Disclaimer: These jokes are in no way meant to offend anyone. Every type of musician is picked on at one point or another.

-- What's the difference between a violin and a viola??
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

--What is the range of a piccolo??
About 20 yards on a good day.

--How many clarinet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
One...but they will go through the whole box before they find the perfect bulb.

--What did the saxophonist get on his IQ test??
Drool.

--How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
One...he just holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.

--What do you call a trombonist with a beeper??
An optimist.

--Why is a bassoon better than an oboe??
The bassoon burns longer.

--What is the difference between a French Horn and a '57 Chevy??
You can tune a '57 Chevy.

--How do you fix a broken tuba??
With a tuba glue.

--Why are the orchestra intermissions limited to only 20 minutes??
So they don't have to retrain the drummers.

--How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other??
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

--Why is an 11 ft. concert grand piano better than a studio upright??
Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.

--What does it mean when the guitar player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.

--Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
Violins don't have spit valves.

--What can go higher than a piccolo's highest note??
A trumpet player's ego.

--What's the difference between a vacuum and viola player??
The vacuum only sucks when you turn it on.

--What are oboes good for??
Lighting bassoons on fire.

--Why do bagpipers walk when they play??
To get away from the sound.

--Why did the clarinet player cross the road??
He heard it would give him a darker sound.

--Why are piano players' hands like lightning??
They never strike the same place twice.

--What's the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline??
You take off your shoes with a trampoline.

--How many percussionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
Two: One to screw it in after the other realizes that hitting it with a stick won't work.