Last night I went to the Karl Strauss Brewery downtown for dinner. While I find the interior red brick walls a soothing comfort on a cold winter's night, the ovens were a leeeetle too hot for my taste, what with those flames licking out, reaching desperately to ignite my date's head on fire. Then passing through the gas chamber shower room was a little disconcerting, to say the least. We drank our beers and did silly impressions of our benefactor, the broad of girth and gutteral, sober-slurring German impresario. "My name is Karl Strauss, master brewer! I have been aquitted of all Nazi warcrimes! Now you must drink my beer!" Suddenly an equine woman with long blonde hair in a braid down her back catapulted and somersaulted (assaulted) her way over to our table. She took our order and promptly flipped back to the kitchen.
The shrimp scampi over linguini was a bit on the oily side. We stuck the corners of our napkins into the floating orange oil and sopped up the excess and then greased up our hair in preparation for our venture into south east San Diego. My friend had the PENNE pasta; pronounced, she declared: "peeny", which launched us into the following conversation:
"I'm wearing my peeny loafers tonight!"
"Peeny for your thoughts, dear..."
"A peeny earned, a peeny saved!"
"Man, if I had a peeny for every time I had to beat those midgets down to keep them from escaping..."
Half way through dinner, the grease in our hair was jogging into our eyes and made fondling eachother under the table difficult. But by the time we finished with desert, we were drunk on thick lager and Karl Strauss was taking advantage of our men in the back room! My friend and I, indignant, stumbled blindly out of the restaurant into the cool night air, leaving a trail of peenies behind us as a tip for Frauline Jackie Chan.
On the offchance that Karl himself should read this...
Karl, you may remember me. I was with that tall, slightly feminized guy with dark hair. You took a real shine to him. But hey, I was really drunk that night, and may have seen things I only thought I saw. I mean, maybe I didn't see anything at all. Yeah, it was probably nothing. And I was just joking about that Nazi stuff. So, um... don't sue me, OK?