Cristian and I have a date tonight! *vbg* i am soooo happy. And I Finally decided to make love to him, wheather he wants to or not! After my talk with Cassie, I looked in my heart, and found out what I want: give my love to Cristian. Right now, i am getting jazzed up, listening to Spice Girls. Should I take this CD with me? I wanna make love to him to "2 become 1". that would be great.
Now on to bigger things...like how will i react? the last few times, i chickend out. But after seeing Kev and Cassie doing it..well, i feel left out. I mean, Hank and Carlotta are having sex, everyone is! everyone but me..tonight this will all change.

I hear the song playing. I feel Cristian's arms around me, very tight. I feel our lips, touching, kissing. And I get that sick feeling in my stomach again. I start to resist, as his hands go down my chest. My heart is racing 100 miles per hour. Damnit! I pull away. I am not ready. Cristian's face gets cold. I apologize. I love you. He says he knows that i do, but he is sick of my hesitation. This is the third time it's happend. I start to cry. Don't leave, I love you Cristian. He rolls his eyes. He says he needs to be satisfied. He says he should go get it from a woman. Not me. I need you, Cristian, I cry. Do you? Do I? Am I in love with him? God, I am such a baby. Cris looks outside. I hear him mutter, he wishes he would have stayed with Laine. She would make love to me. My eyes grow hazy. You slept with Laine? He looks at me, and nods. I call him an asshole and leave.

Life sucks. Love sucks. Nothing matters. I am pacing around my room, hazy eyed, and runny nosed. My mom knocks on my door, but I am not in the mood to be comforted. I want her to leave. I have never felt this much rage, and anger in my life. I want to get revenge on Cristian but how? Never in my life have I wanted to evoke so much pain on a person. I should go to my Uncle Todd. Now, I put on Fiona Apple, force myself into a trance.

Jessica looks into the mirror. Her blue eyes have a weird haze. She takes off her red dress, and slinks into a halter top, and a very short mini skirt with boots up to her thighs. She puts on lots of makeup also. She climbs out of the window, on to the trellis and scoots down. Somehow, she makes her way to the really bad part of town, The Kellerville Projects.
"Hey baby," a wicked voice burns from behind her. a man with brown eyes, long hair and big teeth.
"Hey yourself." Jessica's voice is deeper than normal, and she has a wicked look in her eyes.
"What's your name, baby?" the guy asks, touching her shoulder.
"Jasmine. Jasmine Pulitto."