I guess my main one will be to finally take this issue of gaining control over my weight seriously. I do believe I am once again where I started in April. I just hope I don't weight more than then. I have lost and gained the same 20 pounds about 950 times since then (just a slight exaggeration). I have been doing some soul searching over the last couple of days and realize that I am dealing with a lot more than just my weight. I have decided to keep a personal journal in addition to this one where I try to work my way through some issues that have been bothering me. I guess the main thing bothering me right now is that my dad is ready to date again and I am not ready to accept it. I realize he is lonely without my mom; but I just can't tell him it is alright with me if he dates. I told him he had to do what he thought was right. My brothers see nothing wrong with him dating; but my sister and I are having a harder time dealing with it. Oh well, that is a whole other bucket of worms. I go to the doctor on Tues, if it doesn't snow too hard. I will post my weight by his scales and then go from there. Keep the faith:)
12-29 - Had a pretty good day today. Went to a friends house for lunch. Only had a small ham sandwich and some carrots, celery and cauliflower. I did have a piece of pumpkin pie and a cookie. All in all not too bad. Took my dad to get some walking shoes. My sister's family and my family went together and got him a gift certificate from the Nike outlet. It was just like shoe shopping with my kids when they were little. I ended up lacing his shoes, making sure they fit right, and getting him another size when they didn't. The shoe sizer said he needed a 9 and the shoes ran so small he ended up getting a 10.5. After trying on 4 different pairs of shoes the guy finally said they run about a size and a half small. I could have brained him. He could have saved us a lot of time and grief. My son drove us there after we picked him up from diver's ed. He is doing much better. He still flubs up some; but not as bad. Of course, he has only had his learners permit for 2 and a half weeks. He expects to drive perfectly right away. He just needs to relax some.
I posted my resolution for 98 to the diet list. I have started already by walking on the treadmill for 20 minutes (my husband fixed it today). I need to work on my water intake. I do pretty good when I am at work; but usually get pretty lax on the weekends. Need to work on that. It's getting late and I need to get ready for bed. Keep the faith:)
12-29 - As promised, here is my weight: 228. I have gained back all but two of the pounds I lost. I am determined to take myself in hand to do better next year. I have already drank 2/3 of my water for the day. I have about five hours left til I go to bed. I also walked on my treadmill again today. I plan on adding crunches to my routine tomorrow morning. I guess after school starts next Monday I will have to get up at 5:15 instead of 6:00. That is the only way I see to make it possible to get my exercise in. I will get some beads or paper clips and put my chain together tomorrow. Now is need to think up some small rewards to give my self for every five pounds. See you tomorrow. Keep the faith:)