10. When the catcher visits the mound, you gaze deep into his eyes and whisper, “Hold me.”
9. You decide to leave after the 7th inning to beat the traffic.
8. You think, “Hey, maybe Dan Quayle wouldn’t be such a bad president…”
7. Between innings, you sit in the dugout eating rosin bags.
6. You start to wonder if maybe Dr. J is your real father.
5. You’re fantasizing about a whirlpool bath with Phil Rizzuto.
4. Instead of shaking off the catcher, you flip off the catcher.
3. You try to borrow El Duque’s raft and defect to Cuba.
2. After each strike, you rip off your jersey and run around in a black sports bra.
1. You help the umpire by licking home plate clean.
