A radio play
by Chris Murphy
Episode 22: After Dinner Mints
[Music: Opening theme - light hearted, yet melodramatic with a feel of romance and intrigue]
Announcer: You remember last time! Tony had just proclaimed his love to Susan, and Susan discovered the horrifying revelation about her ex-husband Richard, who had just left her a note saying that Tony was his best friend Eddie's old roommate who Robert had seen walking with Ethel one night as Peter drove past them on his way to see Mary, who only just the night before had seen his mother in a dream? Well, forget all that, we don't care about them anymore! Tony left the set yesterday in a huff and said he wasn't coming back until he got a raise and the rest of them decided to follow suit and go on strike. Well, we'll show them! Instead, we take you now to the summer home of Barbara, where she is about to learn something from her brother, Harold that could turn her whole life upside down...
Barbara: Oh, Harold! I'm so glad you've come! I have news that may turn your life upside down!
Harold: (Cough) That was my line...
Barbara: What?
Harold: (repeating the line quickly) "I have news that may turn your life upside down," that's my line..
Barbara: Oh, (chuckle) sorry!
Harold: Barbara, I have news that may turn your life-
Barbara: Are you sure?
Harold: What? Sure of what?
Barbara: That that's your line? See! Right before that is MY name and then the line.
Harold: That's a comma, dear, not a colon.
Barbara: A colon?
Harold: Yes, dear. That's what comes after your lines. See? There's MY name, then a COLON, then YOUR name, then "I have news that may turn your life upside-down," see?
Barbara: (As a 'light goes on' in her head) Ohhhhh! I always wondered what that was called.
Harold: Yes...
Barbara: A colon...
Harold: Barbara, I have news that may-
Barbara: So what's THIS mark here?
Harold: That's a parenthesis.
Barbara: A parentha-what?
Harold: A Parenthe-seas.. That's an open and that's a closed parenthesis. They make your voice directions separate from the rest of your lines.
Barbara: Well, I knew THAT much,I mean I'm not stupid, ya know!
Harold: (Aside) I was wondering..
Barbara: What was that?
Harold: I said,"Can we get going?"
Barbara: Oh yes.. Of course!
Harold: Barbara, I have news-
Barbara: Colon, Parenthe-seas...
Harold: (Pauses) Are you done?
Barbara: Hmmnn?
Harold: Are you ready to start now?
Barbara: Oh yes... I'll begin again.
Harold: Ahh, okay.
Barbara: Oh Harold, I'm so glad you've come! I have news that may turn your life-
Harold: That's MY LINE!
Barbara: Are you sure?
Harold: Oh forget it! That's it, I quit!
Barbara: What?!
Harold: (Sound of walking footsteps away from microphone) Lame temp job anyway. No wonder the others went on strike, they don't pay enough to deal with this.
--Sound: Door in the distance opens and slams shut--
Barbara: (Pauses for a beat) Well, now what? ...Who will play Harold? (pauses for another beat) ...Well?... (Pause) I'm waiting...
Announcer: Oh all right! I'll play Harold... (clears his throat)
Barbara: Oh, Ha-
Announcer: (cuts Barbara off) I'm so Glad you've come! Barbara, I have-
Barbara: That's MY LINE!
Announcer: What?
Barbara: "I'm so glad you've come," that's my line!
Announcer: But it says my name after your line...
Barbara: That's a comma, you moron!
Announcer: Comma?
Barbara: (Frustrated grunt) That's it! I can't stand working with these morons all the time! They don't pay me enough (complaining continues as it fades with sound of feet walking away)
--Sound: Door opens and slams shut--
Announcer: (Coughs nervously) Aheh.. Hmmnn...(nervous cough again) ...Umm. (tries to get into ending mood) Well! What do you think will happen next time? (Coughs again)
[Music: Ending Theme]
Copyright 2/99 Chris Murphy
All rights reserved.
Period.