Nice of you to drop in. We have to report that Dana 
International has dropped this writer into a tight spot.
What Israel really needs is to hold another Ding Dong
Eurovision Song Contest, let's forget making peace, let's forget 
getting the Army to pullback, let's forget getting the economy
back on track, let's forget the deteriorating road infrastructure
and waste another $10 million on a stupid competition.
Besides having to film this abomination your author will be
involved in running a simultanoeus contest..
"The Eurovision Dong Contest."



With the success of our recent representative it has become 
obvious that all the freaks of Europe have "come out" and 
are making their way to the Land of Milk & Honey. We here at
the Levinson Newsroom will hold a Dong Contest in their honour.
Any "member" of the European Community can apply!! 
At this stage just send a colour photo of your Dong and 
a few background deatils of yourself.. 
Things you like and what you've done for world peace etc.etc.
(A fact sheet will be included in future editions.)
Any Village People wannabees should apply with gusto.
If you have any favourite Abba snaps please feel free to pop
them in the envelope.
We will shred them carefully.
Dont forget to forward a large stamped addressed Jiffy Bag 
otherwise we won't be able to return your Dong.
Next Year in Jerusalem has taken on a complete new meaning....

All entries to arrive by 31st October 1998. Judges decision is
arbitrary.




Dana Dana show us your leg, show us your leg, show us your leg.
Dana Dana show us your leg, the one you keep in the jam jar.!!






After a prolonged illness and many toupee bypasses it is with
deep regret that we announce the demise of "Ole Blue Eyes".
To be Frank with you I think the singer had lost his way in
the last two decades but up till the mid 70's Sinatra was the
best Act in Town.
Frankie could always be counted upon to bring the house down.
He was definitely at home with a 20 piece string section on
one side and a 16 piece horn works on his other.
His early recordings have a distinctive and vibrant quality that
no other singer can emulate. His work in front of the best
big bands was second to none.
No one knew how to milk a crowd quite like Mr.Songsmith. My Way 
will be his best epitaph.
May his tunes live a longlife..


MY WAY

Writers: Revaux/Francois/Anka

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!







And now as promised in our last mailing.... the truth is out.
Why did the Beatles really split up?





It's commonly believed that the Beatles broke up cos of
personal and creative differences between John Lennon and
Paul McCartney.
As usual everyone has forgotten Ringo Starr.
Our enquiries led us to "G" a former member of the Beatles
who didn't want to be named for fear of reprisals. He 
explained, 'I think we broke up because Ringo was tired of 
being "the other one" all the time'.
We would be on stage playing our hearts out and everyone 
would be screaming  for John or Paul even our manager but 
in the end me and Ringo would get cheesed off. Whenever there
was a gig we would stay at home and play Cluedo, no one ever
noticed.

The thing that really "got" to Ringo was that John or Paul
never let him write any of the songs. We were sitting in a 
cafe once and Ringo had this serviette and you could see that
he was thinking of some lyrics... so Paul & John snatched it away
and quickly wrote "Yesterday" all over it so he couldn't use it.
Whenever Ringo brought any songs into the studio Lennon & 
McCartney would screw up the pages into litle balls and play  
Piggy in the Middle with them. If Ringo got stroppy they would
simply mention 'Pete Best' and that would shut him up.
He got really paranoid and thought the rest of us hated him.

He was convinced that "Nowhere Man" was a dig at him.
Looking back I think it was the "I am the Walrus" episode that
was the last straw.
When asked if his grievances were the real cause of the breakup
of the Beatles, Ringo was heard to say "well the bastards used 
to tease me about my nickname. You know like "Ringo" and I 
knew an oeff was an oeff...
"P" another member who wished to remain anonymous explains 
exactly how Ringo got his nickname. 'He tells everyone its short
for Richard... rubbish...whoever heard of King Ringo III or Ringo
Nixon or even Cliff Ringo? Ringo isn't short for Richard at all.
Its Scouse slang as in "eh whack who just dropped a ringo?" or
"bloody hell who ringoed in here?"
He brought in on himself, old Ringo was very fond of eggs (and
Heinz Beans) like all of his family but they gave him all sorts
of problems.
When he was in Hamburg with the Hurrricanes- before he joined us-
he'd come on stage with an egg sarney and everyone would rush
to the air raid shelters. He could have got a job making the
bubbles in a jaccuzzi if it hadn't been for the occasional
accidents.
Me and John thought it was a great crack winding him up, once
we wrote a song titled "Fart on the Hill" and he went mad. He
jumped on my back and started to pull my hair out until I 
promised to change the title. 
The best time though was when John got hold of his song called
"I am the Drummer" while Ringo was in the lavvy.
He was so proud of it, but by the time he got out we had already
recorded it under the name of "I am the Walrus"-{which is what
John called him on account of his large hooter}. Ringo went
berserk especially when he heard those lines, "I am the eggman-
I am the Walrus".
'Looking back we had pushed him too far although we didn't mean to.
I think the days of the Beatles were numbered from then on.'  

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