Overread in email:
>>it's so strange because it's definitely NOT sexual, which is REALLY
>>exceptional for me, but it's just this magic something she has. she
>>must have fucked--or sucked--my brains out in a past life. i know! i
>>was a monkey and she was a chinese princess and she ate my brains
>>while i just sat there on the lazy susan staring dumbly up at her.
>the image of your little monkey head on a lazy susan with your chilled
>brains exposed, eyes frozen on the tiny chinese empress who wields so much
>power.... is kind of gross. yet appealing to the sovereign in me.
if i ever offer you my body do you promise not to eat my brains?
speaking of sucking, did you know that japanese women make the best fellatrixes? there's this great old urban legend there that semen is an elixer of youth. yeah, that's right, and the more you get, the younger your skin looks. god, i wonder who got that one going? i wonder what effect sucking brains might have? and how would one suck them out? through the ears? nose? in the case of certain men, asshole?
what don't you get?
my use of 'i'm all about'? it's a corruption of the old hokey pokey song:
you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!
the phrase 'what it's all about' has traditionally been used for ideologies; broad, sweeping generalities; or emotional pleas to get people to give you money for a cause. so that, eg: this program is (all) about getting children off drugs and away from pedophiles! that warped into referring not to just ideologies, programs, sweeping generalities, but also to the people themselves. eg, she's all about money. he's all about easter bunnies and dipsticks. meaning, of course, that that is what the individual is mainly concerned with or preoccupied by.
as for: i'm all, she's all, he's all, like...
i couldn't tell you where that one came from. but it predates me, and i'm afraid that one's going to be particularly hard to kill off. sounds like it could have originated from the valley. i remember my dad railing against that construction when i was an adolescent. "whatever happened to 'said,'" he said. and i go, "whatever, dad."
>(snip) I like it when
>girls answer "whatever." It's sorta seductive (It implies they're easy).
PSH! (if you can't imagine this exclamation, i'll vocalize it for you sometime).
What-EV-ER!!
i don't think girls these days use it to mean that they are easy going. instead it usually means, "you're lame. i'm not going to talk to you anymore," or "i have nothing intelligent to say which would support my argument/opinion so i'm going to pretend like you're lame and i'm not going to talk to you anymore."
i prefer the easy-going (weak-willed, submissive) meaning behind "as you wish." when spoken to me, that is. as in: farmboy (meaning boyfriend, roommate, any male, really), fetch me a bag of doritos from the store. "as you wish, my queen (meaning me)."
i was playing piano for my friend the other day and he said, "god, you straddle the bench just like tori!" and i said, no, tori straddles it just like me, and it's really not necessary to call me god.
did you know that in archaeology humans are classified into just three biological 'races'? there's caucasian - whities; negro - blacks; and mongoloid - you guessed it, asian (and oriental). what's up with that? am i the only one that finds this offensive? when this term came into use it was derogatory. incidentally, it still means "of, relating to, or affected with down's syndrome".
i have a little back hair but not much. sometimes in the shower when i'm thinking about having sex with you - i pluck them out. it's fun, not sure why.
it is fun to see you jealous. i hope i don't start doing it on purpose, i think that is a game. games are bad. ooh, but i have "life is a game, here are the rules" so i am okay. rather then "how to manipulate girls into have sex with you" it contains blah content like "how to know yourself" i know myself, now i want to know others! oh well. when you get in nasty jealous bitch mode, i get all excited. why? i think my wife is going to beat me and i will like it. damn. i will not get married.
that's about it for now. i am going camping tonight. i will think of you when i insert my hot marshmallow in between my hairless lightly tanned graham crackers. as i smear hot dark chocolate all over my face and tongue, jennifer oh sweet jennifer i will imagine your deep sighs of pleasure.
are you upset over the molestation thing? don't be, it was a long time ago and you probably never remembered it anyway, someone had to have told you about it. plus, lots of people are molested. something like 1 out of every 12 kids, 1 out of 5 college students, 2 out of 3 women, 4 out of 5 altar boys, 1 out of 8 horses.
Copyright 7/99 Jennifer Chung.
All rights reserved.
Am I allowed to copyright this?