Well, maybe you can. As the name of this page implies, it is the new "insertable uplifting" breast thingies offered through a company called "Curves". Maybe you've seen their blaphemous infomercial (I saw it at 4 AM because I'm a night owl and there's nothing else to watch). Maybe you have encountered them. Or maybe you haven't heard of them. So, here is a picture that I stole from their webpage to help you visualize.
Now, what one does with these is inserts them into a bra (to my understanding preferrably underwire, whatever that means). They add volume to a bust while mimmicing the look, feel, bounciness, and texture of a real life breast.
I undertsand that you are not supposed to judge a book by its cover and it's what's on the inside that matters. My mom told me all that a long time ago. But what the hell is this? Is this the most unfair thing in the world? I mean, all you have to do is pop it in, pass go and collect three cup sizes.
"Why is this unfair?" you ask? Well, I'll tell you why. It's unfair that a woman should be able to just pop in these little things to make herself twice as attractice.
"But what if a guy isn't as shallow as you are and doesn't look at breasts right away?" I'll tell you something. Every guy is as shallow as that. Anyone who says otherwise is gay or lying. And it even applies to some gay guys too.
"Breast implants have been around for a while. Do you condone them?" you may say. In a way, yes. There is something more substantial about A) how much they cost and B) that they are actually inside. Good lord I am really shallow.
Anyway, now that that is out of the way, my point is what do guys have to make them instantly more attractice? What can I do that will make women immedeately look my way and say "Ohh baby baby!"? Someone offered a penis enlarger as an option. Let's take this seriously here. If any woman is going to go to sleep with a man (with exceptions), if he pulls out a penis enlarger during foreplay, what is going to happen? She is going to laugh you limp, that's what. And you first have to get a girl into the bedroom to use an enlarger. You can't just whip it out in public and "pump it up". I take that back. It wouldn't be much diffrent than the time I..... Uhh, nevermind.
That brings us to the point of stumbling onto a pair of these during a sexual encounter. Oh boy. If you ever get a woman into the bedroom with these, you can just imagine. It will be beautiful. Candles around the room and silk sheets. Romantic Barry White in the background on the Hi-Fi. Bottle of bubbly next to the bed. Somehow you managed to put this beautiful, full busted young woman under your spell and have made your move. You are kissing passionately on the bed as you move to remove her frilly bra. You get the thing unhooked, pull it off and 'plop, plop', they fall on the mattress.
The next words out of your mouth: "What in the name of Satans little demons are THOSE!"
It all goes downhill from there.
So be on the lookout. First Kleenex in the bra, then implants, now this. We've got a lot on our hands, or, as to put it more realistically, not as much as we think in our hands. Be careful out there.