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George Welsh after many years at the helm of UVa football, passed away. He was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "George, you've been a pretty good guy and we've got a place all ready for you," says St. Peter. He takes Coach Welsh by the arm and leads him into Heaven. They are walking down a street paved with gold with magnificent homes on either side. After a little while, they turn into a little bit lesser impressive neighborhood, and then into a pretty non-descript neighborhood and finally stop in front of small bungalow on a back street. The house has an old picket fence around it, some bare spots in the lawn, rather frayed curtains in the windows, and a roof that could use some repair. Hanging from the front porch is a somewhat tattered UVa banner. "Here it is," says St. Peter. Coach Welsh looks around and then sees a magnificent mansion up on a hill. The drive way is paved with gold. The fence is made from silver with alabaster columns. The windows are trimmed in maroon and orange. Members of the Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets guard the gates. A huge Virginia Tech banner flys from a flag pole. George grimmaces and says, "How come Frank Beamer has such a magnificent home and I get this shabby little bungalow?" St. Peter replies, "That's not Frank's house, it's God's." A Jewish fellow, a man from India, and a Wahoo were traveling together when their car broke down on a country road. They spied a farmhouse in the distance and when they knocked on the door a farmer answered. He told them that they were welcomed to stay but since he had only two spare beds, one of them would have to sleep in the barn. The jewish guy said he would sleep in the barn. In just a few minutes there was a knock on the doot and there stood the jewish guy saying he couldn't sleep in there because there was a pig and pigs were unclean in his religion. The Indian said what the heck, he would sleep in the barn. In just a few minutes there was a knock on the door and there stood the Indian saying he couldn't sleep in the barn 'cause there was a cow in there and cows were sacred in his faith. The Wahoo told them what a bunch of weenies they were and went off to sleep in the barn. In a few minutes there was a knock on the door and there stood the cow and the pig !!!!!! You know there is one huge advantage that UVa alums have. They can park anywhere they want, even in handicap. All they have to do is hang their diploma off the rear view mirror. Q: Why won't they let VCU have a football team? A: Because then UVa would want one too. A woman was walking through her new house with the contractor. As they walked through rooms, she told him what color she wanted him to paint each room. In the bedroom she said, "I think this would be nice in a cream." The contractor stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" This perplexed the woman. They moved to the living room and she said, " I would love rose in this area." Again the contractor strolled over to the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" Again the woman was confused but did not say anything. As they walked into the kitchen she proudly announced that she wanted this room to be, " a glorious shade of mauve." Once again the contractor went to the window and yelled,"GREEN SIDE UP!" Finally she could not stand this anymore. "What are you shouting GREEN SIDE UP out every window of this house?" He replied,"I'm sorry. I have a crew of uva students laying sod across the street." A fellow walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good UVa joke. "Listen buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both lineman on the UVa football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at UVa. That guy in the corner was UVa's all-time champion weight lifter. And i lettered in 3 sports at UVa. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?" "Nah, guess not," the man replied, "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times." A guy went to Richmond and picked up a new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the salesman, and told him "When i buy a $50,000 car i expect the *@ radio to work." The salesman explained to him that the radio had been programed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff. He got back into the car and said "Country music", and old Willie started singing. "Rock and Roll", he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening", he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-64 to Charlottesville, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a car overtook him, almost ran him off the road and pulled away weaving and lurching all over the road. "Stupid drunks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown Virginiaaaa!!!!"
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