People are stopping me whilst I'm strolling the corridors of
Broadcasting House.{ This House is in Romemma, Jerusalem not the
one in London but who's counting?}.They ask me "Is it difficult
to maintain a regular News Column on the Net?"..

I chuckle and reply, Its free!. I have enough experience with
Israelis to understand that the meaning behind most questions 
is economical. ie. How do you do?, really means what's your net
mothly salary?, How are your parents? really means have you
inherited that lump sum yet? Anyway back to the question of 
maintaining a regular column.

..I explain that prunes are the secret behind my regularity.
I go on to confide that I am associated to various groups and
as a founder member of the Popular Front for Freedom of Bowel
Movement I write under the pseudonym of Mustapha K.Rapp.
This usually brings the corridor asssault to an abrupt halt,
both from sheer horror and that dumbfounded look that Israeli's
are good at. I sometimes confide that I am also a member of the 
SAS.?? (Stationery Abusers Society) and that we are a dedicated
band of halfwits who see blank paper as a gauntlet to be picked
up. We have a nasty habit of defacing A4 in fact white folio is  
as much a challenge as climbing AnnaPurna.
{ms. Purna's Tel can be reached via Hotbot}
What's all this leading to?..
We are committed to our readers and fellow SASniks so the 
Newsroom vows for the meantime to continue defacing the 
Internet as long as there is an audience out there.

If by Mayday the page Hit Counter hasn't reached 650 we will all
consider joining that Nunnery down the road.
None of this..none of that..and none of the other.
It would be greatly appreciated if you would stick your monica in 
our bran new Guestbook, if you haven't yet done so.
 NB. all old entries have been transferred in.
Please update your Address Book!
Freeyellow are no longer forwarding Mail so our ONLY address
is as follows....   sbl@internet-zahav.net
Delete everyone else!

There is a section below of our favourite weird websites. We take 
responsibility for nun of them. Please take parental guidance if 
you think it will help. 
Feel free to forward your Top whacky sites so we can spread the word.
Whacky means, wierd horrible awfull cretinistic krappy yichs.








                     DIPLOMAT OR BEERMAT?
                     ====================
What would you do on the day your divorce came through?
 a] Arrange a cultural exchange?  NO WAY,
Yad Vashem (Holocaust Memorial} was sold out that day!!
 b] Have a working lunch with your counterparts?
NO WAY, Bibi just sacked his foodtaster.
 c] Stroll around a dung hill and put your foot in it?
YEAH, that sounds like fun.



On  the 17/3/98 Robin Half-Cooked visited our green and pleasant 
land and was so elated his divorce had come through that he 
somehow forget to switch his brain on. He was feeling horny when
in strolled my old china plate Yasser (got any old medals) Arafat
and Robin couldn't hold his emotions back. He puckered up and 
kissed the Chairman. Yasser was flattered. The deed was done.
This telephone conversation  tween Cook and Tony Blair 
was intercepted by our detector van upon the Minister's  
arrival to the Holy Land..


            Hi Tony its Robi.
            Whats newsy?
            Howsy doosy?
            Yeh I'm in Isi,
            Tell me isi my Decree Nisi fini?
            Great newsy!
            Ok I'm off to point Percy at Bibi.
            Bysi Bysi.







The White House spokesman has remarked that with all the tsorres
Clinton has given the administration over the past few months
it was not a surprise that the Willy woman had raised her head
during March. It appears that every Tom Dick or Harry has a romantic
link with the US President. 
He doesn't deserve to be punished this way.  Talking about punishment
if Clinton was in Infant school he would be made to stand in the 
corner. NO CAN DO...
In his present office there is a distinct lack of corners.







Ever since his performance in Cuckoos Nest we have had a soft spot
for Jack Nicholson so we were pleased he was remembered in the Oscars.

The Good news rumoured in Hollywood circles is that John Travolta
is going to direct a remake of Grease. This time not with Livvy
Newtron Bomb but with Pomella Lee Anderson. They will shoot most
of the scenes on a yacht in the Bermuda menage a trois.
       (It takes 2 to Tango but 3 to Cha Cha Cha)
This time Tommy Lee will have a small bit part and the male lead is
rumoured to be none other than your main man, the leader of the pack,
William ,sock it to me, Clinton.
The extras will consist of a team of female synchronised scuba divers
who will circle the yacht gurgling "You're the one that I want" 
whilst Bill will reap Pomella fruits on the forecastle.
The Titanic and its crew will make a cameo appearance in the closing
scenes. They all go down by the credits. 
The Monkees will make a reunion and will perform the theme tune,
Sandy, on the deck of the sunken Titanic.
Asked if this was technically possible,
Davy Jones, leader of the Monkees said for him this was a 
"busmans holiday".

The working title is Vaseline but if Robin Williams has a part in
producing this blockbuster then the title might change to Blubber.








                         50 NOT OUT or IN
                         ================
If Israel deserves a 50th celebration is a good question. Is Israel
capable of organising a party? We at the Levinson Newsroom don't
think the authorities are capable of organising a Tupperware Party.
Let's  assume the birthday bash goes ahead...

Ok 50 years are up this coming month so what can we say.. I suppose
we should be grateful that we don't live in Uganda.
Probably you will get a chance to see the birthday bash on TV so
with this in mind this  reporter will wiggle his camera every
time his lens goes live. This wiggle might go down in history as
the JEWBILEE WIGGLE as opposed to the Mexican Wave.
Consider this wiggle as Levinson's contribution to world peace.
I call upon all fellow cameramen around the world to follow suit and
at 21:00 JMT (Jewish mean time) on the 29th April next to give
a little wiggle.

           WE PRONOUNCE THE JEWBILEE WELL AND TRULY 





OK folks its springtime in Israel. What is Irish and comes 
out in the spring?

Paddy O'Furniture.






Now it has come to our notice that most of you surfers are
upset with the quality {or lack} of good links out there.
The rubbish we churn up is never-ending so we have spent the
last month filing, editing and massaging our messengers in 
order to bring you our TOP 10 list of Loony Links.
So try 'em out. Fine tune your favourites or brighten your
bookmarks. 
Please try and be 18 years old or more.
If you can't be 18 be mature, if you can't be mature be adult.
If you can't be adult be aware.
If you can't be aware be alert. 
If you don't understand any of this you are fortunate.
TTFN.

LOONY LINKS April Fool if you take this seriouly WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY Send us your top ten

Condomania

Buy me and stop one.

Abuse!!

Send that note to the one you hate.

Top Gear

So you think you are a competent driver......BEWARE

Israeli Army Homefront

An affront against Iraq??

Word

The ultimate explanation of this Microsoft tool

Slogans

????

Dyke Police

I didn't know they needed policing!

No idea what to call this

Well?? Can you find worse??

Electric Chair

Keep in touch with fellow sadists.

Toilet Talk

Need to take a leak? Here is the site. Must go.