"So how many is it?"
Silence.
"How many men have you been with?"
We are lying in bed naked, on our backs. We look so stereotyped, smoking our cigarettes and staring at the ceiling, as if we belong on a Hollywood soundstage filming a daytime soap opera. I turn over on to my side to face him and reply, "You're the 10th." I trace the line of his profile mentally and admire his perfect skin and icy blue eyes. He keeps looking up at the ceiling and mumbles, "Hmm.." I laugh in good humor and ask, "And what does that mean?"
He shrugs and cocks his head to the left, closer to me. "Oh, I guess I was just surprised that you answered so quickly."
I take another drag of my cigarette, preparing myself for the ensuing conversation. "I always keep a running log of how many men I've been with. I guess I'm ever leary of the threat of becoming a slut, though I'm not sure at what point that occurs."
A deep furrow crawls across my new lover's brows.
"I'm working on a theory about that. Wanna hear it?" I ask enthusiastically.
"Sure."
"OK, see, I don't think there's an absolute number at which point you become a slut. I think it's probably a ratio. Like the ratio of the number of years you've been fucking to the number of people you've fucked."
He exhales a cloud of smoke and remains silent.
"Let's see. I lost my virginity at 15. Now I'm 24. That's 10 men in 9 years. So what do you think the slut ratio is? 3 to 1? 3 to 2? Maybe something even smaller, like 4 to 3? Ooh, that would mean I'm closing in on promiscuity..."
He nods his head slowly and turns to me. "So it's the average, then. What if you were married and faithful for 20 years and then got divorced, and suddenly you were having all kinds of sex... sex with men, sex with women, sex with multiple partners, sex with donkeys...? I mean, a universal 'you', not you, you." I love these moments of eloquence. "So that in the past year you had sex with 20 people. But your ratio would still be 21 to 21, well below the slut level. But wouldn't you agree that a woman who had sex with 20 different partners in a year would be bit of a slut?"
"Hmm... interesting point. I was thinking about that myself. It's a bug I haven't worked out yet. That's why I thought maybe there's some formula. Hey, why'd you say that a woman who had sex 20 times would be a slut? I know you men don't think this is the case, and you certainly don't act like it, but the term 'slut' is not gender specific. Men are more promiscuous than women, in case you didn't notice."
"Now who's making generalizations?" He pokes me in the side just under my ribs. "I was just using a woman as an example. Yeah, sure, a man could be a slut, too. But it's different for men. I mean, biologically. It's all about procreation, baby. Spreading our genes about. To as many recipients as possible." A wide grin spreads across his face.
"Oh, is that what this is about," I ask, wagging my finger in the space between our bodies. "Are you suggesting there should be a different formula for men? One that increases your upper limit? I would have to disagree with that."
"I'm just trying to help you tease out the inherent problems in your theory."
"What do you mean, inherent?"
"Well, you're working under the assumption that sex is the same for men and women, and it's not. Sex means more to women than to men. It's biological. Women bear children. There's more of an emotional involvement because of that. To us, often the act is enough. It ends there. Testosterone. Need I say more?"
"It may be true that biologically, women are predisposed to get more emotionally involved once a relationship becomes sexual. But you’re using that as an excuse to validate the discrepancy between the sexes regarding promiscuity, really just an insidious way to maintain the double standard.”
We both pause to light new cigarettes, and he raises himself up on one elbow. "Listen, men don't think of promiscuity in terms of numbers. To me, a person is promiscuous if they aren't discriminating in who they sleep with. Men just happen to be less discriminating than women."
I charge ahead. “It’s more an issue of societal conditioning. Women have been conditioned to think in terms of numbers. You saw how fast I came up with the answer to your question. Because it's everpresent in our minds. Women don't have the sexual freedom to not keep count. It's implied that our numbers define us, as virgin or slut, good girl or bad girl, and hardly ever in between. What's worse than being labeled by society or the community, or even our peers is that we've been trained to do it to ourselves! We castigate ourselves for giving in to sexual desires. We feel guilty for having sex with someone we're not in love with. And I don't think you can say that's all biology. I think conditioning has a very big part to play."
"But see, your need to create a 'slut ratio' is a reflection of that conditioning. You want to draw a definite line for youself where you become the slut, instead of trying to attain that sexual freedom."
I think about this for a moment and the realization of my folly sinks in. But I can't concede to that... there's too much at stake in this battle. "Not necessarily. I just want to hold men and women to the same standard. If you're going to call a woman a slut, I want you to think about what makes her a slut and then check yourself. You might be a hypocrite."
I see a look of resignation on his face. "Well, you've certainly given this a lot of thought, haven't you?" I'm relieved by his sudden retreat.
"I told you, I've been conditioned to." I flash an evil little grin. "And the only reason you haven't is because you're a man. You've probably never felt guilty about your sexual habits, or wondered if you were a slut..."
"You're right, I haven't."
"So why is it important to you to know how many men I've slept with? Kind of a double standard, wouldn't you say? Subconsciously or maybe even consciously you're trying to determine where I fall on the slut sliding scale."
"There you go. You've answered your own question."
"And," I smile, "what have you decided?"
He puts on his best analytical expression and strokes his chin. "That you're not a slut, but may have problems with long term commitments. You may have had fleeting bouts of promiscuity but you're discriminating and attractive enough to sleep with only the very best. Namely, guys like me." He smiles his million dollar smile.
"Wow, you got all that from my 10 to 9 ratio and flattered yourself to boot. I think you should work on the formula. Now tell me about your numbers."
He looks away and shifts his position. "Um... let's just say I'm a little less discriminating than you and leave it at that."
"Slut."
We both laugh and fall into kisses.
Copyright 1998 Jennifer Chung
All rights reserved, damnit.
