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When I was a kid I used to wear underoos. I had the whole Wonder Woman
gig, with the red panties, blue tank top with white stars; I even
had the headband and armbands to finish off the ensemble. I used to
watch Superfriends all the time. I wanted to be a superhero so bad.
Now I've realized that I am, in fact, a superhero. One with limited repute, for certain, but all that's going to change soon. You see, Jennifer is just an alias. My real name is MegaloBriago, and I'm from Korzon, planet of left-handed midgets, here to battle the injustices inflicted upon short and sinistral people everywhere. Mild-mannered, right-handed editor of somewhat diminuitive stature by day, at night I become the supremely giant, creatively-stultified-and-bitter-about-it lefty, MegaloBriago. I consume beaujelais and fly around and help those of small stature reach the cereal on the top shelf at the supermarket, battle grammar-school bullies who think they can push smaller kids around, pimp-smack large parents and teachers who try to force children into right-handedness, and speak at conferences to shift America's prejudices of the height-impaired and sinistrally-inclined. Unaware about the plight of short people and lefties? Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. |