A magazine for young people by young people, to showcase all of the hard work that goes into the preparation for a writing career, or just a hobby! Show off your best work and get feedback from your peers. Become a better writer.
The stories, poems, plays, essays etc. that you see here are submitted by people from ages 5-18. They are all original works. If you wish to congratulate the author of a certain piece, or offer comments, the e-mail addresses are listed. We really encourage you to offer feedback. It actually does help you to become better writers. Just remember, there are different styles of writing, so don't cut down other people! Constructive criticism is fine, but please respect the feelings of others. Keep those creative works coming in!
Attention!
There are some special issues of KOWS coming up, but we will not be able to publish them if we don't receive enough submissions.
Coming in June- Best of KOWS Poetry. Send in your best poetry. Humorous, dramatic, reflective, nature, or whatever. They don't have to rhyme. Since most poems are so short, we'll need a lot, so start writing!
Coming in August- KOWS Birthday Issue! Yes, the Kids Only Writing Showcase is turning one! Help celebrate our first birthday
New Home at Blackberry Creek? Would you like to see the Kids Only Writing Showcase on the Blackberry Creek newsstand? E-mail starrfishy@aol.com, hostbclime@aol.com, and creekie@aol.com and tell them you'd like to see this magazine on the newsstand. Be sure to give them my e-mail address. Thanks!
Comments, Questions, Concerns? Changes are constantly going on here. I'd like to know what you think of them. I'm a very easy person to talk to. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, or suggestions, don't hesitate to talk to me!
Table of Contents:
First Place Senior Poetry: The Joker by Nicole* Bucar
First Place Junior Poetry: Welcome to the Machine by Allie
First Place Funny Foreward (Sr.): Blunders by Jeff
First Place Funny Foreward (Jr.): Chicken Jokes submitted by KV12486
Foreward: Corney Jokes
Foreward: Final Exams
Foreward: Fun Things to do in Cars
Poem: April Fool by Julia
Foreward: Nerd T-Shirts
Foreward: Perplexing Questions
Foreward: Funny Signs
Poem: Jokes by Nicole* Bucar
First Place Senior Poetry: The Joker ŠApril 1998, by Nicole* Bucar(Vo11eyChic@aol.com), age 13
The way you think of a joker, Is rather tough I say. He makes you laugh, he jokes around, he's with you everyday.
It's hard to see a joker, It's rather tough I say. He hides around you, trying to sneak you, Watching your every move.
It's hard to hear a joker, It's rather tough I say. He's quiet as a mouse, And quick as blinding day.
It's hard to smell a joker, It's rather though I say. His smell is a mixture, A mixture of the smells of May.
It's hard to feel a joker, It's rather tough I say. He glides around you, hiding, But never getting in your way. In fact never once, Has he come, and disturbed your day, But he's always there Always there for what? There to keep you gay.
Sometimes the joker gets on your nerves, Not only is he on a card, He's with you day by day. Watching you laugh, cry, smile, and play.
First Place Junior Poetry: Welcome to the Machine ŠApril 1998, by Allie (NJGirl87@aol.com), age 10
Welcome to the April Fools Day Machine, Just click on a button, I recommend the one in between. This one fascinating button can bring you to the parade, A wonderful parade full of jokes and fun, But be carelful, you don't want to get bitten by one. Bitten by what, you say? Well there's a rotten old joker, who comes out April 1st every year. He hasn't fooled or joked anyone for 82 years. If he gets you don't be scared, You just become the joker for maybe another 82 years!
First Place Funny Foreward (Senior): Blunders Submitted by Jeff (XinPatris@aol.com), age 13
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
War Dims Hope For Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Hold Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vacine May Contain Rabies
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
First Place Funny Foreward (Junior) Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Submitted by KV12486@aol.com
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers:
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Any corporate lawyer: I know, but I'll have to bill you by the second for the 3 minute answer.
Any trial lawyer: It's not a matter of why the chicken crossed the road, its a matter of whether or not the acts show the chicken actually crossed the road.
Jonnie Cochran: If the beak don't fit, you must acquit!
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
Ronald Reagan: I don't recall.
L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Corney Jokes
1. The world's best chess players were at a tournament. They hung out in the hallway, bragging to each other about their recent victories. Suddenly, the hotel manager told them to leave. When asked why, he replied: "I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."
2. A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs. It became knows as Dogless Fairbanks.
3. Which famous golfer loves to drink wine? Litre Vino.
4. A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, "Try a milk bath". So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guys ask "You want that pasteurized?" "Nah", the man replied "Up to my chin should do it."
5. What's the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber? One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.
6. In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.
7. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.
8. Why did the maharishi refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
9. Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fast-food seafood restaurant? One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk.
10. A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate who used very foul language. As the clone cursed and swore, the scientist finally pushed it out the window, and it fell to its death. Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
11. What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart.
Final Exams -Fun things to do in a final that does not matter
(i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Fun Things to do in a Car Submitted by Bull23917@aol.com
1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
13. Sing without having the radio on.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
23. Paint your car with occult symbols.
24. Keep at least five cats in the car.
26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
27. Stop and collect roadkill.
28. Stop and pray to roadkill.
29. Throw Spam.
30. Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.