An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ha, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
4 guys telling stories in a bar; 1 guy leaves to go to the restroom, 3
guys are left. First guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a
loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. turns out
that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that
he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his
best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
Second guy says, " I was worried about my son too because he started out
raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a
commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In
fact, HE's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house
for his birthday.
Third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in
a brokerage firm. Well He got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he
owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave HIS best
friend $1 million in stock for his birthday."
Fourth guy comes back from the rest room. The first 3 explain that they
are telling stories about their kids so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to
admit that my son IS a major disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser
and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact I just found out that he's
gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends.
But I try to look at the bright side: his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes,
a new House and $1 Million in stock for his birthday."
For years I've been blaming it on iron, poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I've found out the real reason...I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 55 million and 24 million of those are retired. That leaves 31 million to do the work.
There are 19 million in school, which leaves 12 million to do the work. Of this there are 7 million employed by the civil goverment. This leaves 5 million to do the work. One million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 3, 000, 000 people who work for State and Local Government and that leaves 1,000,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 812,000 to do the work. Now, there are 811,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me. And you are sitting there screwing around on the Internet!!
Here are a few Canadian jokes
When a Canadian thinks of hell,...he wonders what the heating bill would be.
In Canada we have two seasons..six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
The college was asked by Statistics Canada to provide some employment information, including, "How many people do you employ,broken down by sex?"
The person filling in the form entered this comment: "Not many; Most of our staff is broken down by booze.
A little boy and his Mom are standing in line at the check out at the local grocery store, when the little boy starts to tell his mom How big the ladies butt in front of them is...His Mom shsss him and the he asked. "what the beeper is for on the ladies hip?"...About that time it goes off and the little boy yells.....MOMMY WATCH IT , SHE"S BACKING UP !
"""more jokes soon"""
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