Hello from the cradle of the world. Its that time of the month when the Junk Mailman commeth.Its one of those precious moments when mankind makes quality time to sit back next to his PC and ponder the mental health of this author. After scanning this months news items I have to report that the story of the year {so far} has been flogged to death. So as not to lose readership ratings..... ..LET'S FLOG...
I started as a tadpole of a story.
The first serving US president in history was giving evidence in
court. NO BIG DEAL just everyone forget one thing.
Read his lips.
The lady in question was a certain Paula Jones whom the President
claimed he didn't know.
He claimed he had never seen her...course not..she was under the
table all the time. Or maybe Bill was just catching up on some
badly needed shuteye at the time.
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GIVE THE NATION A VACATION
KEEP YER FLIPPER IN YER ZIPPER
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A letter was intercepted:-
Dear Hilary,
Sorry for the delay in writing but I have just come back from a
trip round the world. Having worked with your husband for a number
of years I would like to put the record straight.
Your husband, the Ex-President, is not the randy ole bugger that
everyone makes him out to be. I can remember when Bill, Newt &
yours truly were together in California for a Bible convention.
We were offered a night with the local cheerleaders, all 24 of
them. I immediately declined leaving 12 each for the President &
the Speaker of the house.
I was pleasantly surprised when your hubby categorically refused
stating it was immoral to make out with a whole posse {I think I
heard right} He was intent on having a quiet evening in with
the Spice Girls..I admire a busy man who has time for contemporary
music.
I never heard from "the Newt" again that weekend.
Yours
Jon Glenn
Dear Bill,
For all the sleepless nights you have given me
I FORGIVE YOU
For all the shady business deals you arranged me
I FORGIVE YOU
For all the femail attention you attract
I FORGIVE YOU
For all the affairs you have had
I FORGIVE YOU
But I have a confesion to make
About 20 years ago I had affairs with no less than 11 men,
thats why "OUR" daughter is called Chelsea
I FORGIVE YOU
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hilllery Billery Dock,
the maidella ran up the shmock,
the President worked round the clock,
whilst Monica moved round the block!
I've been looking for a rhyme for Clinton,
when all I can find is Intern,
Hillery Billery Dock.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
EZER CALLING
Dear Bill,
I thought I would take this opportunity in writing you
on a prezzy to prezzy basis.
Word is out that you have decided to quit messing around with
the fillies.
I commend this unilateral move but would like to put a word in
for the opposite sex.
Doubtless there will be many upset women over in Washington &
I have spoken with my struggle and strife and there is "room here"
for me to help out.
Please feel free to send 2 blondes on Tuesdays...{On the third
day the Lord said "it was good" & "it was good"; Genesis,the early
days}
And every Friday {Mitzvah night} send three or four assorted
colours. Rodger.
Back in Blighty I was known in the mess hall as Azor the Razor.
After each raid on the Rhine I was greeted by Eileen Dover. After
every reccy I entertained Bendy Wendy.
Jolly Good show. What.
Please send em over via ELAL we will try not to lose them.
Do you want them returned after the impeachment or should I arrange
a couple of caravans and convert them into four by two's??
Thinking of you at all times,
Yours,
Ezer Weizmann,
President of a small 3rd World Village.
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I dont know why I'm laughing cos whilst Bill is snug in his
mansion signing "The Yanks are Coming" we here in Israel are
again being threatened by Soddom Hussein... "The Scuds are
Coming"....Watch this space as our Gasmasks are again going
ONLINE.
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OPINION
-------
We applaud all or fellow journalists in bringing this story
to ground....
SEDITION OR SECURITY
--------------------
There is something very invigorating when the most powerful
man in the world comes under scrutiny.(pseudonym).
Bravo to all the Presidents security men who have managed to keep
a straight face throughout this harrowing ordeal. We must praise
the exemplary behaviour of the White House Headman who has
managed to supercede even the exploits of Israeli Leader
Mr Binyamin Netanyahu. A good job well done.
The US administration is well aware that a man who has enough power
at his fingertips to destroy most of civilisation must be kept
under restraint.
A senior Body Guard conjectured this "worst case scenario":-
The safety of mankind is under threat when screens are put up
around Clinton. He might be feeling deflated but the last thing
we need is some young radical waltzing around the Oval Office
attempting to blow up the President.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
MUSICAL INTERLEWD
Bill was sittting in his office late one night with his telephone
in one hand and his saxaphone in the other. Someone made this
recording.
Oh pretty woman, I'm in the mood
I get a kick out of you
Help me make it through the night
Help. Please please me
You're more than a number in my little red book
We can work it out, Don't let me down
NB Silence is Golden.
1 HOUR LATER.
The lady is a tramp???? Aint Misbehavin
Let there be love
You can leave your hat on... Smooth operator
Bend it Shake
I've got rhythm
I am a rock
I've got you under my skin!!!
Every little thing you do is magic
Hi Di Ho..You Sexy thing
You've lost that loving feeling
Thankyou Maam
You made me so very happy
The Party's over
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
1 MONTH LATER
Everybody's Talking....
I will survive
With a little help from my friends.
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YOU MIGHT BE LEAVING THE INTERNET ZONE
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This month our eldest Boy Michael is having his Barmitzvah.
MAZEL TOV
We will try and include a few words & pics next month.
COME BACK SOON
Management and medical staff at the Levinson Newsroom.
COPYright Barry Levinson 1998
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