- 17 Ways How You Can Tell It's Going To Be A Rotten Day - A Survival Kit for Everyday Life - Assorted QUIPS & HAHA's
17 WAYS HOW YOU CAN TELL IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY!!
- 1 - You wake up Face Down on the Footpath.
- 2 - You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
- 3 - You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
- 4 - You see a `60 minutes´ team waiting in your office.
- 5 - Your Birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- 6 - You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
- 7 - You put on the news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
- 8 - Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
- 9 - Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of `Hell´s Angels´ down the freeway.
- 10- The boss tells you not to bother taking your coat off.
- 11- The bird singing outside your window is a Vulture.
- 12- You walk to work and then find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose. (Even Worse for Ladies)
- 13- You call your answering service and they tell you that its none of your business.
- 14- Your blind date turns out to be your wife.
- 15- Your income tax cheque bounces.
- 16- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- 17- Your wife say's "Good morning, Bill" and your name is Fred.
***A*** ***SURVIVAL*** ***KIT*** ***FOR*** ***EVERYDAY*** LIFE***
***TOOTHPICK*** To remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone, including yourself.
***RUBBERBAND*** To remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but it can be worked out.
***BAND-AID *** To remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else's.
***ERASER*** To remind you everyone makes mistakes. That's okay, we learn by our errors.
***CANDY KISSes*** To remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment every day.
***MINT*** To remind you that you are worth a mint to your family.
***BUBBLE GUM*** To remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.
***PENCIL*** To remind you to list your blessings every day.
***TEA BAG*** To remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that list of blessings.
Assorted QUIPS & HAHA's
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. - If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? - Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. - I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. - Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. - How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? - Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. - Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? - Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! - For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. - OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! - Black holes are where God divided by zero. - All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. - I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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