HI FOLKS February is nearly behind us and the Mother of all Wars is back in the belly of its patron. The junk mailman however has managed to scramble a memo through from the frontline. Whilst Koffy was drinking tea with Scuddam Hinsane this messenger has been sifting the surf, browsing the browsers, mewsing the news, circumnavigating the communicators & generally chewing the fat. Despite the restriction of seeing everything through the eyes of a gasmask we have again seen fit to drop another newsletter through your mailboxes.We have refreshed our gasmasks and prepared our sealed rooms. For the time being the World has decided to let the Iraqi regime take a backseat. Israelis ,no matter, are prepared for war. Here is a pic of how we in the Levinson Newsroom dress for Tea. I am the ugly one on the left. As a service to our fellow war victims we have devised a couple of games that might amuse the family whilst whiling away the moments waiting for the all clear signal. GASMASK GAME A.. All players must be masked and sealed up in a sealed room. Everyone stands in a circle facing outwards. Player 1 breaks wind and the remaining players have to guess what you ate for breakfast. The winner is allowed to wear his mask an extra hour (even after the allclear). This game is most successful when played in the middle of a heatwave with no airconditioning. GASMASK GAME B.. This is a winner when the sirens are ringing out at full blast. Go to the highest window in your block, poke your head through and take a deep breath of fresh air?.(it may be your last) then on a down beat scream out as loud as you can SOD'EM SADDAM, SOD'EM SADDAM, SOD'EM SADDAM. You may not feel any better and few will hear you but maybe the local puffders will appreciate the encouragement. THINGS NOT TO DO whilst wearing your gasmask. Never try to thread a needle. You are likely to end up bosseyed and may even end up with a prick in your fingers!! Ok the wargame is postponed for the moment. Does anyone want to buy 6,000,0000 doses of Antropin?? 
Congrats to the makers of the film Titanic. They have managed to waste more money than even Waterworld. Maybe the Captain should have taken advice from Kevin Costner on how to survive on the 7seas. Anyway we have tracked down one of the few survivors and she even has a webpage:- WWW.MANDY-LIFEBOATS.OK. Ms Lifeboats is 98 yrs old and living in San Diego (next to Sea World). Israelis are still desperately searching for new Getaway Destinations. Saddam is still out there and we are still trying to escape his wrath. The climate of iminent acid rainfall leads us to open the holiday brochures. Turkey is no longer a feasible option as the Turks have turned off the steam in their casinos. We have made it our business to find the ultimate resort for the wandering Jews:- Read on... It has come to our attention that their is one man out there who has announced he is visiting Israel (despite the Exodus). That man is non other than POPE GEORGE RINGO*. He is arriving for the Mother of all birthday bashes, ie. 2000 years since the son and holy ghostbuster was born. To all you disbelievers, incoming travel is not dead just resting. To book your seats for the thriller in Mamilla, the Bedlam in Bethlehem or to see the Stranger from the Manger send $10 to the Vatman from the Vatican. *Not everyone calls him JOHN PAUL. FLY ME HYMIE AIRLINES So lets reciprocate. This years Hot Holiday Site is VATICANLAND. FLY ME HYMIE HAS GREAT DEALS TO ROME They say that all roads lead to Rome but how many are packed with marching bands of blessed Christian Martyrs followed by parades of sexy angel majorettes. Thats what lies in store for you as you stroll through our Pearly Gates! Vaticanland is famous for its rides, take the Tower of Babel Helter Skelter slide, go for a spin on our Rosary Wheel or experience the awesome acceleration on the Wrath of God Thunderbolt ride. Try our star attraction the incredible switchback Popacoaster ride through the entire Bible. Imagine in the beginning NOTHING then you snake into the Garden of Eden, splashdown on the waterchute past Noah and Joans' Ark. Wave goodbye to Pharoah as you enter the Promised Land. No wandering here for 40 years though as you soon rocket up past Mount Sinai past the Ten Commandments then head first into the New Testament. Zoom through the Nativity and head straight for Jerusalem (look out for the the Garden of Gesthemany on the right). Be sure to see the Resurrection before coming to a halt by the souvenir stands. Try our Last Supper Beef Burgers, they are heavenly. Ride a White Ass into papal chambers or take Splash Mountain Anointments. We at the Newsroom are spreading the rumour that the Pope is Jewish! The evidence is written in stone:- a) He doesnt drive on the Sabbath b) He has cut 3 cm of the exhaust of the PopeMobile c) He comes from the Heim. d) He wears StMichaels undergarments e) He wears a skullcap. COME ON PAPY LETS GO PARTY HOLY MOSES ITS VATMAN & DOBBIN MY GOD NOT YOU AGAIN 
It was announced during the latter part of February that the Israeli government has awarded the operation of our 3rd cellular phone com. to messrs Partner ltd. We wish them Mazel Tov. The statistics show that 1 in 3 of all Israelis own a mobile phone and some serious followers of fashion actually own 2 of these wondrous gadgets. One for each existing company. What does all this mean to our society... We here at the Levinson Newsroom predict that Partner have already consulted surgeons and that by the turn of the century many Israelis will obtain the ultimate cellular accessory..The 3rd Ear. This will enable mobile conferencing with you,yours & yourself. For those who like to read the Manual we have added a quick glimpse of a Proto-type 3rd ear. SEE BELOW February was a big month for us as Michael was called up to be Barmitzvah (Shabat Beshalach). In the Image Bank we have indulged some snaps. The proud father is behind the camera. We wish Michael our eldest boy good luck in everything he does. PLEASE SIGN OUR GUESTBOOK AS WE NEED TO KNOW WHO IS OUT THERE and to keep you updated. Dont worry if these newsletters dont make sense. You need Netsoft ExCommunicator 4.06 with a Levi501 plugin. Turn on your Active Windows and wait for BB to send Help. If Help doesnt arrive see our January News.
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