"Missing Phyllis"

Suicide Prevention/click on the blue to get help!

A story to that may help a potential victim see the light.

I am hoping that this story of my mothers suicide will help even one person see that suicide is not the answer, it is painful and and heartbreaking to the entire family surrounding the victin. And in the same breath, I do understand my mothers desperate feelings. All of us have been there at one time or another, but the choice to try and wait out those feelings and hope that things will turn around, is always an option. For a person who is feeling that desperate to call for help, to try and turn things around, it is my goal to reach people who are just that desperate. Please....think about the far future, not just tomorrow. It can be better, with help and friendship.

This is my Mom, Phyllis Jean Webster.

She committed suicide in November of 1960, at the age of 23, leaving behind two young daughters,

Bonnie Lou and Judy Lynne

I have talked to many people who knew my mom since moving back to the area in 1977, and have found out that my mom did love my sister and I very much. That is a common guilt among suicide victims families. Was it something I had done. It is a terrible guilt, even though my sister and I weren't old enough really to be guilty of anything as painful as causing our mother to take her own life. Phyllis was married at the time to an unbearable man and there is suspicion surrounding the death. But we cannot change things now, so we try to move on. I hope to somehow help others in this situation, get beyond the guilt, the hurt, the pain and angry feelings a family member has towards the suicide victim.

I remember my moms sisters telling me of how they were so angry at her for doing it, I hear that is a normal reaction also. I totally understand it.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by my moms sister, unlike many orphaned victims. So I had my birth family to rely on for support and love while growing up.

I never knew my mom, and I have searched my memory to catch a glimspe of the smiling face, that all who knew her said she carried most always when they met her along the way. They say I am very much like her in looks and personality. I hope so, that some bit of her lives on in my sister and I. To those who contemplate suicide, remember the story of two little girls and their grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, who never got to see what kind of person she could have become. The grandchildren and great grandchildren she has now and will never get to hold. Life could have gotten better. we grew up and could have helped even more. Don't leave behind those who love you and care. They might not always express it every day. But they are there, even strangers on a help line care, or they would not be volunteering their time to help. So don't be afraid to ask for help, an understanding ear can work wonders!

My tattoo on my right shoulder. I took a long time deciding what symbolism would be in the design

then drew it and took it to Chris Killingstad, a great tattoo artist in Wellsboro, PA.

The symbols are a star in the sky for the infant my mom carried for 8 months at the time of her death, the baby died instantly.

The 9 stars in her crown are for the 7 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren she will never know.

The pencil and paintbrush are for myself and the purple rose is for my sister, Bonnie, who loves purple, and is like the rose, beautiful and wonderful to be around.

I want to thank my mom, who raised me and made me what I am today, without her and my dad I do not know where I would have ended up in my life. I only know one Mom, the one who raised me and I will be forever grateful.

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