• Lyrics
  
• Screenplay
  

This is a karaoke session. Music and lyrics are provided ... just try not to sing too loud.

MY CAR WILL GO ON...HOPEFULLY (different version of "my heart will go on" from TITANIC) Intro: wispy woodwind verse 1: Every time I start you, I hear you, I feel you Telling me you cannot...go on. Far away the Hyundais, the Yugos, they beat us At 45[mph] you slowly...go on. Chorus: Near, far, wherever you park I can see you, oh brown, ug-ly car! Once...More...I don't lock the door And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on verse 2: The battery died that one time, and stalled me a lifetime I watched as all the others...go on How the kids they would laugh, the fan belts, do screech-scratch When I drive with the fan...turned on Chorus: Near, far, wherever you park I can see you, oh brown, ug-ly car! Once...More...I don't lock the door And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on Super-chorus:(same melody, but raised two keys) This...year..., there's nothing I fear I got triple-A card to go on On...the...405 Freeway I reach for the call box and, my life will go on and on.....

The Haze Will Go On Every night in my dreams I smell you, I see you That is how I know you go on Far across the islands, The longkangs, the oil spills You have come to show you go on Near, far, wherever you are I believe I must lock up my door Once more I close my window But then still you're in my house And my flu goes on and on... They can tell us one time And two times one lifetime That it'll never come back at all Truth was when I walked out And turned on the radio All these times I've been a moron Near, far, wherever you are Visits to the clinic more and more Once more, try to stay indoors And don't exert yourself Just sleep and eat forever-more... (Flute interval, followed by orchestral climax) Hmnmmm...mmmmm..mmmm You're here, there's nothing I Fear! Now I know I'll stop jogging in the morn' We'll stay, forever this way And I'll stay with my belly My flu still go on and on....

Hokkien version Tah tah meh in my dreams, wa khuah lu, i feel u, Thou si khong, wa eh chai you go on, Far across the distance and spaces between us, Lu lai ha wah khuah u go on, Kin, huui, wherever you are, Wah siong sin that my sim does go on. Khou chi tau, lu kui mui, And lu si wah eh sim, And wah eh sim will go on and on. Love eh thong us one time and last for a lifetime, And never boh pang till lang gone, Love was when wah ai lu, one true time wah gim lu, In my life, lang peh peh always go on. Kin, huui, wherever you are, Wah siong sin that the sim does go on. Khou chi tau, lu kui door, And lu si wah eh sim, And wah eh sim will go on and on. Lu tua chi peng, there's nothing i fear, And wah chai that my heart will go on, We'll stay forever this way, You are safe in my sim, And wah eh sim will go on and on.

The malay version of Titanic will have Awie, Erra, Edika play Dawson, Rose and Carl. This grand epic will do the Malay movie industry proud and will be directed by Yusof Haslam.

This brilliant film is called "Pulau Kapas".

Pulau Kapas is the name of the ferry that will take our star crossed young lovers from Butterworth to Pulau Pinang. Awie will play a poor drifter, who is an artist and can also write bad rock songs. He will be on the top deck of the ferry (the pedestrians and motorcyclists are all on the top deck).

Erra and Edika are on the bottom deck in his fancy Proton sports car bearing Penang plate no PEN15. (Edika,by the way, is the son of a big time datuk and erra's mom lost a lot of money in Sime Bank shares).

The two fall in love and in one scene Awie and Erra stands at top deck where people normally jump to commit suicide. And because this is in Malaysia the closest thing to shagging is a music video of them probing the top deck and not each other.

Then just like the titanic tragedy strikes. A rogue toxic tong left by Indah Water gets caught in the ferry's propeller! Oh no! The propeller blows up and the ferry takes in water.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

The ferry starts to sink. The people panic and jump into the sea.

The life jackets on the ferry are so old and reput that none of them work. And they lower the lifeboats. But wait! There are no lifeboats.

The sea is so polluted that 70% of the passengers who jump die on the spot.Those who don't die bob up and down in the water looking like an orang minyak horror story gone bad.

Other ferrys do not see the sinking ferry as the haze is back.

Awie grabs a piece of floating banner which reads "Caruman EPF Untuk Masa Depan Anda" This was thrown in the sea earlier by a disgruntled EPF contributor (marginal side plot). For once EPF is used to save someone's future rather than ailing companies (subtle political message by Yusof Haslam) and Awie lets Erra sit on it. Erra gets wet - which is the only sexy moment of the movie (promo posters will have this picture to attract all the yellow bellied horny gits out there) before another tragedy strikes.

An obor-obor stings Awie and he dies. His last words were "Jangan lepaskan aku" ...and "Aduh" before slipping into the sea. Finally some tongkangs pendatang haram from Indonesia come and saves Erra. Sad ending and all the audience cries.

Ending credits will include the Ziana Zain song: "Jantung Ku akan tetap berdenyut." which she will sing in her normal dress which is 3 sizes too small.

Q. Why did Jack die but Rose live?

A (official): He loved her so he stayed in the icy water and let her stay on the floating debris with coat and life jacket on.

A (unofficial): She had more fat than he.

Q. Why did Rose throw away the 'Heart of the Ocean' at the end?

A (official): As in all love stories, love is held far above any treasure on earth. The 'object' of love is returned to the 'love of her life', whose spirit lives on at the bottom of the ocean.

A (unofficial): She finally realised it's just plastic.

Q. Why did the censors cut the nude scene?

A (official): So the film will not have an RA rating.
A (unofficial): The sketch was better than the original.

Q. Why didn't Rose jump when she was teetering on the bow of
the ship?

A (official): Jack persuaded her not to.

A (unofficial): She was afraid she'd smash her pretty face on the propellor. (Remember her excuse for leaning too far out that she slipped?)

Now this one's for you to figure out......

Q. Why didn't the lights go off on the deck when the engine rooms were already flooded?

A (official): They had a back-up generator somewhere else?
A (unofficial): Jim (the director) will not get his Ocars if the film is to dark to be screen?

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