Mom, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?" "No, dear, because the dog is in heat. "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and asks, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat." The father thought it over for a moment and then agreed. But first, he took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, dear, you can take Susie for a walk now but be sure to keep her on the leash." Some time later, the little girl returned with no dog on the leash. "Where's Susie?" asked the father. "Well, Susie ran out of gas halfway around the block and there's another dog pushing her home."

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A traveling salesman is in a small town in the mid west, when his trip is suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick. Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel. He walks up to the madam and hands her a hundred dollars and says, "Give me the worst blow job in town." The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best blow job." "No, no," says the man, "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says.... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

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Two young blokes have just been found guilty for drug offences on a Friday and the beak says; seeing that it is Friday I'm going to do something unusual and give you two a chance to show some redeeming qualities by attempting to turn as many of your friends against drugs over the weekend as you can. I won't sentence you until Tuesday, and the sentence will directly relate to your efforts over the next few days! Tuesday arrives and the judge asks the first guy how he faired in his quest. He said "Your Honor I have turned 15 of my friends off drugs". The judge asks him how? He replies "I used this diagram" and shows him a drawing of two circles one large and one small, "I pointed to the large circle and told my friends that is your brain before taking drugs then pointing to the small circle I said that is your brain after taking drugs". The judge was impressed, he then inquired of the second guy...."Your Honor I have turned 153 of my friends off drugs for life!" The judge was amazed and wanted to know how he had achieved this feat. "Well I used the same diagram Your Honor except that I pointed to the small circle and told them that is your asshole before you go to prison..." ****************************************************************

An old woman in the West Virginia hills received a letter from her grandniece, who'd gone off to the big city to seek her fortune. Puzzled by the writing and the contents, she read to her husband, "Judi says here that she's got her- self a job in a . . . a . . . a . . . well, it must be a *message* parlor." "I reckon city folks must leave word there fer their neighbors and kinfolk. Them not having back fences and all," her husband said. "Does Judi say how much they's a paying' her?" "Well, that's the part I can't make out. For the life of me, Paw, she says she gets some $35 for a hand delivered message and $60 if she *blows* it to them!"

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A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes innto the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he feels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with vigor. The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?" To which the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the bastard!!!

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A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, "Sure!" The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived. "Sure, why?" "Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum! *********************************************************************

A little boy and a 15 year-old female babysitter were sitting in the boy's house. The boy asked the babysitter if he could stick his finger in her belly button. The babysitter replied no but the boy continued to ask and on his fifth try, she finally said yes. While the boy was doing so, the lights went out. The girl said in a panic, "That is not my belly button!" The boy replied calmly, "That is not my finger!"

Had Enough!

Rebecca

justbecause@unforgettable.com
Beautiful British Columbia
Canada